Therapy - things I didn't expect.

[Kova V]

So I've been going to therapy on a weekly basis for the last two-ish months. Truth be told I went for the letter, but I'm more going for a whole slew of other reasons. Aside from considering to move on from the land of the living, I never realized all the crazy stuff I've been doing to hide who I am or how I try to manage my emotions. I kind of like therapy - totally didn't expect this.

I guess I didn't know what to expect, only talking about the dysphoria. I guess everything in life is related in some abstract way. It makes you wonder if you're really a screw-up or if You're normal and everyone is a screw-up and they just don't know.

Has anyone else had something similar happen - go to therapy for the HRT letter but end up talking about other things?

[Jessica Merriman]

This is exactly why I think Therapy is beneficial for people. Yes everything is related and to have (in my opinion) a successful transition all things need to be addressed. I could not do without mine as things have come up, like with you, that I wasn't aware of. They keep me balanced and on the right path. 

[dalebert]

Has anyone else had something similar happen - go to therapy for the HRT letter but end up talking about other things?

I had a panic attack but thought I was in respiratory distress so I went to the emergency room. This was right after my sister had died unexpectedly but I was taking pills for bronchitis so it kinda made sense to me that I was having trouble breathing. Anyway, once they determined it was a panic attack, they recommended (strongly) that I follow up with a psych-eval. My company insurance didn't cover mental health really but they did have a therapy program so that was my first visit to a therapist. It wasn't dysphoria-related but I do recall wondering how screwed up I was by the time I left. Mostly she just asked questions about my life growing up and it reminded me of all the crap I've dealt with in my life and how fracked up it seemed. I didn't go back. I talked myself into believing I had everything under control. I guess I felt like dredging up all that crap would not be helpful. I honestly am torn whether I was correct or not.

[EllieM]

Actually, I started therapy to find a way to not transition. I was terrified of the prospect. I still find it a bit scary.
I think everyone trans*, CIS, whatever, has side issues. For me, living in denial all my life, hiding who I am, serially re-inventing myself... that certainly contributed to the density of the dark cloud  I came to live under. Therapy helped me a lot. Really, there is no "normal". My psychologist was ready to offer me the letter after a few months of therapy, but I held off for several years beyond that  before I came to understand and accept that it would be my best option. So here I am, transitioning, still seeing my therapist regularly, still benefiting.

[Megan Joanne]

For me it was a waste of my time (not completely this as it was necessary for starting my journey) and money (yeah, this) and at the end of every session there was the hand being held out, not reaching out for me, but for the fee. Bad enough there were those eyes that kept glancing at the time all too much, impatiently listening to my problems, eagerly awaiting for the session to be over with. I was just there for the letter which at the time was needed, otherwise no hormones.

I'd seen too many psychologists when in school when I was younger (because I wasn't social), they were always looking for something that wasn't there and most of them weren't very caring nor nice. I have a huge problem of distrust for anyone that does the whole psychoanalyzing thing for a profession, but only because most of my experiences with them weren't very good. But I also have issues with those in authority too. Maybe I need to be seeing someone afterall.  Nah. 

But if anyone does good with it, keep at it, better you get something out of it than nothing. Maybe I just had the wrong therapists, or maybe I simply just went in there with a negative attitude from the start so all I saw were negatives, the 'I provide something for you if you do for me' scenario. I was always pissed off.

[EllieM]

Well, then. I guess I was just lucky and found a really good one. On more than a few occasions, we went over time (by as much as half an hour) and I was not charged for the extra time. It seems that to her, this is more of a calling, less of a business.

[Tysilio]

It's like any other profession -- there are good and bad practitioners, and a whole raft in between. There's also a personal dimension: even a good therapist may not be the right fit for a particular person.

It's taken me five tries, over 30-some years, to find therapists who have actually helped me get where I needed to be. Some of the earlier ones did help me a lot with things I was going through at the time, but one of them was, IMO, basically guilty of malpractice for the way she responded when I brought up my gender identity -- she was dismissive and disrespectful, and I now believe she set me back on that front by a good 20 years.

[luna nyan]

Kova, I'm glad you're getting a lot from therapy and it seems you have a great rapport with your therapist.  Hopefully you'll unravel more hints about yourself and get to know and accept yourself better - that was really what I got myself.

As with any thing involving others, a great therapist is one you get along with.  The first one I went to had a great reputation in the Sydney trans community - we got along like oil and water.