So near, yet so far.. This is torture....

[Olivia P]

I am potentially so close to getting hrt, but yet so far, 3 long hot weeks to go until my endo appointment...

The wait at the moment is the worst bit, as my life is mostly put on hold due to waiting lists, it is incredibly painful, very hard to remain strong. I am also trying to avoid disappearing into escapism during this period, mindfulness and awareness and all those related teachings are incredibly important to me, although even with that life is extremely hard and painful knowing that I am unable to progress any further in my life and that personal growth is on hold due to waiting lists and healthcare budgeting issues.

Any people out there who went through transition and were also well educated in mindfulness?

Your advice on how to cope would be extremely useful to me...

Ever since my mindfulness forced me to deal with gender I have been unable to center myself, when I identify an issue my body won't let me rest until the problem is dealt with, and unfortunately, this is an issue that takes a very long time, mostly due to waiting lists.

Its a real effort keeping myself going, getting myself to work, getting paid so that I can one day afford some op's I am aiming for.

The fact that money and healthcare ever crossed also puts a bad taste in my mouth, money and healthcare have no business together, you cannot put a price on good health, to do so is immoral.

[Sammy]

Ugh... for some reason I keep reading stories and examples when people have their appointments and that day is finally set in stone and then it all gets postponed and whatnot... Almost seems like at least one postponement is mandatory rite of passage... happened to me as well.
All I can say is - just use those weeks to maximum... do a lot of extra cardio, burn those fats and muscles down so when You start You do it from clean slate - of as close as You can. Try doing some trans-not-related stuff (kinda hard for You being a news staff now, I know...), but if You can disassociate Yourself from all trans-related info that could really help, because Your mind will have other things to occupy itself...
Not a great advice, but we just have to suck it up and be patient. And three weeks You know, is not that long term - they could have been months instead .

[Ms Grace]

While I don't necessarily recommend it, I just became incredibly busy with work and other projects. There were a couple of months there where the weeks were just a blur - thank god! I also started hair removal and other things like shopping online, you don't need to be on HRT for that and it still feels like something is happening.

[Monkeymel]

Self awareness - understanding all the levels inside. Meditation and self reflection all re-emphasize that something is wrong. And yet finding that internal balance is very important. And for me it was always about being outside in nature. Disconnected to the connected world - which easily pulls you back to issues at mind.

A meeting is not instant gratification - even HRT starting will take a while until effects are felt. Instead it is more getting a decision made and continuing life. Because in the end we live... To be free. Dysphoria makes it hard - but I refused to let it conquer my life. There are some down days - but then I have to remind myself to walk tall; proud. Let the sun warm my face and wind blow my hair free. Watch the birds soaring on the winds; and find that quiet spot inside which is me. And let it radiate out.

My journey was long - and I learned to listen to my intuition. My inner animal spirits. I did some reiki training (up to master - whatever it means) and whether you believe all the lineage stories or not... It helped me find my inner peace. When days are tough I have to remind myself that I control the release of that inner peace. Not money. Not people.

My partner told me I was being a bit of a teenage hippy today. Perhaps I am - always was. But I me and not what society or genetic programming tells me to be.

Take courage over the next weeks. And enjoy the sunshine - and nature. As they nuture us more than we remember in our technology driven world.

[Olivia P]

While I don't necessarily recommend it, I just became incredibly busy with work and other projects. There were a couple of months there where the weeks were just a blur - thank god! I also started hair removal and other things like shopping online, you don't need to be on HRT for that and it still feels like something is happening.

Yeah that's where I was before I started dealing with problems rather than avoiding, Im kinda hesitant to return to it

[Ms Grace]

The good thing was that I was no longer in denial and I was still dealing with my stuff as well, being busy just allowed time to go a lot faster.

[stephaniec]

I was lucky in that once I Knew what I needed to do I didn't have to wait. I did go to a life long process of leaning to be a woman with hair styles make up clothes etc. Work on your presentation and time will go by faster.

[Olivia P]

I have found that this has helped me find my center and regain some stability in this hard time:
http://santvn.ucsd.edu/MindBell

Thought I would share it in case it helps anyone else

When you take the in breath calm yourself, when you take the out breath smile.

I set it at every 15 mins

[E-Brennan]

Treat the wait like that half an hour spare at the end of a three-hour exam.  You've completed the paper, and you can either sit there and twiddle your thumbs and stare at the ceiling, or you can use that time to go over your answers.

In the grand scheme of things, three weeks is nothing (says me, chomping at the bit for my next appointment, after which I'll drive 100mph to the pharmacy and guzzle whatever the endo gives me without a second thought.)  Spend some of that time reconsidering how you got to where you are today.  Is this still the best path for you to take?

You may already know you have the right answer on the paper in front of you, but just go ahead and check it one more time.  It's a big decision, a huge step to take, and a little reflection might go a long way.

[alena]

I'm going through the same thing! Waiting for appointments, operations, etc is really tough sometimes. I just want everything done now or tommorow! My wait for the gender specialist was 10 weeks, but luckily it was put forward by two weeks. I had my blood test yesterday and if all goes well I hope to start e patches soon! Until then, I have to keep my mind occupied on other things so I don't get bogged down by my dysphoria.

[Cris Zoe]

Another case of appointment interruptus here. Had my initial appt at the Mazzoni Center in Phila earlier this week. With all the travel disruptions in the region (I-495 bridge out, summer construction, SEPTA strike, etc) I had to take a day off from work just for the appt. Appt was great, Mazzoni center was great, Lots of trans* folks about which was pretty cool. Doctor was young but cool. PA is an informed consent state, so he went over the possible issues and had me sign off. Off to the blood lab for the initial blood test. I went in thinking it would be a week or two before I could start. I knew they had to do the blood test and get the results. So next stop was for the next appt.

Well since I haven't been on hormones before, I need to see the Trans Intake specialist, which is about a 1 hour education session and also make sure that you are emotionally stable. Then to the doc where I'll get the scripts. No problem, I'm ok with that. When's the next appt? Ah, 2 and 1/2 months from now. Arghhhh! That was a huge disappointment.

Seems the Intake person - there is only 1 in the summer - only works Tuesday and Thursday - so she's really booked up. The guy at the front desk tells me they get 5 new trans* patients every day.

Ok, my expectations (bad I know) was a week or two. So 1 month, ok, doable, but 2 1/2 months, that seems like forever, the whole summer will be over by then. Well I waited 60 years, I guess I'll wait some more <sigh>.