Little FB problem for me

[SandraB]

I've legally changed my name, just a few days ago. The paper work came the following day. I changed everything with Social Security the same day and am now just waiting on my card to come to do my DL. I broke the news to my wife this morning. She knew the day was coming, but thought that I was going to wait until I left. For reasons of simplicity, the timing was just right to do it when I did, there was no other way. But my question I suppose is this: FaceBook. I've already deleted all of here family from my friends list to avoid anymore grief. I want to change my name there. I know that that's going to cause some grief on her part when I do that though and I really want to try to minimize that. But on the other hand, I am proud of who I am, bear no shame. The other part, the other name is now gone. And I really don't care to look at it anymore one FB. Any opinions here? And for what it's worth, I have a couple more months here before I move along. Thanks!

[stephaniec]

can't you just start a new account in the proper name and delete the other when your ready

[Allyda]

can't you just start a new account in the proper name and delete the other when your ready

I agree, the best thing for you to do is start a new account and delete the other when your ready. Depending on how supportive your friends are, you may wish to consider a new email account as well to go with it.

Best wishes.

Ally

[Jessica Merriman]

I started a new account and posted my coming out on my male one (which I then closed) inviting positive replies to those who would like to continue our friendships.

[Allyda]

I started a new account and posted my coming out on my male one (which I then closed) inviting positive replies to those who would like to continue our friendships.

That was probably a good way to weed out the real friends from the false ones. Great idea Jess!

Ally

[Paulagirl]

If you told your wife about your name change, and other documents change after the fact, I think you may have way bigger fish to fry than your facebook page.

[Chloevixen]

I am kinda agreeing with Paula on this one.
That said congrats on the name change.
I was just planning on doing the name change on FB, and give the people who have a problem with my new name a chance to leave with no questions asked.

[Felix]

Good luck with however you go forward. Facebook is a bit of a minefield even for cispeople and non-transitioners.

[Tori]

I did the new account thing. Invited my closest friends over one at a time. Then I came out to everyone on my male account and invited them over to my new one.

It was pretty painless. Most people hopped over. I had to announce it a few times over a few weeks actually, because not everyone sees every post.

Everybody who came over wanted to continue knowing me. People who wanted nothing to do with me did not have to deal with the shame and or drama of defriending me, in fact, I don't exactly know who they are. They may have just missed the announcements.

Whatever. My closest friends remain and I knew they would.

[Carrie Liz]

There are two options for this:

1. Change your name on your primary profile, don't be ashamed of it, and don't worry about it. This is the method that I chose. I decided that I didn't want to even give people the option of clinging to the male me and pretending that the female me didn't exist. They could either accept me as I am, or not at all. I first posted a coming-out letter, along with changing the gender marker on my profile, and then once I went full-time, I changed the name too. I know this isn't possible for everyone, but it ended up working perfectly in my case. I didn't lose any friends that I'm aware of. And if I did, that's their problem. And now I can unashamedly be myself, and all those years where I was ashamed of hiding, ashamed of being seen as by a weirdo by my friends, in a way I feel vindicated.

2. Start a new profile under a new name, come out on your old profile and invite those who wish to friend the new you to come over on to your new profile and do so, while leaving the old profile up as an inactive relic. This option minimizes the damage. People who aren't okay with it can just stay on your old profile and not friend you on your new one. Also if you need to, it can give you a separate profile to express yourself freely on without the stigma of being watched by your friends if you're not ready to come out publicly yet.

[LittleEmily24]

I just made a new Facebook account and added the people closest to me. Eventually other people started adding me from my high school or my past, or family members. I pretty much let people deal with it on their own time and creating a new Facebook allowed me to do that.

In the end though, you can't have complete damage control ~ sometimes a little grief is necessary for optimal closure. Alternatively you can just block said people, instead of just deleting them ~ that way it will seem like you deleted your FB and they wont be able to see it at all.

[Allyda]

I was already living full time when I started my Facebook page so those that friended me knew me as Ally (Allyda) including some of my adopted family that have accepted me for who I am. I never had any photos of myself posted on it though, until now. I just used photos of my cats my boat, or my truck for profile and other photos. However my gender marker has always been female so the only thing I had to do was post some photos of myself. So Far so good and it's been almost 4 years, but there's always a chance one person that I know is on there will recognize me. My adopted fathers biological son who put me through a lot of emotional and physical hurt growing up keeps popping up under "people you may know" because I talk to my niece, his daughter on Facebook. So far though, I don't think he can recognize me and my niece won't have anything to do with him either because of the way he is.

Ally

[allisonsteph]

On Christmas Day I took all of my pictures down from Facebook without an explanation, and put the transgender pride flag as my cover photo. On December 31st I posted my coming out announcement. On January 1st I changed my name and put up pics of "the new me".

I had two people unfriend me and one make a nasty comment. Otherwise everyone was very supportive. I did get a couple of "It's about damn time" comments from people who knew me better than I knew me.

[Jessica90]

Personally I deleted my Facebook 2 yrs ago I understand people Like social media but just was never ok with the bashing and people's attitude plus giving all this info out about yourself I'm more of a face to face but ide say if you do just make a new one your starting your lofe and you'll find new friends and your old friends who support you well you can tell them or add them on it good luck !!! 

[Allyda]

My ex SO finally unfriended me -YaY! Maybe now she realizes it's really over, and there's no way for her to fix it. I still have her laptop and one of her cell phones though, and she's not getting them back unless she pays back a considerable portion of the $535. she owes me.

Ally