Family...

[greenhat]

I have already sort of come out, but only in the way that comes off as something I just have a bit of interest in. My family, I believe, does not know that I am truly serious about my feelings about wishing I were a guy. I think it's in a stage where I am nervous to say much but when I do, it probably comes off as something I'm just saying when frustrated (like when one of my parents happens to say stuff about them wanting me to wear girly sorts of things) and not an actual statement of something I want to achieve in my life.

How should I approach this matter? I am honest if asked, but I am a bit shy on the issue still. Should I just let this play out with time, or simply admit it someday? and what would be the best way? they aren't against transgendered people, but it seems that it might not be something they want to hear from me.

[Serenahikaru]

I can understand how you feel, and I don't think any parents want or at least expect to hear their child come out. What I did was write a letter then I let my mom read it. When it was time to tell my dad, my mom and I decided which would tell him (she did). Though besides my sister, the rest of my family won't know until I start hrt and I start looking more feminine.

[greenhat]

I can understand how you feel, and I don't think any parents want or at least expect to hear their child come out. What I did was write a letter then I let my mom read it. When it was time to tell my dad, my mom and I decided which would tell him (she did). Though besides my sister, the rest of my family won't know until I start hrt and I start looking more feminine.

Good for you! I used to give my mother a guessing conversation as I'm this uncomfortable, but it never really made me less uncomfortable with things. I'm figuring maybe this would mean the best way is for me to just come out, but I'm not sure what to say after I admit it.

[Blue Senpai]

What I would do is the following:
* Start printing out relevant articles for them to read, don't pester them but put it on their night table.
[Note: translate them if English is not their first language]
* Write a letter explaining your reasoning on why you wish you were a guy.
* Ask them for ideas on male names (even if you already have one picked out).

Depending whether or not you're 18, you can start the process for transitioning by looking for a gender therapist.My mother is basically the same way, she would rather not speak about it and is falsely hoping that I'm not really serious. She still calls me by my birth name uses female pronouns which I'm letting it slide until I get my first testosterone shot. I hope my suggestions help.

[greenhat]

What I would do is the following:
* Start printing out relevant articles for them to read, don't pester them but put it on their night table.
[Note: translate them if English is not their first language]
* Write a letter explaining your reasoning on why you wish you were a guy.
* Ask them for ideas on male names (even if you already have one picked out).

Depending whether or not you're 18, you can start the process for transitioning by looking for a gender therapist.My mother is basically the same way, she would rather not speak about it and is falsely hoping that I'm not really serious. She still calls me by my birth name uses female pronouns which I'm letting it slide until I get my first testosterone shot. I hope my suggestions help.

I hate if I'm sounding like I'm not accepting ideas, but firstly one of my parents already read a lot on trans things (they are in transition themselves, formerly my father) and yes, I believe I already have a name picked out. Also, I am 18, but I have the side situation of my other parent (not my mother, but I do not want to wrongly call them a father considering they are transitioning into being a girl) not being comfortable with me going alone anywhere. I also lack any offline friends at the moment or a car where I'd be slightly safer. I would definitely need to let them know if I wanted to see a therapist for my gender identity.

[Serenahikaru]

I hate if I'm sounding like I'm not accepting ideas, but firstly one of my parents already read a lot on trans things (they are in transition themselves, formerly my father) and yes, I believe I already have a name picked out. Also, I am 18, but I have the side situation of my other parent (not my mother, but I do not want to wrongly call them a father considering they are transitioning into being a girl) not being comfortable with me going alone anywhere. I also lack any offline friends at the moment or a car where I'd be slightly safer. I would definitely need to let them know if I wanted to see a therapist for my gender identity.

Your transitioning parent should be able to understand then. Your mother's reaction can be based on how she reacted to your other parent.

[androgynouspainter26]

It seems to me that if they aren't actively against the idea of you transitioning, but just aren't sure you're serious, you need to force the topic with them: without beating around the bush, you should just bring up the subject, and try to discuss it in a meaningful and productive way with them.  I think that being indirect has a time and place in this process, but when I was in your shoes, my folks first thought was that I wasn't mature enough to know what I was for certain, and the best way to convince them otherwise is to be direct, sincere, and honest.  I know where you've been, and things can get a lot better!  I hope everything works out for you!

[Hermosa_Tabby]

Yeah,
I think a letter, an email, something like that, can be much better for coming out in many cases.

I tried to tell my stepmom in person, and lacked the courage. When I did send her the facebook message, then it allowed her and my father to experience the initial shock without an opportunity to secondguess me. Many people don't say what they truly feel when in a state of shock nor do they think correctly.

Also when it is written, the person tends to read it to the end, and it's not a conversation. It shouldn't have to be. You don't require a response. You need them to understand YOUR information. Being trans is not a family decision. It's a personal one.

Some people may still do better from "the talk," but I have as of yet to see one person who fared better from direct talk as opposed to simply leaving a note behind. Usually the people who have came out from talking are actually fed up with hiding and they present it in a moment when tension is high and out of the lack of being able to contain it any longer. This may be a part of what you are experiencing maybe.

I hope I helped at least a lil bit. Good luck.

[greenhat]

Your transitioning parent should be able to understand then. Your mother's reaction can be based on how she reacted to your other parent.

Actually my transitioning parent is the one who often tries to encourage me to be more girly, sometimes even telling me to "grow up" and be like an adult woman based off of either my personality to things or even because of me wearing sweatpants.

As for the message thing, my mother is often busy and doesn't always get online. I think it would better if I waited for a day where things are at least a little calm and said it. Sorry if I make it sound like I feel I have already reached the answer...

[Serenahikaru]

Actually my transitioning parent is the one who often tries to encourage me to be more girly, sometimes even telling me to "grow up" and be like an adult woman based off of either my personality to things or even because of me wearing sweatpants.

As for the message thing, my mother is often busy and doesn't always get online. I think it would better if I waited for a day where things are at least a little calm and said it. Sorry if I make it sound like I feel I have already reached the answer...

That's fine, we're just here to assist with giving possible answers and support. Good luck with them!

[greenhat]

When I talk about it, I get answers (from my father) like how I should basically be proud of who I am (a female). They are always seeming to be against the idea.

[Serenahikaru]

You're father has an interesting view. Id say it is a bit of envy, which is naturally, but he shouldn't use it against you.