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The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread

Started by Cindy, June 22, 2014, 09:06:08 PM

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dalebert

I'm part Irish so I'm allowed to tell this joke, but don't any of you non-Irish folk tell it or I'll be offended!  :police:


dalebert

http://www.>-bleeped-<.com/r/Ask>-bleeped-</comments/2zch57/whats_a_short_clean_joke_that_gets_a_laugh_every/

One of my favorites:

Why can't you tell a kleptomaniac a joke?

They always take things literally

dalebert

SO APHRODITE CAN LAY AROUND NUDE IN A CLAM SHELL AND SHE'S A GODDESS, but when I do it, I'm "publicly intoxicated" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium."


dalebert






Dee Marshall

April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!

Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.

They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
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Cindy

After getting all of Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and now that I'm Pope, I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, Dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: " The Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is stumped, " You been drinking, John? "
Cop: " No Sir."
Chief : " Then what makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."
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dalebert

This episode is just chock full of very bad jokes.