Hello, I'm an 18 year old teenager who has recently (this year) been thinking about my personal self lately.
I am very accepting of the transgender and transsexual communities, so don't worry about "teen is embarrassed issues", I tend to not follow the messed up opinions a lot of people (like the media) have. I believe you are just as human as I am and despise that so many of you are hurt or abandoned for being yourselves.
Anyways, the thing I wanted to say is that I recently have discovered that I feel as if I would be happier as a guy. I have even come up with a male name (Hal Massey) and have thought about this. I'm not sure if my age will cause a few people to think that this is all a non-serious feeling, I hope not. I'm quite serious. Although I haven't really committed entirely to the idea. There is a person who I really like (they aren't my boyfriend yet, but still) that isn't against gay people but really doesn't seem he would ever be one himself; he likes me a lot as I am, and it wouldn't be like he would hate me or not be my friend anymore if I were a dude, it's just that it is very possible he would not be interested. Now, I know quite well that this is purely my decision and life and nobody else's thing, but it does tend to make me a bit hesitant. It doesn't mean I'm 100% against the idea of pursuing this dream of mine though!
I never have cared to be quite girly, and some might even slap a tomboy label on me; while I understand I can still be a girl and like "guy" stuff, it goes a bit beyond that (as I explained earlier). It bugs me when I express my feelings that I would like to be a guy and one of my parents (who is actually in transition to becoming a woman, I kid you not, but this is mostly because of a long story of how they were born both genders, their parents chose an operation for them to be male before they even knew what was going on (they were young) and they learned later on in their life, and want to be a woman instead) tends to say that I should like being a girl. I don't. I actually even feel that I would be a bit less gloomy often if I did this; now I understand transition isn't some auto-cure for a gloomy person, but thinking about the concept just makes me really happy! Sometimes I'm gloomy for other reasons, I understand.
I have also told my mother, which doesn't seem to really want to hear it (probably mostly because my other parent is often frustrated with their 10+ year inability to be able to have money for their surgery, and often gets upset about it; she actually has said something along the lines of that before, although she doesn't hate trans people, this particular situation is obviously stressful for everyone!) and doesn't seem to really support it, but I'm not sure.
Whatever shall I do about this? I have personally drew some pictures of what I'd imagine a guy-me would look like, and that always makes me quite happy. I draw myself mostly how I am, I admit, but with slight bit different body shape (not saying that taking T would mean I'd be Macho Man all of a sudden) and a short beard (some could say I'm fascinated by the thought of having a beard).
I've written stories, too (also featuring my close friend) and once came out to say that I've written stories (I didn't mention about what) about an alternate world version of me (this is how I shyly explain things) but then my other parent asked what is the character's name and I said I was too shy to say which made them upset and said that was bull->-bleeped-<- and I was acting like an ->-bleeped-<- (I hope that wasn't too rude, not sure about mild swearing, but if mods don't like it, they can remove this part, I'm sorry) because I mentioned the story but wouldn't go as far to say the name of the character. The reason I wouldn't say the name (I even implied it could upset them) is because the name is almost obviously male, which would point out that my alternate self character is a guy. Not sure how that would have gone.
My alternate world character also lives in another state (not meaning to sound too badly "everything in my life must be on the other side of the grass because it's greener over there" here) that I have an interest in (which is Massachusetts, I have a fascination with Massachusetts!). Out of shyness, I refer to this persona as my "alter-ego" which I'm afraid is going to make people think I'm seriously "wrong" in the head with a two personality disorder or something. I know my male side isn't a secondary person or living in my head (like a "voice in my head") and is actually just a character and persona I came up with, that's the difference. I know very well it is me. I do wish I were like my character, though.
I hope I didn't post this in the wrong part of this forum. I just came upon this forum and wanted to voice my mind on this.
