The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread

[dalebert]

[K Style Addiction]

[dalebert]

What's long, hard, and sticky?

-A stick.

[Shantel]

[Shantel]

[dalebert]

[Kittenswithmittens]

[Kittenswithmittens]

I want a pet fish like this.

[Kittenswithmittens]

[K Style Addiction]

[K Style Addiction]

[dalebert]

[Jo-is-amazing]

Why did the Scarecrow win a Nobel prize?

Because he was out-standing in his field

[dalebert]

[dalebert]

[dalebert]

"In Russia, coffin has pipe for air, and bell with string. If man is true Soviet, he does not die. When buried, yells for undertaker and rings bell.
Bell rings. Is no wind.
Undertaker asks - "Are you lady Gorbochev?"
Voice says "Yes!"
"Born winter of 1927?"
"Yes!"
"Gravestone says 'Died 20 February, 1957"
"Niet, am still living!"
"Am sorry, but is August. In June, ground will thaw. You must wait for June."
And woman is true Soviet, waits for June."

[MajorTom]

IS THAT FROM UHF? Weird Al time     

[dalebert]

Your imagine reminded me of this.

[Shantel]

IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS  AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat  Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. 

Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

IRS  AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
   
Boat  Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?

[dalebert]

I'm pretty sure that for some couples, "one I don't hate as much as the others" can quickly devolve into "one I hate more than anyone else".