Relationships and sex...

[Auroramarianna]

I know this topic has been addressed, but I couldn't help starting a new one.

SO. I usually try to think positive and just give advice to people who are in the same situation, and try to give them hope. But the truth is that I feel hopeless. You see, I have never dated. I don't talk to many people, and since I was very bullied, I get on defensive mode which prevents me from forming many meaningful connections, though I'm not social inept or at least I don't consider myself to be.

I am find myself attracted to guys. But here lies a problem, I still have to present as guy, because I'm not even started transition since my mom is not really accepting and basically thinks I'm sick, but that's another story. I'm very feminine for a guy (voice, face, body), and to be honest, I just don't imagine guys coming to get to know or be interested in me, because 1) most gay and bi guys say they want a "macho" man 2) straight... for obvious reasons. I just can't figure how my body is not being an obstacle to meaningful romantic relationships I could have and should have had at this stage.

It sucks, cause, I too, like many other girls, sometimes find myself thinking that I will have to live single for the rest of my life. I can't imagine myself having sex with a guy as guy... I would only be comfortable passionately kissing as long there are no touches there. I don't know what sex would be like as woman either, so that also confuses/intrigues me.

If I'd been born female, I would probably have experienced this by now, so I just feel sad. Basically, since I'm basically stuck with my body for now, I cannot see how any relationships evolve from here can happen and if they ever do, have a positive outcome. I just feel so sad over this.

It's like our uniqueness, which shouldn't be a bad thing, gets in the way of everything.  Do you think am I reading too much into this? Do you think it is possible I will be able to find a partner?

Thank you for reading

admin 'zerker edit: age

[Valleyrie]

Hey Aurora. I'm in a similar situation as you except I'm into women. I tend to think a lot and usually end up in despair especially about this. I'm pretty much like you where I've never dated, I've been bullied and I have hard times forming connections. I also worry about romantic relationships too... I doubt I could use my stuff without being put off. I'd try not to worry too much, focus on other things or do something new/enjoyable. Whilst our uniqueness isn't a bad thing there's always a positive and negative side to everything. However, from someone experiencing similar things to you I definitely believe it's possible for you to find a partner. You just need to get out and search. School/clubs/groups/hobbies, you can start anywhere really. Just remember that there are people out there who are also different and accepting of people like us.

edit: You also mentioned that you're very feminine which is good for someone who identifies as female but is stuck in a male body. I'd say focus on yourself more and discover who you are and try not to over think things. Just do the things that make you happy and maybe you'll find that one person some day. Don't give up! ^.^

[Joanna Dark]

What do you mean by having sex with a guy as a guy? Would that mean you wouldn't have sex with a man until you had SRS or would transitioning and presenting as female be enough. I have sex with my BF. In fact I did yesterday, though it's tough since he's big and I'm small and too much more will be TMI. But I wouldn't it consider guy on guy sex, hopefully he doesn't but IDK.

I think if you're afraid of being single you're going to have to put yourself out there. I here time and time again that many trans women not only have never dated but also have few friends. I would put yourself out there and go out and make some friends and don't even worry about a relationship. Being alone for too long (I get the feeling your young) isn't a good thing and can leave you permanently awkward when it comes to social situations which will just ake it that much harder. If you're having tons and tons of trouble, perhaps you should see a therapist. No body should spend their days not talking to people. That isn't fun or even healthy. Online forums help but it's not the same as real life interactions.

Also, I  would start HRT asap. Or when you're 18. Whichever comes first.