I work in an office with 5 other people, Ive discussed going fulltime with 2 of them before going to my office manager. They where both fine with it, and one of them actually likes my style (the other is a guy and just abhorrent with style so has no opinion). I told my office manager im going to start wearing makeup and female work attire soon, more as an fyi, and was initially excited about it as she gave her permission, but now im starting to feel a little, i dunno, maybe like she doesnt trust me, or she has a learned bias to think of transgender people in a less than flattering way.
She made the following stipulations: In the office they will still use my male name. She asked about legal changes, I told her im fine holding off on all that as i know that would cause a some strain on her, but Id like to start using my name at work. I guess i cant really control what they call me as long as its not demeaning, so whatever they need to do i guess... Which also means they will introduce any new clients with my male name, which will just end up causing more "explaining" in the future, id rather just do it now with who we have.
Second, she wants me to present male on site for clients and in front of our accountant and banker, who whoever knows me outside the office as male when they come to the office. Im kind of ok with the first, as our clients work in factories where id just wear dingy guy clothes even presenting female. The second one bothers me though, because those people might know my name and my gender, but they dont really know me, and I dont know them, so whats the point in that? I do have a problem with both though in that my voice is 100% read as a woman if im not introduced as my male name, sooooo, ive got a female voice (not to mention mannerisms and growing breasts) and im just not changing that. period. So theres already a bit of an issue there anyway...
Last, she seemed to overly stress APPROPRIATE a lot. As if she didnt trust me that i understand what appropriate means for womens clothes. I even showed her a picture, and said, look, thats me dressing down, if I wore that here it would be a longer skirt, a blazer of the shirt, etc etc. I think I know what Im doing pretty well there, ive been noticing what women my age wear in what enviroments for years and years, its not like im going to go crazy with it... She also admitted that when she saw the picture her gut reaction was "Dude, really? WTF are you doing in womens clothes?" Also said my bony guy knees look awkward in a skirt. Great, as if I didnt have enough to be dysphoric about... She also dislikes my style, but I dislike hers right back, shes one of the ed hardy crowd, no offense to anyone else who likes ed hardy, I just.... its not for me.
She has been the most awkward in the office about it, and I can tell she is trying. I also am grateful that they are being fairly decent about all of this, its not something theyve ever seen or understand and any sort of misgivings or sexism theyve been good about keeping to themselves, and I know that is rarely the case... Just not sure how to gain her trust other than wearing cute and appropriate clothes everyday. Im mostly annoyed with the name thing cause there isnt much I can do about that.
Oh, and for reference, and because I thought the outfit was rather cute, a picture of something Id wear day-to-day, some slight modifications for work, but pretty close to work appropriate in my mind:
Also, because Im a bit obessesed with my passibilty, if anyone wants to comment on that, please absolutely do...