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[Annabella]

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[MugwortPsychonaut]

Maybe you could try being more assertive about it?

"I'm trans. I have to do this for me."

I'm lucky that all of my girlfriends have been supportive. If she's stubborn about it, if she points the finger at you while needing consolation for not hooking up with someone who isn't you, then maybe this relationship is not meant to be.

[antonia]

Hmm I think it sounds like she's got some things to work out but based on how you describe your relationship I don't think she's in any situation to dictate any terms.

One thing you can tell her is that perhaps if you got to present the way you feel you would be much more social, I certainly have been way more social since I came out, I've made more friends in the last couple of months than I had made in my entire life before!

[Annabella]

Hmm I think it sounds like she's got some things to work out but based on how you describe your relationship I don't think she's in any situation to dictate any terms.

One thing you can tell her is that perhaps if you got to present the way you feel you would be much more social, I certainly have been way more social since I came out, I've made more friends in the last couple of months than I had made in my entire life before!

I did mention that during the earlier conversation, and it seemed to have no effect.
The whole mess concluded just about an hour ago with her giving me a pages long rant via Facebook, which ended in "do not reply to this at length, I've been through too much today".
I took advantage of the opportunity to not remain in her little tempest and try to relax the rest of the evening.
She crossed so many lines I don't know where to begin.
It is seriously making me feel like bottling up all my dysphoria again, but I think that would just slowly destroy me from the inside, and I am not sure I could now that I am aware of it.

HA Oh, the best thing, most amusing part, after spending nearly the entire day throwing a whirlwind tantrum because I mentioned presenting as female, she says she doesn't understand why I would want to try to process this on my own instead of with her because she is soooo understanding and I didn't give her a chance.

Maybe that isn't funny, but it's funny to me right now, and I could use a laugh.
Find the smiles where you can I suppose.

[antonia]

Please forgive me if I'm a bit blunt, I'm not being rude but just getting to the point as I see it.

Timeline as I understand:
1. You got married to a girl that did not tell you about any lesbian tendencies, she might not have come to terms with it to herself at the time.
2. Six years into your relationship it changed from a "typical" boy/girl relationship into a friendship and now she is allowed to experiment with other girls.
3. You continue to care for the house and tend to her needs, meanwhile she is away 50% of the time.
4. You come out to her as being trans, she has a fit, she has no interest in a relationship with a trans woman or a guy.
5. She gets really worried that this means you will stop enabling her and plays the guilt game.

She expects you to continue to tend to all her needs while she has explicitly stated that she is not interested in any relationship.

I've been in a very similar situation, I think laughing at it is all we can do before taking action.

Why is her happiness so much more important than yours, you need to do what makes you happy.

[Rachel]

Annabella, It sounds like she is conflicted and having a difficult time adjusting to the change. It sounds like she is lashing out with whatever comes into her mind. Perhaps she would benefit with some therapy and future expectation on what you want and what she wants in a relationship.

I gave my wife my wants and she gave me a little room but not the room I need. I know the future will be rocky but I know that going forward. We discussed it and I know. Perhaps when I go slow she will get use to it.

Good luck and hugs.