I have was recently in a short term relationship which ended when I told him my past. As much as I can't blame him, much of me also feels that our relationship was based on him eventually getting what he really wanted....which was sex.
We became friends over about a years time, he finally asked me out to lunch but I never got back to him and didn't see him for a couple of more weeks. When I finally did see him again I gave him my number, the reason was if he needed help in his business. He texted me a couple of nights later and a few weeks later we were really becoming comfortable with each other. He eventually kissed me, its not something I wanted to do before I told him my past...but it was in the moment. Because of this kiss and a little more intimacy and the fact he new me from where I work I was really reluctant to tell him my past. Our relationship grew an he and I started to fall for each other. This is when I felt I needed to tell him.
Everything I knew about him made me feel there may be a chance that he would accept me. He also understood that I had not had sex for many years and I was not rushing into it. He told me and somewhat proved to me that sex was something that could wait for as long as it took. This feeling and understanding he had, made me feel even more positive that our relationship could continue. I figured once I told him, he would realize that the only thing that was different was that of my past....and the fact I had something different between my legs....but that I can't or more so won't use it. Basically not too much different than the current relationship. well.....I was wrong!!
First off I like sex and I do feel that it is something that helps a relationship....but I have also heard of many people that are in new relationships that practice celibacy until they are married or at least more serious. I am one that has not engaged in intercourse for 10 years...and a third of that was as a man....and I'm not
dead.LOL It wasn't because I couldn't find anyone....pre-transition I had moments, I could of had my one night stands...but I wasn't like that. After hrt I never felt a women would want anything to do with me....and further into hrt my attraction and preference did a 180
. thus the reason for wanting to date men. With this man and one other I did try to pleasure them the best I could....I did this to make them happy....but it also fulfilled my desires to a point. I never ever thought I could be intimate in that type of a way with a man...but it just happened and felt right!
Now to the point I am trying to get too. I was thinking, that if I never said anything for...lets say a year....our relationship would most likely continued to grow and we would of been doing the same things we did before. The only thing that changed was that he knew my past. But before none of that mattered....he constantly wanted to introduce me to friends, take rides on his bike, message me, treat me very respectful, help me anyway he could find, take me out to lunch, dinner, and other events. So now that he knows my past and the fact I have something different in between my legs.....all these things are impossible!! Really!! So my cancer in between my legs prevents him from doing all of these things we so much enjoyed doing together before. What! is the world going to all of a sudden know!! Seems like he wanted people to see and meet me before....what now... am I all of a sudden ugly.
This is why I favor not telling anyone until it really matters or right away!! In any of my life's situations that involve someone else whether it be my children a co worker or a partner, I always try to put myself in there shoes. When I do this with our relationship I can't help but feel that I couldn't just abandon someone I was falling for based on the fact they were not upfront about there born gender. What did this person like about me?? I'm not naïve, I do understand that there would be things to work out and talk about....but if what you liked about me had nothing to do with what was in between my legs...then the difference in our relationship shouldn't be that great either.
I'm sorry for ranting....its just I was under the impression that he was still a friend....I have found out that this was said only to make him feel better. Sure I could call or text him like a friend but the few times I have seen him since our break, he has treated me very different....sure, he gave me a big hug the first time we seen each other after the split and he doesn't treat me bad, but it's more in a way like a guy would treat another guy, it was so completely different than how he treated me when we were together. I even needed some help he promised me when together, but he has now not offered. He has though asked me for help! I have decided to even let the friendship (or whatever it is) fade as well. I still think he is a decent human being and he hasn't done or said anything hurtful....its just how I am treated now versus before.
I once seen a documentary about a women born without a vagina, she was reluctant to pursue or be pursued by anyone. She eventually found a wonderful man that could wait until she could have things fixed. Did he just tell her "oh wait I can't date you! You have no vj!" Now of course there is her background that is at least that of a normal woman....but also what is a normal background. I am treated and asked out like any other normal woman.....but when it comes down to telling them my past, this is what I become. I hate being alone, and finally after nine years I was able to have some intimacy, it felt so right and so good! I never knew what I was missing, but now I do and I want it back!!
I'm thinking of just going out on a bunch of single dates....at least I won't be so lonely. The problem is if I meet someone, I now feel I need to be upfront in the first meeting....and if I really like him I may not want to do that. Then the roller coaster starts all over!!
