Is this reckless of me?

[LittleEmily24]

Lately, i've been trying to be more positive ~ i've been leaving my house with the mindset of "live my life as if i was born female", and i've been correcting people and just not filtering myself at all. I've also been telling myself "i feel like I pass, therefore I pass", so its been helping me to just be myself and have decent selective sight. it seems to be working well for me because i've been getting gendered correctly and i've been getting less stares (or so I think)

But something else ive been doing ~ let me give a little back story ~ Men absolutely terrify me... not in a school girl hee hee kind of terror... i mean in a "oh ->-bleeped-<- they're going to kill me" kind of terror, and this is based on how men have stared me down, reacted to me, treated me my entire life pre and post transition... i feel that they are scary and they truly mortify me... ive been "danced with" before, not really looking for attention at a club or bar... and then when they "connected the dots" the face they had on was one that would make you sleep with one eye open... and it wasn't even my fault. In public, men usually look at me as though i'm something that needs to be shot.. i've learned to ignore it.

Back to the topic ~ lately with my newfound attitude, whenever men look at me (save for the ones who look like they wanna lynch me) I smile back, and pretend as though they are looking at me for a positive reason and not a negative reason... i dont give them a provocative or engaging look, I just smile at them innocently instead of looking away shy and embarassed... would this be considered reckless? am I holding a double edged knife? I feel that if I smile at their blank faces, that it makes me feel better about myself, it allows me to believe "they are looking at me because something about me caught there eye and not because they can tell i'm trans." and its really been a bit therapeutic... but am I just endangering my life by doing this? Could i potentially make a guy snap by smiling at him?

[Umiko]

reckless, very very reckless emmie! xD just kidding  i just woke up so i need to get my playful self out for a moment. men in general are scary but kick them off their high horse and they are just as scary as cute furry bunnies xD your doing the right thing in killing them with kindness but i hear this advice a lot: go out with another person and with a can of pepper spray just in case  guys like to show off their power so the act of smiling itself and just walking away, get on with your business not only confuses them, but also takes away any type of control they may have. i do the same thing. if a guy comes up to me and tries to overpower me, i just stand my ground, say how do you do with a smile and just get back to my business and ignore whatever harshness they throw up me. if you have the mindset that you will survive this because its for you and not anyone else, that fear you have will lessen but do still be careful. k sis lol

[AnnaCannibal]

I know where you're coming from.  At first, when guys would stare at me I really thought they might be thinking hostile thoughts and it made me feel extremely uncomfortable.  Now I just smile and they tend to just smile in a nice way back. So yes, most of it is in our heads!  You never know though and being safe "just in case" doesn't hurt anyone, except a possible assailant.  I carry around pepper spray and a pink taser I ordered online.  Never had to use them, and thats a good thing!

[LittleEmily24]

reckless, very very reckless emmie! xD just kidding  i just woke up so i need to get my playful self out for a moment. men in general are scary but kick them off their high horse and they are just as scary as cute furry bunnies xD your doing the right thing in killing them with kindness but i hear this advice a lot: go out with another person and with a can of pepper spray just in case  guys like to show off their power so the act of smiling itself and just walking away, get on with your business not only confuses them, but also takes away any type of control they may have. i do the same thing. if a guy comes up to me and tries to overpower me, i just stand my ground, say how do you do with a smile and just get back to my business and ignore whatever harshness they throw up me. if you have the mindset that you will survive this because its for you and not anyone else, that fear you have will lessen but do still be careful. k sis lol

Yeah i've been telling my wife that we should invest in some form of self defense weapon until we an afford self defense classes (we are broke and trying to bring down a mountain of debt lol), I mean I like to believe that being a woman doesn't change that I'm 6'1 lol and being 6'1" results in an instinctual animalistic response of "don't f*** with the object that is bigger than me" lol, but I'm really a fragile butterfly, i couldn't even hurt a plushie . So far i've never been confronted by a guy who wants to take control, most guys avoid me and the ones that are left talk to me like I'm a gay guy or a guy in drag =/ so i honestly don't know how to feel about their intentions, but i smile regardless.... I hope to see the day where a man will show genuine interest in me as a woman, til then i'll just pretend they already do.

Oh and don't worry lol, i never go out alone... unless its day time ~ which i know anything can happen at any time... i live in a town that is so hardcore police guarded  that people don't even litter... all they are armed with are menacing stares and uneducated remarks... its mostly rich Venezuelans and their rich douchebag children. If i ever go out at night, its with a group of at least 3.

You need to remember that, no matter who you are, there's always a loose cannon out there who could strike at you for any reason.. or for no reason! Plain and simple.. trust people, but be keen in your observance of them, especially at first. It's natural for guys to be attracted to you... and it's natural for a woman, any woman... to feel weirded out by that at times... because lets face it...some dudes are creepy as hell! I always try to smile at strangers, it shows confidence. I try to sell myself to people in that first impression... I'm kind, I listen, I smile, I look them straight in the eyes...call them by name if I know it. Sounds like your doing exactly what I do, and so far I've been successful.  

BTW...trust me, they're looking at you because your an attractive female. They're men, it's amazing they can walk upright...

aww <3 thanks lol I like to believe that (recently) too. I mean I guess i understand that when you start to get opposite sex attraction, it can feel a little weird at first.. i guess i'm just sort of brainwashed by how things have been going so far ~ i always talk to people in a kind and genuinely interested manner, and I always make eye contact, I just let my flowy fluttery self shine through, and their responses are usually not indicative or affirming of my femininity =/ I'll leave the "talking" part to another month further along in my transition and only stick to the eye contact and glances for now.. the talking part right now is equivalent to seeing a 100$ bill on the floor and then picking it up and realizing that its ripped in half. Thanks though ~ i'll keep in mind the idea that i'm aesthetically pleasing for men to look at lol

I know where you're coming from.  At first, when guys would stare at me I really thought they might be thinking hostile thoughts and it made me feel extremely uncomfortable.  Now I just smile and they tend to just smile in a nice way back. So yes, most of it is in our heads!  You never know though and being safe "just in case" doesn't hurt anyone, except a possible assailant.  I carry around pepper spray and a pink taser I ordered online.  Never had to use them, and thats a good thing!

I can admit that maybe its sometimes in my head... but theres a certain trait to the menacing stares that are unmistakebly hostile, especially when the menacing stare is followed by stopping mid conversation and breaking their neck to continue the stare down. Those stares are the ones that send shivers down my spine. So far, no guy has smiled back at me, and i suppose thats ok. Im gonna be starting school soon and taking the metro, and getting out late at night.... I hope i don't run into any unsavory situations.

[Miharu Barbie]

Honestly Emily, I believe that your new approach to transition, your attitude about gender presentation, and your response to the attention you're getting is a stroke of pure genius!  PURE GENIUS!

If you're curious about the medical/scientific basis of the genius of your new mindset, check out the book by Dr. Joe Dispenza "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One", and also the book by Dr. Bruce Lipton "The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles". 

You have basically begun the process restructuring your physical brain, which is going to restructure the very energy field of your physical presence, which is going to restructure how people see you and interact with you.  There is a biochemical science behind what you are doing.  And it sounds to me as though you've got it exactly right.

You're brilliant.  I'm filled with admiration.   

[LittleEmily24]

Honestly Emily, I believe that your new approach to transition, your attitude about gender presentation, and your response to the attention you're getting is a stroke of pure genius!  PURE GENIUS!

If you're curious about the medical/scientific basis of the genius of your new mindset, check out the book by Dr. Joe Dispenza "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One", and also the book by Dr. Bruce Lipton "The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles". 

You have basically begun the process restructuring your physical brain, which is going to restructure the very energy field of your physical presence, which is going to restructure how people see you and interact with you.  There is a biochemical science behind what you are doing.  And it sounds to me as though you've got it exactly right.

You're brilliant.  I'm filled with admiration.   

<3 this made me smile very wide    I mean, i've always been a firm believer of the power of positive thinking and the energy you can attract to yourself if you simply bathe yourself in that very energy, and how we attract exactly what we want out of the universe by just believing that we already have it or that obtaining it is no impossibility (not necessarily to the same detail as "the secret"... i mean i don't think that doing the same thing about a parking spot is very... accurate, in any way more than just purely coincidence but..) I've just never been a good "practitioner" of such beliefs and now that I'm attempting to do away with my current mindset no matter how much my adverse mind might try to intrude, it seems to be working well for me

Hopefully soon i'll be able to leave my old mentality behind for good

[Miharu Barbie]

You're awesome.  Dr Bruce Lipton and Dr Joe Dispenza both have some very good videos on Youtube on the subject.  They are both worth taking a look at.  You might even find some inspiration in their presentations about the biochemical science behind the power of positive thinking.

You go girl!

[stephaniec]

I usually take no prisoners , I smile at everyone if they look my way

[LittleEmily24]

I usually take no prisoners , I smile at everyone if they look my way

lol its hard for me to smile at people who misgender me >_< or people who stare rudely or with a face of disgust. I'll just make it awkward for them and walk past, and then do the WHIP stare lol... they'll look at me and out of nowhere i will turn around and make DIRECT eye contact and they get startled LOL

[Jessica Merriman]

I just smile at them innocently instead of looking away shy and embarassed... would this be considered reckless?

I don't think it is. You are a woman and that is how we react to people. 

[LittleEmily24]

I don't think it is. You are a woman and that is how we react to people. 

I totally agree !! Members of the male gender however, might not be so inclined to agree lol specifically the hispanic male >_< walking testosterone machines.

[Ashey]

If a guy looks at me for longer than usual or if he turns to look at me, I just assume it's because he thinks I'm pretty. Lol, I guess I'm useless here but I would say it depends on your surroundings on how you should react to people. If you're in a mall or something, and there are a lot of people, I wouldn't be worried at all. But some place darker, more secluded, etc. I would keep my head down and press on.

[Lady_Oracle]

For my own safety I just don't flirt with any random guys I don't know. I have very few guys friends and they're super awesome. I wish all guys were just as awesome as them cause I feel very comfortable around them. But yeah I kind of get anxiety going out sometimes cause I have a big butt and do get the "checking you out look" from dudes. I'm gay so it doesn't matter really but either way I keep a constant worry about pissing off a guy and it turning violent, especially cause of my area. 

[Ms Grace]

For some guys the look of disgust is what they think passes a "looking cool/sexy"...

[HoneyStrums]

No not reckless. Reckless would be when you think there is no chance of danger There is also a bit of danger in the so far I passing with this mentality too, that danger being that being clocked in this mind set could knock you for a six, especially if it hasn't happened for a while.

So what your asking is, is it reckless to be awere of a possible danger? FAR FROM IT.

[Megan Joanne]

I think what you are doing, your whole new attitude LittleEmily is wonderful. About time.  Keep at it girl, you'll be okay. 

[LittleEmily24]

For my own safety I just don't flirt with any random guys I don't know. I have very few guys friends and they're super awesome. I wish all guys were just as awesome as them cause I feel very comfortable around them. But yeah I kind of get anxiety going out sometimes cause I have a big butt and do get the "checking you out look" from dudes. I'm gay so it doesn't matter really but either way I keep a constant worry about pissing off a guy and it turning violent, especially cause of my area.

you and me both -_- my male friends are stuck in this mentality that treating me and respecting me like a woman is somehow unachievable... I feel safe around them, sure... but i don't feel very comfortable around them because they engage me in a very frustrating way.

I dont currently have any "checking you out" worthy attributes, at least i personally dont see anything worth "liking" about my physical appearance. I mean I'm into women but lately i find that i crave the attention of men... i want them to pay attention to me, i want them to see, speak, treat, engage me as a woman.. i want them to have attraction towards me, even if minimal.. even if just as a friendly gesture meant only for friendship... but friendship between a guy and girl... not a guy and guy. Its weird because pre hrt I was all "i'd like to have a guy experience" then early HRT i was like "F*** men! why would i ever want them in my life" and now I'm like... really wanting attention from them... maybe its just a desire brought on by the fact that men treat me like a guy in drag or a gay guy instead of respectfully treating me as a woman... and sometimes its astounding how they treat me like a guy... the way they address me, the way they talk to me... even the way they TOUCH me... its in a way a man would engage another man, and it brings out an unholy frustration in me (which i dont express openly, but it festers in me). 

For some guys the look of disgust is what they think passes a "looking cool/sexy"...

0_o i must've missed the memo lol... if that's the new interpretation of it, then I must be a total hottie lol

No not reckless. Reckless would be when you think there is no chance of danger There is also a bit of danger in the so far I passing with this mentality too, that danger being that being clocked in this mind set could knock you for a six, especially if it hasn't happened for a while.

So what your asking is, is it reckless to be awere of a possible danger? FAR FROM IT.

meh, I don't worry too much about getting clocked with the newly acquired mentality, i chock up their mistakes or slip ups as temporary blindness or slip of the tongue. Not sure how healthy it is to be telling myself "i'm sure they meant she, people can be so clumsy *giggle*" to my psyche, hope it doesnt work against me and turn me into Morello from Orange Is The New Black.

I think what you are doing, your whole new attitude LittleEmily is wonderful. About time.  Keep at it girl, you'll be okay. 

Thank you its hard work though, I'm currently trying to devise a mental blueprint to develop an imaginary device that can distribute this feeling more evenly without using so much electricity, so then it's not so exhausting lol

If a guy looks at me for longer than usual or if he turns to look at me, I just assume it's because he thinks I'm pretty. Lol, I guess I'm useless here but I would say it depends on your surroundings on how you should react to people. If you're in a mall or something, and there are a lot of people, I wouldn't be worried at all. But some place darker, more secluded, etc. I would keep my head down and press on.

lol Thats exactly what i'm trying to achieve xD without bordering into delusion LOL

The thing is that hispanics have a very short fuse, and they dont care WHERE they are... if "->-bleeped-<- is about to pop off" they'll "get froggy"... the people down here SWEAR that they are thugs and often times it results in unnecessary machismo roid rage... so location for me doesn't seem to apply... i can anger some cholo-wannabe at the mall just as easily as I can do it at a bar in downtown at 3 in the morning. Its unfortunate but -_- welcome to little south america.

I'm just tired of doing just that... keeping my head down.. its all ive been doing since i started transitioning and there's no fun in going full time and being me and enjoying my life as a woman if i can't act like one out of fear.. So i've chosen to do away with keeping my head down especially since i live in an area where people can easily be misread ( in fact, how hilariously coincidental, i was actually talking to my wife about this  in the morning lol about how people in Miami can be very double-standard or two faced) I guess if i get my ass beat, it will be for a just cause.

[Lady_Oracle]

you and me both -_- my male friends are stuck in this mentality that treating me and respecting me like a woman is somehow unachievable... I feel safe around them, sure... but i don't feel very comfortable around them because they engage me in a very frustrating way.

I dont currently have any "checking you out" worthy attributes, at least i personally dont see anything worth "liking" about my physical appearance. I mean I'm into women but lately i find that i crave the attention of men... i want them to pay attention to me, i want them to see, speak, treat, engage me as a woman.. i want them to have attraction towards me, even if minimal.. even if just as a friendly gesture meant only for friendship... but friendship between a guy and girl... not a guy and guy. Its weird because pre hrt I was all "i'd like to have a guy experience" then early HRT i was like "F*** men! why would i ever want them in my life" and now I'm like... really wanting attention from them... maybe its just a desire brought on by the fact that men treat me like a guy in drag or a gay guy instead of respectfully treating me as a woman... and sometimes its astounding how they treat me like a guy... the way they address me, the way they talk to me... even the way they TOUCH me... its in a way a man would engage another man, and it brings out an unholy frustration in me (which i dont express openly, but it festers in me). 

Ugh that sucks but I went through somethin similar with my best guy friend who I grew up with. It took him like almost a year for things to settle after I came out to him. At first he was still treating me like I was his "bro" but after a while it just became awkward and he began to treat me like any other gal. Now it's gotten to the point where we're so comfortable with each other we casually flirt lol. Hes the best possible friend I could ever have. Hes always giving me compliments and bringing me up.

I understand your frustration completely though. Its such crap but it is what it is at some point it's gonna become super awkward for them to treat you like that but if I were you I would most definitely express that frustration and let them know how you feel!