Really sad and thinking of suicide :/

[taylorhbic]

Ive been living with my dad for six months and cant find a job. No one is really hiring in this area some wont even give me applications. He said if i don have a job by 19 i have to join the army even though i have a ged and dont think thats possible. Thats not even a career i wanna do i wanna be an rn. Joining would make me even more depressed, he thinks my anxiety is making people not give me jobs and my soft voice. I also hear voices which doesnt help and idk what to do. But i am happy that a clinic in houston will do hrt therapy after one visit but i dont have the money yet.

[mrs izzy]

Even if you where not having these feelings the job market is hit or miss.

Its even harder with out experience, but you need a job to gain that experience.

Have you check with the job banks in your area along with your local public assistance department?

The assistance department can help you with getting insurance that can help you get some therapy to help you deal with your feelings.

They also have work programs and training to help gain experience.

So everyone out of school has to deal with all these things in life and we have the extra of the gender feelings.

Ending life is never the answer. Never the answer. Seek out someone there to talk when it gets to much to handle. Always the help lines also.

Hang in, keep looking for the help in your area and things seem to happen when we least expect.

Hugs
Isabell

[Valleyrie]

Hey Taylor, do you currently see any counsellors? I think that would be great for you. You don't need to join the army if you don't want to, it's your life. Unless your anxiety is clearly disabling you from landing a job then I don't see why people wouldn't hire you. Please try stay positive. Do something that makes you feel nice, or get some fresh air to clear your mind. I know looking up at the clouds helps me though I rarely do it. I know suicide is tempting when you just want all the pain to go away, but please keep searching for a job or join a trans/gender diverse support group. Save up some money and make a plan for your future so you can start HRT, think of how happy you'll be then and how much the struggle now will be worth it. I'm sure you can do it, just try build the right mindset to put you in a better position.

If you are feeling like you can't keep yourself safe please call a suicide hotline, I'm not sure where you live so I can't give you any numbers but I'm sure a quick Google search will yield some good info. I've never called one as I hate talking over the phone but from what I've heard they can be very helpful.

[janetcgtv]

Taylor:

Please see someone immediately to help you with your situation. Remember suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. When it looks darkest there is always a light at the end of a tunnel.

[Jessica Merriman]

But i am happy that a clinic in houston will do hrt therapy after one visit but i dont have the money yet.

Taylor, you need to forget about this right now. You are not ready yet and transition can be very expensive. Your first step should be to find a Therapist with gender experience. HRT is tough enough when one is stable and prepared as I found out. You need to be in Therapy, secure a job and focus on today, not tomorrow. Once you are more emotionally, financially  and mentally stable then by all means go for HRT. To do it in your current state of mind would be in my opinion disastrous. Starting and stopping hormones because of financial problems will really mess your system up and make all the pre existing conditions a thousand times worse. I say this out of caring and concern for your overall health, nothing else. I really think you should do what has been suggested already and call a suicide hotline. They may be able to give you information on resources for a Therapist. Please do this first! 

[Ms Grace]

I agree 100% with Jessica - also, if you are hearing voices it would be wise to get help from a mental health specialist as quickly as possible.

[Felix]

I agree you should find a therapist as soon as possible. You need that for your gender issues, your family situation, and for help with figuring out how to live with hearing voices and whatever underlying mental health stuff you might have.

My non-expert opinion is that transition and dysphoria are probably less urgent problems than family dysfunction and ultimatums. You need to guard your personal safety and your ability to stay housed. That might mean postponing issues of identity or comfort.

You really need to not die. I don't have any magic words about that but I hope you can at least humor the rest of us when we emphasize the importance of resisting the urge to commit suicide.

The thing about hearing voices is probably the most minor problem you face, but the stigma around it could be dangerously isolating. A lot of highly-functioning people hear voices, and a lot of people who do aren't open about it. I've had to learn about it after getting to know multiple people who do. They seem to be all over the map as far as their career success and apparent happiness goes.

Susans is great for talking to trans people. Hearing Voices Network seems to be well-regarded for what it does. I would urge you to call a suicide hotline if you feel like you are on the edge of that. You can google to find a local one or one from whatever place feels most familiar.

http://www.hearing-voices.org/

[echo_artist]

That's alot on you shoulders, I guess what I would do if I were in your shoes, is to fail the test on purpose.
You have to take a written test for them to consider you. So if the worse case, you'll be a chef.
But just take a step back. And don't let the anxiety overwhelm you. I know that's a hard thing to say,
but the slower you take things, the easier things will progress in life. You're in a rough patch, you'll make it through
I'm here if you someone to rant to .