Obsessed with passing or reasonable anxiety?

[ganjina]

So I've been thinking for many months that passing is an extremely important issue (for my case) because I want to sort of blend in in a third world country (where I live) full of retarded, violent, extremist biggots, because I want to avoid possible workplace discrimination, because I run my business and want to keep having regular clients and business relationships, because there is no reason for me to be on the spotlight whenever I go, because I want to continue with some kind of normality with my live.

I think putting that as one of my top prios would be reasonable if it's reasonable to expect achieving it. I am on the tall guy side of the spectrum here, rather broad shoulders, used to be a male model, but I still think I could make for a tall, sporty type of GIRL to the eyes of society. Also, tallness in general is a good social atribute.

I think not being able to pass would be a huge, huge obstacle for me in general in my life, I am still young and have a lot of people to meet, a lot of work to do, a lot of travel to do, and I think it would be shooting myself in the foot. In that case, I think if it's an absolute necessity to transition, then I'd have to put it off by 20 years or so, the time for me to save money, get a stable career going, and so on and so forth, because I think I woudn't be able to make it happen otherwise. It seems a couple of years of HRT and FFS should do the trick, I really, really, really hope it does. otherwise it's going to be big time sh*t for me and am not sure I'd be able to make it happen. Then if that's how it goes, I say, wait 20 years. :S?

What are your inputs on this?

[ganjina]

Any wisdom to share?

[stephaniec]

Any wisdom to share?

don't know how to answer your question. For me transition came to be a question of life or death. It would be nice to become invisible , but the problem for me is that it goes a lot deeper into my psych.

[ganjina]

Yea same here, as I said I cannot imagine not doing it, but if I cannot get to pass, I feel it'd be so terrible for my career or social perspectives I'd have to put it off by 10 or 20 years.

[stephaniec]

Yea same here, as I said I cannot imagine not doing it, but if I cannot get to pass, I feel it'd be so terrible for my career or social perspectives I'd have to put it off by 10 or 20 years.

maybe  put your picture up and get some feedback

[ganjina]

Actually I've had in the past, and it's encouraging  . I just wonder if this kind of attitude and train of thought is healthy, normal or how extreme it is, how harmful it can be, what could be thought of it or done about it.

[stephaniec]

Actually I've had in the past, and it's encouraging  . I just wonder if this kind of attitude and train of thought is healthy, normal or how extreme it is, how harmful it can be, what could be thought of it or done about it.

well, your safety is a real concern. there are people who will do harm. The only thing you can do is decide the real risks to your safety against the importance of transition. The sad thing is no matter how good you look there is always the possibility of harm.

[Jessica Merriman]

In that case, I think if it's an absolute necessity to transition, then I'd have to put it off by 20 years or so

I don't quite know what to say except my Dysphoria would not let me dictate when to transition. I would not have lived another 10 - 20 years to accommodate passing. If you can put it off like that why even transition? Just curious. 

[ganjina]

Regarding personal safety, yeah I guess that's one of the real bummers, hmm don't know much what to say or think about it except move to another country, which I could and probably will for a number of reasons later on, but still it sucks big time in the big scheme of things.

Regarding as to why transition, Well IF I can wait, I still would have another 40 or 50 years to go on average, so I guess it's better than nothing. Now, am really not sure I could, that's just a wild idea... I do feel waiting that much or not passing would make things way too difficult and I cannot imagine that much either :/.

[MikaylaGC]

Ok reading this I think if your country and its people really pose a serious threat to your safety, would it not be an idea to maybe try and get the best job you can, save like crazy(or get a degree or something like that) and get out?
I have a TG friend on my FB who basically had to flee pakistan if she wanted to transition. In the meantime perhaps you could cross dress or whatever in the safety of your home until all that is possible? Dunno really just throwing ideas around. I mean it sucks that I even have to suggest leaving your country but if your gonna get killed over being who you wanna be, well I think maybe you should consider some options to change that.

[Allyda]

I really wish I had some words of wisdom here for you Ganjina. I really do. I can tell you this, the dysphoria will never go away. It will only get worse as time goes by and in some cases as it was with me my need to transition almost cost me my life twice. Thankfully this last time it got bad I was able to start hrt and begin my transition when I did, or I wouldn't be writing this right now.
You know yourself and your location and circumstances better than anyone. However I can safely say that if my life was in danger just because of who I am I'd do whatever I have to, to leave that country and never look back.

You've gotten some great advice already from others who have posted. There's really not much more I can offer.

Best Wishes

Ally

[Ltl89]

So I've been thinking for many months that passing is an extremely important issue (for my case) because I want to sort of blend in in a third world country (where I live) full of retarded, violent, extremist biggots, because I want to avoid possible workplace discrimination, because I run my business and want to keep having regular clients and business relationships, because there is no reason for me to be on the spotlight whenever I go, because I want to continue with some kind of normality with my live.

I think putting that as one of my top prios would be reasonable if it's reasonable to expect achieving it. I am on the tall guy side of the spectrum here, rather broad shoulders, used to be a male model, but I still think I could make for a tall, sporty type of GIRL to the eyes of society. Also, tallness in general is a good social atribute.

I think not being able to pass would be a huge, huge obstacle for me in general in my life, I am still young and have a lot of people to meet, a lot of work to do, a lot of travel to do, and I think it would be shooting myself in the foot. In that case, I think if it's an absolute necessity to transition, then I'd have to put it off by 20 years or so, the time for me to save money, get a stable career going, and so on and so forth, because I think I woudn't be able to make it happen otherwise. It seems a couple of years of HRT and FFS should do the trick, I really, really, really hope it does. otherwise it's going to be big time sh*t for me and am not sure I'd be able to make it happen. Then if that's how it goes, I say, wait 20 years. :S?

What are your inputs on this?

I understand where you are coming from.  I'm one of the few here that will openly claim that passing potential was part of my decision on whether to transition.   Perhaps that's why I need everything to be just so which isn't really a smart thing at the end of the day.  To be honest, all the surgery and hormones in the world can't guarantee whether someone will pass.  And it's been my experience or opinion that those who start younger have an easier time in the passing department than those that do it at an older age.  That's not to say it's not possible or anything like that, of course it is, but I wouldn't expect your passing potential to increase with time when you are waiting for everything to fall into place.  Sadly, it usually is the opposite.  Just don't put all your eggs in one basket because you'll end up like a paranoid girl such as myself where nothing is good enough and chasing perfection that is no where obtainable for myself.  PAssing is important and for some of us it offers needed protection, just don't obsess on it like someone such as myself where it prevents other avenues of happiness during the transition process.

At the same time, I get what you are saying about the realistic social blockades you face and don't want to minimize that.  Those of us who are born in a more privledged background or location should count our blessings for that.  Unfortunatey, I can't say much more on that other than to say that I'm sorry you are in this situation.  I hope it gets easier and more possible for you to do what you need where you currently are.  I wish you a lot of luck with this situation.

[ganjina]

Hello!

Sorry for the slow response, things have been busy (really). Anyway, well, here it's not as bad as say, Pakistan, and there are a few prominent LGTB politicians, but still seen from other countries this is like the middle ages. I've a business, and a degree, so I could just get away. It's a genuine safety concern. But then maybe I can be fine like other people I've seen, it'd be a bit odd, I mean it becomes a reason like any other to take into account.

I wonder who can identify with learningtolive or my statement regarding personal future? I mean if I get in a gray zone, am pretty sure it'd make things way more difficult for my business or as an employee. Then it would make sense to just "put it off" until you save enough and feel stable enough in financial terms to not care much more about professional problems. IF you can stand waiting for it that's it.

[Ltl89]

Hello!

Sorry for the slow response, things have been busy (really). Anyway, well, here it's not as bad as say, Pakistan, and there are a few prominent LGTB politicians, but still seen from other countries this is like the middle ages. I've a business, and a degree, so I could just get away. It's a genuine safety concern. But then maybe I can be fine like other people I've seen, it'd be a bit odd, I mean it becomes a reason like any other to take into account.

I wonder who can identify with learningtolive or my statement regarding personal future? I mean if I get in a gray zone, am pretty sure it'd make things way more difficult for my business or as an employee. Then it would make sense to just "put it off" until you save enough and feel stable enough in financial terms to not care much more about professional problems. IF you can stand waiting for it that's it.

The thing is it's really hard to forsee what your result will be.  None of us can tell you.  You may transition young and totally pass with no problems.  You might also not pass or have more difficulties than you would care for.  You may also transition older and more financially secure, but then again, you still may or may not pass.  There are no guarantees.  Sadly, transitioning is a bit of a gamble.  All you can really do is think about what you want and consider the pros/cons and costs/benefits.  But even then, there is no way to know what the future holds.  I wish you well and hope you make the best choice you can for yourself.  And believe me, I know where you are coming from with all of this.  I felt and feel much of the same and started my transition as a broke unemployed 24 year old.  There is a lot to consider before moving forward. 

[Evolving Beauty]

Our story sounds pretty much the same. 

Depends how strong is your dysphoria. Me I jumped into the waters brutally not knowing exactly where it would lead but to me I couldn't live a single day more as male or I'd DIE! And at that I was like 'happen whatever happens'

Check my story, maybe you might get an inspiration.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=167517.0