morning disphoria

awilliams1701 · June 25, 2014, 11:35:38 AM

Since accepting who I am, I haven't had too many issues with disphoria other than the normal life long digust with my equipment. I did have an evening where I wanted to cut it off, but knew I would need it for surgery. As bad as that sounds it didn't last long though.

this morning I woke up in a really bad mood being very angry that there is that nasty worm in between my legs. Its been a frustrating day so far as a result. Interestingly enough I've had days where I woke up and either forgot it was there or my body sent me convincing signals that I had lady parts. Other days I know its there but it doesn't bother me.

I was wondering how people deal with their disphoria and if its worse waking up realizing your still a man than later on in the day.

Nikki_Taz · June 25, 2014, 11:42:22 AM

I just look forward, its all I can do, just accepting who I am has brought me to a whole new level of happiness in itself. I feel the same way though, I hate everything Masculine about myself.

awilliams1701 · June 25, 2014, 12:02:52 PM

I'm actually in agreement with you. I've never felt complete until I finally let Ashley out of her cage in a regular basis. Unfortunately Ashley is still for the most part in the closet. But when she's free I've never felt more complete in my life.

Edge · June 25, 2014, 12:13:49 PM

I day dream about the future. That's really all I can do.

Nikki_Taz · June 25, 2014, 12:27:55 PM

Quote from: Edge on June 25, 2014, 12:13:49 PM
I day dream about the future. That's really all I can do.

I think thats why I am still alive, I love my brain <3

Umiko · June 25, 2014, 12:32:02 PM

ah, the dreaded mornings. i can honestly say that morning got better for me

i dont get the woodies anymore, which was the main source of my morning dysphoria and usually would ruin my day. but than again, i normally dont walk up until the afternoon unless i have to go somewhere lol. trust me, i'll get better. they stopped after i started talking and expressed myself more plus my dreams are usually feminine so that helps to lol

Nikki_Taz · June 25, 2014, 12:36:25 PM

Onyx you play league? I know an Onyx from league of legends.

Umiko · June 25, 2014, 12:48:38 PM

no i dont lol. i play monkey dynasty(jade dynasty private server)

awilliams1701 · June 25, 2014, 01:08:48 PM

I've woken up with woodies before without it being a problem and this time is only ranked about a 5/10. I'm glad I don't get 10s that often because they hurt like hell. Waking up with a 9 is fairly normal and usually doesn't bother me.

Nikki_Taz · June 25, 2014, 01:09:11 PM

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on June 25, 2014, 12:48:38 PM
no i dont lol. i play monkey dynasty(jade dynasty private server)

0_o I played wow in a private server for a while.

Nikki_Taz · June 25, 2014, 01:11:25 PM

Playing female characters would drive me crazy, I guess thats why I was so addicted to MMOs

awilliams1701 · June 25, 2014, 01:18:09 PM

I've always played female characters in all games that support it. I used to think its because staring at guys butts was gross, bit even in FPS games I do it. I now think it was a part of Ashley's attempt to get out.

Umiko · June 25, 2014, 01:19:52 PM

i can never play male characters. the only male character i was able to max out was on wizard 101, other than that its impossible for me to play a male past lvl 1

awilliams1701 · June 25, 2014, 01:21:01 PM

Speaking of sex drive though I've noticed since I got a handle on having both manly and womanly desires my sex drive has actually decreased since before I knew about being trans. When I first found out I didn't know how to handle the female part of it with a male body and it increased 10 fold. This lasted about a week and was extremely annoying. I'm actually glad that even without HRT its down from before I found out.

awilliams1701 · June 25, 2014, 01:21:57 PM

I'll play a male character but only if I have too. I get mad about it too.

Nikki_Taz · June 25, 2014, 01:24:39 PM

Quote from: awilliams1701 on June 25, 2014, 01:21:01 PM
Speaking of sex drive though I've noticed since I got a handle on having both manly and womanly desires my sex drive has actually decreased since before I knew about being trans. When I first found out I didn't know how to handle the female part of it with a male body and it increased 10 fold. This lasted about a week and was extremely annoying. I'm actually glad that even without HRT its down from before I found out.

I feel the same way actually, I don't know what going on with my drive, but its waaay down, the normal things that would turn me on don't anymore, I actually feel degraded when I see or think about them.

awilliams1701 · June 25, 2014, 01:29:24 PM

I think the reason its gone down for me is that when I am stimulating in the traditional male way, a few seconds before release I realize I'm holding a male part and get grossed out and so I don't get an O as a result. Since learning how to bypass the male component I've found it to be more satisfying.

Nikki_Taz · June 25, 2014, 01:50:49 PM

Is this normal?

awilliams1701 · June 25, 2014, 02:12:51 PM

I have no idea what normal is anymore.

for example last night when I saw myself in the mirror I swear Ashley took over and started teasing Allen. Normally Ashley and Allen are different components of the same person but it was like she split herself off and Allen was fully in charge of my consciousness but not my body. She started making sexy poses. I didn't know what to think because right now I look like a not so manly man wearing woman's clothing. I've been told I have a very feminine appearance, but I still look slightly guy like. I'm hoping this works to my advantage when I start HRT.

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morning disphoria

Umiko

Umiko

Umiko