Do you envy cisgender people?

[Mariah]

For a long time I did, but part of my being able to move forward with my future and transition was to let ago of the past and all baggage that went with. This includes any envy that I might have towards both Cis-men and Cis-women. I wouldn't be the person I am without those experiences and much as those experiences were torture, they were also a gift at the same time. I am the open minded and understanding person I am today because of them.

[Ms Grace]

Hey, I envy some trans women as much as I do any cis women. I agree with Julie, as I move from transition to living as a woman the envy has abated.

[Carrie Liz]

Yes, more than anything.

I've been going through a bit of a rough patch recently where I'm having to face that I'm basically never completely going to have what I want. I'm always going to be looking in the mirror and seeing my big shoulders and blocky frame and feeling unfeminine, and feeling like I don't even deserve to be considered female at all. I have to worry EVERY single day whether I'm passing or not, and constantly have to wonder if every single stare is because people are clocking me.

Cis women can just take their femaleness for granted, and never have to question it, and a bad hair day is just a bad hair day, and a bad outfit is just a bad outfit, rather than a threat to whether they look female at all.

That and then there's the whole functional reproductive organs thing.

[Joanna Dark]

Cis women can just take their femaleness for granted, and never have to question it, and a bad hair day is just a bad hair day, and a bad outfit is just a bad outfit, rather than a threat to whether they look female at all.

There are cis women who if they get a bad haircut are sir'd or some such thing. Other FAAB people prob constantly get referred to as trans or something if they stray to far into what is deemed masculine. Some trans women prolly pass better as women then cis women. I was outside the CVS with my BF once and some girl got arrested and the female cop called the shoplifter "the girl who looks like  man." She hardly looked like a man. She had short hair. I mean if you go the other way and think of FTMs, many prolly think cis males take their manhood for granted but I can't even count how many times pre-HRT someone either thought I was a girl, or made some remark about my feminity. Like once I went to a bar with my friend and she snuck in and I went to pay and the bartender said it's ladies night and I said I'm a guy and he looked again and said, "well, close enough." I felt this small. I knew I was trans then. Well that I had an IS/DSD condition, but it still stung. So, yeah.

In any event, where ya been Carrie? I missed you. It's so lonely 'round these parts anymore. I actually don't know why I come here.

[Carrie Liz]

I decided to take a break from the site for the purpose of the whole "just trying to go live my life and not think so much about transition anymore" thing. Lots of people were telling me that I was ready. It worked for a few weeks, but then once I got out into the wide world away from my little safe bubble of trans friends, I ended up falling down into a REALLY bad dysphoric bout which I still haven't recovered from.

Admittedly, I'm sore about the whole not being cis thing, because I'm basically unable to see a girl when I look in the mirror due to my bone structure, receded hairline, and still male-ish face. Every single day is a battle with myself to convince myself that I really am female enough... amidst a ton of stares, one recent misgendering that really threw me off, and basically CONSTANTLY feeling inadequate every single time I'm forced to look at the small bone structure and natural femaleness of cis-women. I still can't just be a girl and take it for granted, and it's frankly driving me freaking insane. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of feeling like someone who's just barely squeaking onto the radar of being gendered female by people. I just want to look in the mirror and see a girl for once, and not have a million "buts" getting in the way of it, where certain feminine parts are constantly fighting against certain still-blatantly-masculine parts.

I just want to KNOW that I'm a girl, instead of having to constantly convince myself.

Sigh...

[stephaniec]

I decided to take a break from the site for the purpose of the whole "just trying to go live my life and not think so much about transition anymore" thing. Lots of people were telling me that I was ready. It worked for a few weeks, but then once I got out into the wide world away from my little safe bubble of trans friends, I ended up falling down into a REALLY bad dysphoric bout which I still haven't recovered from.

Admittedly, I'm sore about the whole not being cis thing, because I'm basically unable to see a girl when I look in the mirror due to my bone structure, receded hairline, and still male-ish face. Every single day is a battle with myself to convince myself that I really am female enough... amidst a ton of stares, one recent misgendering that really threw me off, and basically CONSTANTLY feeling inadequate every single time I'm forced to look at the small bone structure and natural femaleness of cis-women. I still can't just be a girl and take it for granted, and it's frankly driving me freaking insane. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of feeling like someone who's just barely squeaking onto the radar of being gendered female by people. I just want to look in the mirror and see a girl for once, and not have a million "buts" getting in the way of it, where certain feminine parts are constantly fighting against certain still-blatantly-masculine parts.

I just want to KNOW that I'm a girl, instead of having to constantly convince myself.

Sigh...

your look like your average run of the mill girl in your picture your breasts are shaped quite nicely.

[Misha]

Short answer: no.

But then again given my other "disorder" (asperger's syndrome) I'm pretty much incapable of envy or jealousy. Until I started taking estrogens the only emotions I really knew were confusion and distress. Otherwise I was as cold as an ice block. Now I get sometimes overloaded with random floods of emotions and it will probably still take a few months before I'm capable of handling it :-) .

Sure, I pretty much stopped living at the age of 11 when I have read like three books about puberty and few other about human biology and didn't find a single paragraph that would explain why I thought something is terribly wrong with my body. But I doubt that anything would give me the sense of self-realization, freedom and love for myself and my life besides what I'm going through right now. Would I actually ever feel something like that if I wasn't a transsexual?

I hope it makes a bit of sense :-) .

[Jess42]

It is really hard to say. I really don't think I envy anyone. Would I have rather been born female? Most definately but as myself female. I would say I probably feel more anger or depression at chance or nature or even God. Come on 50/50 chance and I ended up the wrong gender physically? WTH. But luck or whatever is not really on my side. If there wer 5 paper bags in front of me and they all contained 50,000 dollars except for one that contained rattlesnakes. I would pick the rattlesnake bag every freakin' time. But I ain't in no need or rattlesnake boots and shoes though. So I guess that is a silver lining.