Honest writing opinion?

[FilaFord]

This is an excerpt from my most recent journal entry in a private document that I have been writing.  My parents think that I should publish a memoir or start a YouTube channel, but they are also my parents... so I want some honest opinions. 

Is my writing anything special?  I always got good grades in my English courses, but I just assumed it was because I knew how to abide by the MLA guidelines... *shrug*

You be the decide.

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July 4th, 2014
So today at my parents house, I was feeling a little bummed out and everyone knew about it.  When I left, there were some text messages exchanged between my father and mother and me and it seemed to me like there was a lack of understanding on everything. 

Let me back up.  I was in guy-mode, presenting as Samuel, their son, and all they had ever known.  I was trying to play the part but I wasn't feeling it, and although actual sickness had taken me for the better part of a week, I was feeling sick because I was putting on the charade that they had all become accustomed to. This wasn't me anymore, and they knew it, and I knew it.  It felt fake to me, so it surely felt fake to them.  With this inherent knowledge I vacated the premises so that I could go home and put on my wig and makeup, change into something more comfortable, and be free to be myself because surely no one would accept me for this horrid creature I had become.

Well, I guess the text messages were a bit too uncomfortable for my mother, so she told my dad that she was going to come over to my abode, and he decided to accompany her.   I had just finished my make-up and began to work on trimming my fingernails when I heard a knock on the door and a few subsequent doorbell rings.  Holy ->-bleeped-<-!  I peeked out the window.  Gold Mercury Grand-whatever-the-hell-its-called. My parents were standing outside of my house and I was dressed as a girl, in full make-up, pajamas, and wig.  I had never actually met anyone in my new form so this was a first!  Luckily it was my parents who have never described a single word of resentment towards me after hearing the big news. 

It was only a few weeks ago when I broke it to them.  We sat in their living room, draped in comfort and tiredness after a day of swimming and eating deliciously prepared food – a typical weekend vacation at casa de la Morrison.  Everything was delicious and everyone was in good spirits... except for me.

I stood behind the door as I unlocked it and then proceeded to open it while standing out of sight from anyone with eyes.  They entered the doorway and peered behind to see me and there was a brief silence before my mother became the first to speak....

[Aphaea]

The narrative flowed well and thoroughly enjoyed reading it.  And not just saying that to be nice!  You definitely do have talent.

[lemon_ice]

It's very good Hurry up and put the next bit up though, I want to find out what happens!! :p

[Suziack]

This is very good - don't stop!

[Jess42]

My God I aced Lit and Comp in high school and was in the way less than smart classes in math. I sucked in Civics too but never got anything less than A's in English classes, even though it may not seem like it now. Go figure.

The only thing that I see is you are writing like we do on the forum. It has been a while but usually paragraphs haven't gotten a space between them and the tab before starting the new paragraph is, I think, something like three to five character spaces. I could be wrong though.

But that depends on computer and or writing on paper or printing the story though your printer or publishing in a magazine and or writing a book.

Please don't leave us hangin and wondering.

[stephaniec]

hurry, I hate cliff hangers

[mandonlym]

For a general audience I don't think it's enough for you to be trans, since there's a lot of trans stuff coming out these days. Everything is well-written and flows well, but I don't sense the specificity of your background in your voice, which I feel like needs to be embedded in the narrative. Where do you come from? How old are you? What's your social class? I feel like that needs to come through in your choice of words and their rhythm. The best trans writers have that. I'm reading Imogen Binnie's Nevada right now and she's a great example of someone who has a strong and specific voice. Just reading a paragraph of hers, you have a sense of a specific time and place she's coming from even if you know nothing about her story. That's the kind of thing that will serve you well when you make your words public.