The "before" picture has been shown here, previously. It was taken about 7 years ago when I weighed about 90 pounds more than I do now. The "after" picture was taken this morning at about 4:30am. That was after a disastrous night of clubbing, where I had my keys stolen. That story has been told in another thread, so I will skip the details here, but it sets up a logistical nightmare for me over the next several days. That was added on top of a whole host of other issues I need to deal with the next several weeks because of my imploding marriage. I am about as stressed as I can be right now.
Yet when I look at this morning's picture of me I see something I really like. When I started HRT, I wasn't thoroughly convinced I wanted to transition. I wanted to try it on for size first. I had this crazy notion that if I was going to become a woman, I wanted to be the kewless 60 year old chick ever, and I wasn't even thinking about my chromosome makeup at all in that context. Of course, there was another part of me that thought that was utterly ridiculous.
Well, something happened along the way that actually sort of stunned me. The more I pursued that vision of myself, the more it became ok in my mind to pursue it. It was ok to be my authentic self, even if nobody else agrees.
In the after picture, I am actually looking at my image on the monitor. And what I see on my face is utter satisfaction with who I am. I am comfortable in my skin for the very first time in my life, and it shows. I like this April; I wish I had let her out a few decades earlier. Oh, what trouble we could have made, but even at almost 60, she is still pretty kewl. I am wearing her now, and she fits perfectly.
