What do you look for in a therapist?

[Wendy]

Dear Debbie,

Have the therapists given you new insights about yourself?

Have you found more peace within yourself?

Has your wife become more accepting?

Hope you are well!

W

[rhonda13000]

Competence, confidence, intelligence, sureness of herself and the 'treatment vector' by which to effect healing..., genuine concern....

and a sense of humanity.

I have just described my new therapist, Kathryn.

[debbiej]

Berliegh,

I am so sorry that you haven't been able to find the help that you deserve. I sense your great frustrations and I wish there was something that I could do to help. 

Wendy,

Its my busy time of year so I haven't been able to see my therapist for a few weeks. When I first started I was pretty stressed out and my weekly visits gave me a goal to work towards (If I can just make it till Tuesday and I'll be able to talk about this) While I appreciate the sessions with her, I really don't miss them too much, now that my life is filled with busyness at work again. I go again a week from Tuesday. She's helped me clarify what my goals are and that they don't need to follow the typical GID patterns.

More peace within myself? Yes, I think I'm dealing with this with a much more level head than I had 3 months ago.

My wife? She has been absolutely amazing through all of this. I am very very lucky to have her walking this road with me.

Yes Wendy, I am well. I hope you are the same. I feel like I've lost touch with you.  I guess I haven't been posting or reading as much as I used to at Susan's Place.

And thanks for your concern. You always make me feel like you care about me. That's nice.    YOU are nice!!!


Rhonda,

I am so glad you found a therapist that pleases you. I wish we could all be so fortunate. While I appreciate my therapist I was hoping for a little more... something. I'm not sure what it is. There is a certain amount of distance between us that may be necessary to maintain the professional boundaries but still -- I wish it wasn't there.

Debbie

[rhonda13000]

Rhonda,

I am so glad you found a therapist that pleases you. I wish we could all be so fortunate. While I appreciate my therapist I was hoping for a little more... something. I'm not sure what it is. There is a certain amount of distance between us that may be necessary to maintain the professional boundaries but still -- I wish it wasn't there.

Debbie

More like 'blessed', hon, but I sustained substantial emotional damage with the previous therapist.

Sometimes 'trial and error' can be fatal.

[Nero]

Not being insulted the entire session. A frivolous hope.

[rhonda13000]

Not being insulted the entire session. A frivolous hope.

You've got to be kidding me, my brother.

[debbiej]

I don't like to be negative but...

I have therapist friend who, of course, knows a lot of other therapists through her work. She says some of these people have some serious issues of their own and don't always keep those issues to from affecting their work with their clients.

On the positive side, I know that there are many therapists who have entered the profession with every good intension of helping others and are doing just that. I was fortunate to have my friend who helped my wife and I find a good one for our marriage counseling who was also on my insurance company's list of "acceptable" therapists. I think I was fortunate again and found a good GID therapist the first time. I was very frustrated, though, that it had to be off of a list that my insurance company mandated. Other Transfolk in my area recommended someone else that may have been better and more experienced but that was not an option because they weren't on "the list". 

You're absolutely right Rhonda, after you finally find a good therapist you might have to deal with the harm caused by your first, second and third therapist. I hope, in general, that the odds are in your favor and that there are more good therapists than bad and most folks will find a good one early in their search.

Nero,

I'm glad you were able to see your therapist for the JERK that he/she was. I fear for those who might not recognize a dysfunctional relationship and not get out before the damage has been done.

Love to you all

Debbie

[Nero]

Not being insulted the entire session. A frivolous hope.

You've got to be kidding me, my brother.

*sigh* nope. no joke. my hair is too feminine, I should become a gym bunny and get all muscley, etc.
apparently, I don't fit her perception of a 'man'.

[Shana A]

*sigh* nope. no joke. my hair is too feminine, I should become a gym bunny and get all muscley, etc.
apparently, I don't fit her perception of a 'man'.

Grrrr It's hearing things like this that reinforce my disagreement with current system requiring these gatekeepers for changing gender. There are many ways to express our genders, inclusive of butch M2F of femme FTM...

zythyra

[rhonda13000]

Not being insulted the entire session. A frivolous hope.

You've got to be kidding me, my brother.

*sigh* nope. no joke. my hair is too feminine, I should become a gym bunny and get all muscley, etc.
apparently, I don't fit her perception of a 'man'.

And since when was her mere subjective perception of how that she defines masculinity, germane to the management of your TS?

It's immaterial, my brother. You are dealing with TS and that is only what is relevant here.

Given my anger issues and 'core beliefs', I would not react well at all, to such.

Not at all.

[MaggieB]

My first time with a therapist was a marriage counselor. She suggested I meet with a sex therapist. my wife was going to meet with the marriage counselor for help in dealing with my TG issues. OK she referred to as my crossdressing. The marriage counselor said she had no experience with crossdressing but agreed to research it and meet with my wife. We have financial problems so she offered a token payment so my wife could get help. So it comes time for the first meeting and my wife gets stood up. She waits for an entire hour in the waiting room and the counselor doesn't show. The excuse, "I didn't write it down, so I forgot" . That ended that help.
SO I go to the local TG therapist, the sex therapist. He runs a monthly TS group meeting. There is a free 50 minute intake session required. Great. I go to the meeting. I opened up and told him what I am and asked for permission to join the group. He agreed that I am TS and would write a letter for HRT after the group. I should say that I have been DIY HRT for 5 years. I wanted to have my HRT be according to the SOC. I managed so far because I went to graduate school in Biochemistry at a medical school. He agreed and said I was well grounded enough for the letter after one group meeting. The letter would cost $25.  I go to the meeting and it was wonderful. He pitched his new book for sale there. It was on reviving a dead sex life. I had no interest so I didn't buy it. After the meeting which went very well and I felt right at home, he asks me if I want a one on one session. That would cost $125. But we had agreed that all I needed was gatekeeper services. I said I would have to think it over as he knew I was severely restricted in my ability to pay.
Well, I tried to contact him twice since then about the letter and he won't respond. It seems that I have have been dumped. I can't go back to group now under these circumstances. I am very sad that once again, a therapist let me down. There is no other therapist within practical driving distance. I have no other options now. And lets get this straight, I do not recommend DIY HRT to anyone. My case is very unique and I'm only making it by the grace of God.

[debbiej]

No psychiatrist or psychologist has ever provided me with any therapy, they are usually a brick wall between patient and treatment. The London NHS psychiatrists we get in the U.K try 'bully boy' tac tics and try and trip us up over something....usually anything to use as an excuse to not provide help for us....

Berliegh,

I'm am truly sorry for your disappointments in the HHS and in the Psychiatrists and Psychologists in your country. You should be commended for your tenacity in trying to make the system work for you even though you've been frustrated at every turn.

As an outsider looking in I do want to make a comment and I hope you don't take offense:

You talk about the brick wall between patient and treatment. I'm sure you are speaking figuratively. I worry though that - because you have grown accustomed to seeing that brick wall that you have placed a few bricks there yourself.  I'm sure they started building it on there side of the wall first and, in your own self defense you started placing bricks on your side too.

I am worried that there may be one good doctor left in the NHS that has been taking bricks down on her/his side of the wall and that you won't be able to see them because of the bricks you've been placing in your own wall.


Maggie,

The grace of God is powerful. Your frustrations and your continuing journey despite the frustrations is a testimony to that power.

The excuse, "I didn't write it down, so I forgot"

Not to make lite of your situation but I've said those words before. Its not a good excuse but as I was telling someone this morning "I have a mind like a cheap sieve. Many times thoughts just seep right through but occasionally the holes get clogged and I actually remember things with out writing them down first (putting them on my calendar) or making sure I take care of them right away.

God's grace is powerful and so is forgiveness. The marriage counselor, while not the best person for your TG, at least she was willing to go the extra mile and do the research. She still might be willing if you can get past the frustration of her not remembering to write down that first appointment.

Debbie

[Wendy]

...I have a mind like a cheap sieve. Many times thoughts just seep right through but occasionally the holes get clogged and I actually remember things with out writing them down first...

Debbie that is funny.
.............

I notice friends disappear on this forum and their status turns to "Guest".  I know everything is secretive but I wonder if they are O.K.

..................
I hope you are fine!