I'm a monster

[K Style Addiction]

I don't expect any replies, i don't do this for attention, i'm pretty sure people are sick of me bitching and think i'm a loser anyway. I am a monster, i feel like a monster, i feel like an outcast, i feel ugly, i feel hated, i feel unloved. I had a fight with my mother that ->-bleeped-<-ing lasted 2-3 hours, i hate myself....been listening to Phantom Of The Opera, i'm poor so more than before i have more worries now.

I hate my life, i hate myself.

[Jessica Merriman]

 

[crowcrow223]

I'm sorry to hear that.

What did you fight over? What was the outcome?

I believe every negative thing we had to go through in life, shapes us a person and happens for a reason, if it's of any consolation

[Jess42]

I don't expect any replies, i don't do this for attention, i'm pretty sure people are sick of me bitching and think i'm a loser anyway. I am a monster, i feel like a monster, i feel like an outcast, i feel ugly, i feel hated, i feel unloved. I had a fight with my mother that ->-bleeped-<-ing lasted 2-3 hours, i hate myself....been listening to Phantom Of The Opera, i'm poor so more than before i have more worries now.

I hate my life, i hate myself.

Well, you are gonna get a reply from me Donna. You should know that. I am not sick of you bitching, sometimes we just gotta, ya' know? Honestly I really don't think you do it for attention, maybe for affirmation though which isn't the same thing really. You are not a monster. There are real life monsters out there and you are not one. I myself feel like an outcast too but I actually revel in that feeling 'cause I have enough courage to go my own way. I done told you Donna, you are not ugly. You ain't callin' me a liar, are ya? That kind of urts my feelings. But I do understand. I have actually been called ugly by people and have been called good looking by people that were way better looking than the ones that called me ugly. So we aren't everone's cup of tea or ideals of beauty no matter trans or cis but we really need to be our idea of beauty or at least comfortable in that fact. Again I will tell you, you are a long way from being ugly and I in no way hate you and I am pretty sure everyone here at susans don't hate you either.

Those fights with your mom, really don't seem healthy and maybe some counseling may do you two good.

Poor? I have been there and have sustained for 6 months on two bologna sandwiches once a day. Playing working gigs that didn't pay much, maybe 50 bucks for each member if we were lucky and doing a sucky job tha was phsycially miserable ,a lot of it pertained to grinding fiberglass without all the safety stuff in modern times. I was Wal Mart's leading pur->-bleeped-<- of pantyhose. That job would barely pay the rent but always looking for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You may well never find it. I got close but everything crashed around me and had to figure something else out. My heart goes out to you on that one for sure.

So really big hug from me to you and hope you get to feeling better.

[Jessica Merriman]

Locked per OP request.