Hello everyone...as the title said I had a couple questions but mainly I just wanted to introduce myself and such since I'm new around here (as in, just made this account tonight, lol).
Sorry if the username seems out of place. It's a name that's sort of stuck with me since I was a kid, but that's another story for another time. The story I really want to tell you all is this:
I can remember things dating back to when I was very small that told me maybe who I am is a little different from how most people see me. For example, once in pre-school I made a comment to another student about having been a boy at one point/being a boy. He just looked at me as if I was crazy and said something to the effect of "No...you're a girl, dummy". This was the first time anyone put me down for thinking or feeling this way.
I pushed it away for so long after that I can't remember too many other incidents until middle school. One day my best friend at the time turned to me and asked "If you were a guy do you think people would assume we were boyfriend and girlfriend?" I never told her how clearly I could picture it, us doing just what were then, just sitting and eating lunch, but with me as a male and maybe us sitting a little closer (as the years have past I realized maybe I had a little bit of a crush on her, hehe). I got scared, pushed it away and refused to acknowledge I'd even though it.
The years went on, that friend and I stopped talking but something she said stuck with me. One of my other good friends supposedly, according to her, had a massive crush on me and it got where when he was visiting me one day I confronted him about it. He admitted it was true and two days later we started dating. One night it hit me; those thoughts never really left, I'd just tried to ignore them. I tried to talk to him about it the next day-we had been friends for years and exclusive for about a month and a half so I figured "If I can tell anyone it would be him, right?" Wrong, he told me flat out he thought I was making a mistake, citing this story about another friend of his who had transitioned and ended up a very unlikable person because of it. So I stopped talking about it, forced myself not to read into any further thoughts.
On and on for a few more years until four months ago. I couldn't deny it to myself anymore, I finally broke down and told my girlfriend how I'd been feeling. She was the first person to ever tell me it was worth looking into, so I have been. I also have admitted to myself I do feel some physical disphoria-I don't hate the female aspects about my appearance besides my chest but I don't particularly like them either-and I've always had social-not so much being called she/her but being treated as female ("C'mon, wear something more girly, you'll look soooo pretty!" and crap like that).
She and my father are the only two people who I know without a shadow of a doubt will support me. She has already offered countless times to use male pronouns and my chosen male name (Cain, for those who are curious), and I know my dad would if I asked him to. Some of my friends know and are extremely supportive, my god-sister knows and is also being supportive, my mom...not so much, sadly.
Anyway, my question is this...do you guys here think I should pursue this? I'm making no claims to know where I fall just yet but I figured these questions would be best asked here. I hesitated to do this but well...nothing ventured and nothing gained and all. I have a general therapists lined up so I may bring it up to them but I figured before hand it would be worth posting my story and seeing what you all thought. Umm...I think that's all for now .w.
