Genderpivot or bigender demigirl?

[VeronicaLynn]

Yeah, yet another label, and yet this one seems to describe me better than Genderfluid:

From http://fyeahgenderqueers.tumblr.com/post/7656304788/genderpivot
Genderpivot:
a term i coined to describe the intersection of genderfluid and bigender identities in which one of the genders remains stagnant while the second gender fluctuates without a predestined path.

Whether it's because culture or just that I've been maintaining my male persona for over 30 years, it's clearly defined. It's not just a guy, or even a specific type of guy, it's me, or at least the part of me I allow all of the world to see. It's the only male persona I know how to or care to use. It just isn't all of who I am...

At the same time, I've also been looking at demigirl as a label for my feminine side. It seems to fit as it isn't just the biological things about being a woman I feel I'll never understand. There's a lot of behaviors and thought processes most women seem to have that I just don't have, and don't want to have either. Is bigender demigirl the better label for me?

I have no idea, I just know at this point I'm drowning in gender fluid...

[VeronicaLynn]

To those who haven't read some of my other recent posts, I'm also reconsidering cis-male that's just REALLY, REALLY in touch with his feminine side. It still just comes down to the fact I was happier when I was in denial mode, and can't exactly totally go back to that, at least the way it was.

I do feel like I simply can't be anything fluid and be mentally stable, though if others figure out a way to be I'm sure it can be a fun ride. I absolutely hate this society that it just couldn't accept a little boy that was a little different than other boys, and that they had to make him either gay or transexual or asexual, because god-forbid a boy that actually likes everything about girls and is still attracted to them, and never went through that girls have cooties phase that for whatever reason most boys do, oh no that can't happen.

I guess at this point reexamining my male side is what I need to do, it might very well be impossible to go back to completely being a guy at this point, but only because of society. A girl can be a tomboy and still be a girl, but a guy in this society essentially cannot do the equivalent, but that's society's rules, not mine. Exactly why can't I be a veronicagirl, and still be a guy in the same way?

[saint]

I guess at this point reexamining my male side is what I need to do, it might very well be impossible to go back to completely being a guy at this point, but only because of society. A girl can be a tomboy and still be a girl, but a guy in this society essentially cannot do the equivalent, but that's society's rules, not mine. Exactly why can't I be a veronicagirl, and still be a guy in the same way?

I say you can be if that's any use to you

[Brenda E]

Exactly why can't I be a veronicagirl, and still be a guy in the same way?

You can be.  Step outside the complex world of increasingly-specific labels and constrictive gender subcategories, and just imagine who you want to live your life as.  It is that simple.

[helen2010]

I really do believe that it is never too late;  that the best time to start is right now; and heading in a positive direction will almost always take you towards a far better place.

Society is becoming more tolerant,  your self understanding and insight seem much improved.  Suspend your disbelief and be the way that you need and want to be.  From where I sit, I can't identify a single reason for not taking this journey and not setting out in the direction which you choose.

Safe travels

Aisla

[VeronicaLynn]

Thanks everyone. I feel a bit better.

Learning of this genderpivot label though has made me notice that I may have incorrectly been labeling myself as genderfluid/bigender and sometimes been thinking of them as the same thing when they are not. They are similar, but there are some subtle differences.

Incorrectly labeling oneself can be really bad, as one can feel the need to fit the stereotype of the label. I do know the direction I want to head.

[eli77]

A label should fit the person, the person shouldn't fit a label.

Labels are really just a short-hand way of saying "this is me." Or rather "this is part of who I am."

I mean, I can say that I'm this person who takes estrogen pills and was considered a boy at birth and had a bunch of surgeries and is legally female and essentially lives life as a woman but doesn't really feel gender very much or very clearly and is really queer and mostly wears clothes that come from the men's sections of stores and...

Or I could say that I'm a non-binary transsexual female.

But the important part, the meaningful part, is actually the complicated, intricate, confusing description. Because no matter how good or how close the label is, it isn't as clear as me just talking about who I am and how I think.

Labels aren't really for you, they are for everyone else. They are an effort to explain yourself more succinctly to others. But in the end it comes down to how you feel and think and see yourself that matters for yourself. Don't get lost in the labels, nah?

[VeronicaLynn]

I guess you are right, I'm a veronicagirl to myself, but bigender if someone else needs me to have a label. In any case, this little experiment of me trying to find this happy middle that some genderfluid people talk about is officially over. There may be a middle, but for me it isn't happy.

[ativan]

Be descriptive of yourself, not a description.
A description is hard to get away from, a box that's hard to climb back out of.
Be descriptive, you can and should be changing that all the time.
That's easier to do, and what you should be doing.
It's moving forward instead of trying to find a way out of a boxed description, a label.
You've already been descriptive, leave the descriptions behind and don't use the ones that others pin on you.
They own those, not you. Leave them behind for them to own.
You own your ability to be descriptive.
When you use descriptions, boxes, labels, others own you too.
Be descriptive, like you have been, and own it.
Ativan

[VeronicaLynn]

As much as I hate labels, and I understand what all of you have said, I feel the need for a label. To put it another way, if I were just transgender, I could find a way accept and to be confident in it. It would actually be much easier if I were just transgender, as I was actually thinking I was the whole time I was in denial, but when I go too feminine and something flips me masculine, I get reverse dysphoria, and that is really much worse than the other way around. It's really the reason I can't ever transition...

Really the second part of my original question actually fits, if I must have a label, bigender demigirl, I have to be able to be fully male at any moment, the girl part is just there, it's always there, whether in the background or foreground, that part can't be bottled up or there are other problems, but I also don't feel the need to be fully a woman. I think I'll just leave it at bigender though as my label for now though. I think the only way I can be confident is to look at it as I am always a man, and also always a woman, it's just the outfit that changes, and yes I am still always a veronicagirl, but only those who read this thread know what I mean by that.

[ativan]

That's very descriptive with hardly a mention of a label, and only as a 'if you must have'.
It works very nicely, we know you better, and at the least, I know what you mean by that.
Ativan