Yesterday ended a frenzied two week period of me working on my presentation. My wife has been gone, and in her absence, my need to step out of the house and engage social interactions was put on hold. I only left the house 3 times during that time, and one of those was as a woman in public for the first time. From the beginning I have had a plan about how I would transition. This was largely set up to avoid discovery by work colleague until I go full time. I divided my plan into stages. The first stage involved starting HRT and losing 50 pounds, while working on developing the basis of a female presentation. Over the last two weeks I have dressed about 10 times, and often stayed that way for 10 to 12 hours at a time. I experimented with my makeup and painted my nails for the first time. I worked on my voice. I filmed and took pictures of everything and I studied the results. These sessions often ran to 2 to 3am. I also drank a little more than I usually do during time as well. When I examined the videos, I was actually surprised to discover that with a drink or two, I actually presented more feminine. I had always thought that my path to a feminine presentation involved being in control, but it is very much the opposite. The control comes from the male facade, and with the inhibitions lifted from a little bit alcohol, the feminine inner person emerges even easier. The last part of this frenzied period coincided with some heavy duties at work, so I was burning the candle at both ends. I went 3 or 4 days in a row with very little sleep, but I have never been happier in my whole life. I was seeing April growing each day. Last night, when I looked at my latest pictures, I thought I looked like crap. The frenzied activity had taken its toll. I also noticed how my radical weight loss has had the unintended side effect of taking all the fat out my face, which is probably making me look older. But then I compared those pictures to some taken in the not too distant past, and I was stunned to see how far I had gone in a short time. I am within 5 pounds of my original goal of losing 50. Along the way, I have actually acquired the beginnings of a female figure. And not only do I have the basis of a female presentation, I think I actually have a little bit of a style. I have gotten to that place in only about 5 months, many months earlier than I thought it would take. So I am proclaiming Stage l completed. In Stage ll, I am going to ease up on my caloric restrictions (a little) in order to put some curves back on my emaciated body. I am going to put my house in order for going full time. I am going to do some things that are not necessarily about feminization but will make me feel better about myself, such as getting my terrible lower teeth fixed. Over the next few months I probably won't have the opportunities to dress as much, because I will have a steady stream of house guests. But that is ok, because I know now I can do this. Onto Stage ll.
A very tired, but very happy girl!
