questioning my gender I don't know up from down help pleeease

[soconfused12]

I'm just going to get right into it, I'm really confused and I'm starting to panic. I'm 24 now and up until the age of 15 I identified as a bisexual female and everything is sunny and great. But at the age of 15 I suddenly lost all ability to feel arousal towards the female body. Even in a heterosexual sense. The only thing that makes me feel anything anymore is the thought of two men together. I'm just so confused as to whether it's internalized misogyny I'm feeling, am I asexual? I keep trying to deny it and find some way to feel like I did when I was 15 again and I loved the body when I was in and I wasn't confused about anything. I don't want to think this is my fate and I'm going to have to pay thousands of dollars to have a healthy love life. I guess I should lay it all on the table, when I 15 I watched my first porn video?? And that was around when the problem started. I think maybe the shock of sex not being what I had always thought it would be affected me? Or??

I know this is a mess, but it's been 9 years and I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.

[helen2010]

soconfused

Take a deep breath.  There is no need to panic.  It feels over whelming but you will find your way. Plenty of information and friends here who can help support you as you find your way.  Finding a good gender therapist is essential as they will help you make sense of what you are thinking and feeling.  Small, positive steps will take you where you need to be.  Its great to have you join Susans. 

More friends will be along shortly.


Safe travels

Aisla

[padawanloser]

Hey there 

Just wanted to pop in and say that I've been through a similar experience as you. From 13-16 I identified as a lesbian, but then started questioning my sexuality and gender. I know how it feels to want to be a part of a homosexual male encounter/relationship while being in a female body. There's a lot of doubt and questioning involved, but I've found that patience and real soul-searching really are the trick to understanding your gender. AND not to mention networking within the community and utilizing resources like this site! Welcome! Hope you find some answers here