I feel like i'm on a very slippery slope

[Aerynsun]

It was only at the start of this year that i learned about hrt and that transitioning was possible (I just accepted that I was a guy despite the fact that that I never felt that way and kept dysphoria under control by playing a female character every chance I got in video games) and since then i've found it harder to keep my dysphoria under control but every little thing I've done towards transitioning has eased my dysphoria considerably, from shaving my facial hair to buying my first necklace and i can't imagine stopping or going back. I just feel as if i'm on a sled going out of control down a mountain and I'm terrified of where I'll end up as i've never wanted anything more than to transition and stop acting like a guy, more so because of the 13 month waiting list to get an appointment at a GIC where I am means it will likely be another 2 years before I can go on hrt by which time i'll be over 25 and almost done with uni.
Sorry for the long rambling post, its almost 1am and i'm just feeling rather helpless and afraid right now.

[Hikari]

I can relate, once I started, I realized very quickly I could never go back. It is only natural to be fearful, but the best advice I can give you is just try and be yourself, don't push yourself or hold yourself back, just proceed at the pace that feels right.

[Jessica Merriman]

It is a slippery slope. I dressed for one Therapy appointment and was so comfortable I went full time the same day. I started at 47 so 25 is nothing. Once you start though it is like eating one potato chip, you want the whole bag then!

[Kaylee Angelia]

If there's any advice I can give as someone who is also at the beginning of their journey is this Sweetie; try your best to slow down and breathe, let your focus be on self acceptance and self love as you are "now."

Living our destiny is about risking the unknown, which can be scary, and it feels like that's what you're experiencing. I know because I've experienced as well. Realize that "any" transformation is a process and it's just as important to love and enjoy the journey as it is to reach a perceived final result.

It sounds like you've made your decision to transition and that you're doing what you can to support that decision. Do your best to celebrate this and enjoy it because it's a very important time for you.

Sending you a big hug Hon, It's going to be ok.

[Valleyrie]

Wow hey there, your post reminded me of myself. I can relate quite well to you. I also never knew what transition and all that stuff was until last year I'd say. I've always played female characters in games too and still do for the same reason. I've been waiting for over a year now and still am to begin HRT. Please, try to take your mind off things. Try find a hobby; focus on uni. Your future self will be grateful. I started out by shaving and slowly trying different types of clothing and it helped my dysphoria immensely. Grow your hair out in this time and try new things! Work on your voice (if you need/want to of course), discover who you are. Time has been the biggest help for me, there's so much about yourself that's still waiting to be found. Just be you, don't let anyone tell you what to do or if you're wrong.

No one knows where they'll be in 2 years time and I personally think that's exciting but you can work towards a goal to help get you where you want to be. You're on the path now of self-acceptance. You've come out to yourself which is a great start. Good luck with everything, we're all here to help ease your pain, listen and watch you grow on your journey into a beautiful woman! ^_^

[Aerynsun]

Thanks everyone for the support and advice, I'm feeling a lot better now than I did last night because of your posts. Hugs to all of you.

[Emmaline]

Same story for me- I had a nightmare getting started and due to IVF commitments it took a year from learning what transgender meant to popping my first pill.  Patience is a must, you feel like clawing off your face in frustration- but hrt is just one part of transition and the great thing is you can get started right now with the rest.

All the above is true... laser, voice, wardrobe, fitness, building a support group, educating friends and family, growing out your hair, learning make up (youtube rocks!) and kicking off a skincare regime.   Grab transition books, learn about the history... sooo much you can do.

Be brave- time flies when your busy!  Big hugs, we know what you are going through.

[helen2010]

It is a slippery slope.  It doesn't mean that you have no other option than to set your skis and run directly downhill.  You can stop and admire the view.  You can traverse or wash off a bit of speed with a couple of tight turns.  You can even take off your skis and climb back up the hill!  It is your call.  I like to be in control, others like speed.

Safe travels

Aisla

[JoanneB]

No one knows where they'll be in 2 years time and I personally think that's exciting but you can work towards a goal to help get you where you want to be. You're on the path now of self-acceptance. You've come out to yourself which is a great start. Good luck with everything, we're all here to help ease your pain, listen and watch you grow on your journey into a beautiful woman! ^_^

As a world class worrier I can second this, "No one knows where they'll be in 2 years time..." I can also assure you that there are almost as many ways to cope with being trans as there are trans people.

Six years ago after a very long lifetime of being very well aware of my TS status, a couple of experiments at transitioning, plus a few very needed periods of low dose HRT as a brain reset and getting by as what I call a CD++, I realized I needed to fix how I was not handling being trans. Transitioning was off my radar screen, been there, tried that, not for me.

After six years of learning about myself through a fantastic TG support group and plenty of hard work I have learned the most important thing is to be able to accept yourself as who you are, today. Thanks to this newly acquired self acceptance it is even more difficult now to decide on transitioning or not after the answer seemed so clear just a couple of years ago. Sure, I still would love being born and raised female yet being me isn't nearly as bad as I once thought

[LizMarie]

It is a slippery slope. I dressed for one Therapy appointment and was so comfortable I went full time the same day. I started at 47 so 25 is nothing. Once you start though it is like eating one potato chip, you want the whole bag then!

Alec, I'll take "How is transitioning like a bag of Lays potato chips, for $200!"

[Emmaline]

Heh... more like
"I'll take transitioning for $50,000..."

Sigh... not cheap.

[helen2010]

....I can also assure you that there are almost as many ways to cope with being trans as there are trans people.

Six years ago after a very long lifetime of being very well aware of my TS status, a couple of experiments at transitioning, plus a few very needed periods of low dose HRT as a brain reset and getting by as what I call a CD++, I realized I needed to fix how I was not handling being trans.

After six years of learning about myself through a fantastic TG support group and plenty of hard work I have learned the most important thing is to be able to accept yourself as who you are, today. Thanks to this newly acquired self acceptance it is even more difficult now to decide on transitioning or not after the answer seemed so clear just a couple of years ago. Sure, I still would love being born and raised female yet being me isn't nearly as bad as I once thought

Joanne

I have been having similar revelations.  There is much to celebrate, cherish and to learn to express in being trans*.  I am more accepting and likely to honour myself and my potential rather than to reject and seek to ignore or to excise much of who I am.

Still don 't really know where I am headed or how it will play out but I see language as important and will always take the most positive and empowering view accessible to me.

Aisla

[Ms Grace]

...because of the 13 month waiting list to get an appointment at a GIC where I am...

That is quite an excessive wait! I presume it is a free service? There are other avenues open to you which might progress you quicker - seeing a private practice counsellor, for example. Yes it costs but at least you're not holding on for over a year in distress. All the best!