To stealth or not to stealth

[Thundra]

I am always amused by the very nature of the phrase ~ deep stealth.
It always makes me chuckle to myself when I read it. Sounds so militaristic.

But, it is a part of many people's lives. How do you view yourself on the stealth scale if there were one? Please feel free to make other suggestions for options.

The poll is always anonymous, of course.

[Buffy]

Yes , I do stealth.

My choice, because I can.

Buffy

[Kate]

Assuming I can ever BE stealthy, I'd go with "Don't ask, don't tell, don't deny."

I just want to put this trans stuff behind me and move on. I don't want to make it an issue by hiding it OR being an activist. I want it to become no more important than the fact that I once had chickenpox. Sure, it happened.. what of it? That sorta thing.

In my dreamworld, I'll just end up as just another woman - just with an exotic history.

~Kate~

[LynnER]

I dont advertise, but I dont deny it either if directly asked. 

IF the person needs to know imho I will tell them, but so few need to know...  and anyone that figures it out diserves a cookie anyways LoL  <its impossable to be "stealth" in your home town but its easy to blend in most of the time>

[Wendy]

Thundra,

Stealth is secretive but it can refer to pre or post transition.  Some people transition and live in stealth to try and gain some privacy and just blend in.  Others have not transitioned and live in stealth to minimize negative repercussions such as related to employment or spouse, etc. because they feel uncomfortable in not being able to blend in.

[Hazumu]

It depends on where I am.

Shopping/mall/movies/buying a pack of gum/normal day-to-day whatever -- no, I don't out myself nor want to be outed.  I haven't yet been tested by anyone who read me and then couldn't leave it alone.  That incident happened to another t-woman here in town recently at a fast-food restaurant -- and she REALLY passes well.

Work -- many knew me before.  I can't deny it -- I just do my job.  But, with personnel turnover, I still encounter new people who don't (yet) know my background.  And until someone 'brings them up to speed' about me, if I pass to them, so much the better.

Important activist things -- Yeah, being out is an important part of activism -- being visible in order to raise awareness.  But I try to strive to be seen as just another person, once you factor out the sensational fact I'm trans.

My answer was "I don't think about it", meaning 'So what?  It ain't gonna' change the fact that I'm trans, and that occasionally I and someone else'll have to deal with some discomfort.'

Karen

[katia]

stealth because i want to.

[Fer]

I do stealth too.  My reasons arent important, but quite frankly it comes down to what Buffy said.  Only a person that can is able to do stealth.

[Sarah Louise]

I don't think about it.  It isn't like my family, people I work with, friends (of which I never had many) don't know.  Of course they do.

But I just live my life, going about my business, living each day and trying not to worry about others around me.  I don't draw stares, most people don't have the time to worry about others.  I have never been questioned by any salesperson, waitress, or person on the street.

I'm not an activist, I don't go around yelling on the street, I'm a transsexual.  It isn't any of their business.


Sarah L.

[Lisbeth]

I don't think about it.  It isn't like my family, people I work with, friends (of which I never had many) don't know.  Of course they do.

But I just live my life, going about my business, living each day and trying not to worry about others around me.  I don't draw stares, most people don't have the time to worry about others.  I have never been questioned by any salesperson, waitress, or person on the street.

I'm not an activist, I don't go around yelling on the street, I'm a transsexual.  It isn't any of their business.


Sarah L.

Being an activist doesn't mean going around yelling on the street.  It does mean going out and giving talks, meeting with elected officials and church officials, working on committees, and not being afraid of telling the truth about your past.

What would be the point in going around correcting people who call you "ma'am?"  ("sir" for you guys)  Isn't that what you want in the first place?  We enjoy it when people take us at face value for who we know we are inside.  But at the same time an activist has to be ready to get up and educate people about her/his experiences.  Only this way can the culture change.  Change does not come from theoretical knowledge.  It comes from personally meeting those "other" people and learning that they (a) are not scary and (b) have a life that they want to live too.

I really enjoyed it about two years ago when I gave a talk to one college class.  I arrived before the instructor, so I sat down in the hall where the students were waiting.  I started eavesdropping on a couple of them who were talking about the upcoming presentation and wondering who the guest speaker was going to be.  For a few minutes I enjoyed being stealth while knowing that by the end of the hour I would never be stealth to these young people again.

[Thundra]

I find it interesting that only women have answered the poll.

Can someone make Kiera's dream come true?  Not that one, the one she posted!

Wendy, thank you for the correction. I was remiss. I'd only remembered hearing the term used in the context of a person that finished their transtion, and then said they were "going stealth." If I offended anyone, I apologize.

Thundra

[Jeannette]

Only a person that can is able to do stealth.

I can so I do

[Sheila]

I don't think about it. I will go out and advocate for transgender people all over. I'm kind of an activist, but I have gone inward on that one. I'm not afraid or ashamed of who I am, just I don't think that they have the right to know unless I feel like telling them, boring story. So, I just don't think about it anymore. That is where I'm at now.
Sheila

[Cindi Jones]

I live in stealth.  I have never talked about it with my closest friends.

My very best friend is TS herself so we are completely open with each other... but what we end up talking about is interior decorating, golf, or shopping.  We haven't talked about TS issues for many many years.

I worked hard and went through hell so that I could live my life as a female.  I really don't want to be known as anything else.

Cindi

[Yvonne]

Because of my employment, I have no choice but to be stealth.  Dunno any trans girls in Frankfurt but I'm not going to say there arent any.

[Berliegh]

...I can never understand people who have personalised websites gloryfying the fact that they are transsexual and have a diary....'this is me in 2001'....and 'this is my operation'......this is me before' ..........It is up to the individual but I wouldn't do it.


Yes, it's a transition but I think it's better to keep quiet and not publicise the fact. If I had a website it wouldn't be anything to do with transitioning.  Some might say it's informative but I find it a bit tacky.....

I agree with going stealth and it's vital for survival as a female..

[Thundra]

Honey, if I wrote a book about my crazy life, no one would believe me anyway.

I have no regrets. Life is for living, not for watching and waiting and hoping.

Still, I do not remember ever reading a book about someone that went to the very edge, and then came back. Or about domeone that wasn't really either/or, so maybe I have a niche?
or a crook. Or maybe a cranny?  LOL.

I have a friend that just got a book advance, and it was multiples of 6 figures. People love reading about weird s&%$, so I would definitely get more than she did. Autobiographies beat out non-fiction any day. Weird sells, just like sex sells.

(you might be giving her ideas and lord knows we don't want her sharing any more details with us than she already has LOL )

Are you blushing little one? Awww, how cute!  I have no shame. I have enough self-esteem for any five people.