so you want a guy's skin?

[ElioAyla]

I just don't know what to do from here.
Maybe something went wrong when I was a child. Maybe, ya know, I got warped to be this giy, this person. But maybe I always ripped off my dresses and demanded shorts. Maybe I asked for a haircut at 6 because I hated the girl appearance. maybe I am just reacting to the subliminal messages that tell me to conform, rejecting them and coming out the opposite of what they wanted me to be. But I am not female and I cant live this lie.

I tried to show my lover a page with a binder on it and he said, "that's for guys" ... "oh so you want to be in a guy's skin".

and he is right. I do. maybe this is retribution, maybe I did something horrible in a past life. maybe that's why I got this burden thrust onto me.

someone who loves me dearly as the woman I never was
a body that is nothing but alien
and a mind that seeks to transcend all physical restraints and soar out into the astral....with no body....
and be free.....

[Edge]

Well. That sounds very familiar.

[Bombadil]

you'll find your not alone here. feel free to talk more about what's going on with you and ask questions.

[GnomeKid]

yea... its an awkward kind of thing

Binding is what got my gf of the time realizing I was trans and she helped me along in that journey. 

Hah. Sometimes when i'm feeling spiritual (or pseudo-spiritual, really, in my case.)  I think that maybe I must have been a horrible rapist or something in my past life to deserve the life I lead today.  Doesn't really help much of anything, so I try to avoid any sort of deep thoughts of "why?"  After all... for something like this what does it matter as to why?  it is what it is.  Now you've just got to decide what you want to do about it, or if you're even ready to do anything about it, or if you just want to keep on keeping on... All are legitimate options. 

[devention]

I'm sorry, but the title of the topic made me think of making a "man suit" a la Buffalo Bill's woman suit, and it made me laugh a little.
Titles aside, yeah. I feel you, man. Thinking about the why is something that keeps me up a lot of nights, but like gnomekid said, ultimately, the why is pretty irrelevant. Even if we knew for sure what causes gender dysphoria, that doesn't mean we can do anything about the root of the issue. The only thing that really matters is what we do with our situations to help ourselves and people who are in similar ones cope with living this kind of life. It's tough, but I think most of us are tougher than most.
Good luck. The community here is pretty amazing, so if you have any questions or concerns,

[ElioAyla]

yea... its an awkward kind of thing

Binding is what got my gf of the time realizing I was trans and she helped me along in that journey. 

Hah. Sometimes when i'm feeling spiritual (or pseudo-spiritual, really, in my case.)  I think that maybe I must have been a horrible rapist or something in my past life to deserve the life I lead today.  Doesn't really help much of anything, so I try to avoid any sort of deep thoughts of "why?"  After all... for something like this what does it matter as to why?  it is what it is.  Now you've just got to decide what you want to do about it, or if you're even ready to do anything about it, or if you just want to keep on keeping on... All are legitimate options.

yeah....I generally take approach to it, I just kind of lost it last night. (not to mention I was almost blacked out on franzia wine).
this is what it is....and throwing it away and starting over seems futile and rather immature. I know I want to transition, but I don't know for sure how far I am prepared to go. I just found out they don't need me at my job anymore so I got let go, but I still a little cash left to hopefully get a decent binder and an STP at least just to start, just to feel a little more comfortable and at ease. I feel like presenting as male would ease sooo much social anxiety/discomfort/dysphoria.....

if anyone has any tips for passing for a smaller person, that would be cool.

I'm tattooed pierced and getting more soon. Gonna post a separate thread about this one.

my job was extremely fast paced and I got in good shape fast so I gotta hit the gym now or loose all my progressbut I don't want to go as a woman, so I am here waiting, trying to figure out the very best binder and STP/packer I can get, since I don't have much funds. (I'm checking out the guide to free at home bodybuilding on here now)

my family is questionably supportive, (my mom supports me to a degree, dad doesn't know, grandma...knows but denies it, and my partner...doesn't like to think about it) and I think I need to make and reconnect with some friends, but I feel so weird as a female, so I don't make any effort to hang out. I think this will change when I start binding / packing.

Plus I got no energy, I feel so drained, especially since stopping the Adderall I was on, and stopping Depo 3 months ago which I had been on previously for about 6 years as a teen to avoid periods and as birth control.

I have lost a large amount of bone marrow density. I have heard that T can increase bone marrow density, so I am very excited about that. I feel as though I subconsciously tricked my future self into needing Testosterone at this point in my life, since it would probably make me feel so much more normal body wise too. 

END RANT
sorry guys I just need somewhere to vent. hope I'm not too annoying....

[ElioAyla]

I'm sorry, but the title of the topic made me think of making a "man suit" a la Buffalo Bill's woman suit, and it made me laugh a little.
Titles aside, yeah. I feel you, man. Thinking about the why is something that keeps me up a lot of nights, but like gnomekid said, ultimately, the why is pretty irrelevant. Even if we knew for sure what causes gender dysphoria, that doesn't mean we can do anything about the root of the issue. The only thing that really matters is what we do with our situations to help ourselves and people who are in similar ones cope with living this kind of life. It's tough, but I think most of us are tougher than most.
Good luck. The community here is pretty amazing, so if you have any questions or concerns,

LOL about Buffalo Bill. And yeah....I'm just gonna move forward with the things and feel good, natural and make sense to me.