Passed but happiness ruined by someone?

[makipu]

I am interested to know if any of you guys had an experience where you got gendered correctly as male by someone but at that moment someone (whoever was with you like a family member or friend, etc...) ruined that slight moment of joy?

[CursedFireDean]

Disney world with my cousin
A lady kept calling me young man
My cousin said "uh no she's a girl"
And the lady was insanely apologetic. I kept telling her no it's fine you're fine I'm not upset with you
But she thought I'd be offended. Totally ruined the joy of passing.

[Maleth]

Yeah, I went to the local salon to pick up my house keys from my mother since she was having an appointment and I just got back from shopping.. I walk in and the nice lady that was working on her seemed to be initially unsure but referenced to me as sir and then my mother made a scene about how boyish I dress and about my haircut. It was very frustrating and my dysphoria was at a high that day. I usually pass in my hometown 80% of the time, but being with family ruins it.

Another time (that wasn't necessarily ruined) was when I was at starbucks and was with friends so I had to use my birthname when they asked for it otherwise my friends would give me weird looks. The cashier woman might've misheard me or something but she asked if I said, "____", which was a male version of my birthname. Due to social pressure I had to say no and one of my friends heard her call me that. The cashier lady seemed really embarrassed and I had to act embarrassed as well but on the inside I wasn't. In the end everyone just laughed it off so it wasn't that bad and I still secretly liked the fact that I passed that day even with my higher-than-usual voice due to being with friends.

[Kiwi]

My parents always ruin everytime I pass, when I must go out with them I always pray that they dont talk to me and about me.
Even if I'm apparently boyish they deny the evidence.

Here we don't have only birth name and pronouns to misgender us, in italian language (more or less like spanish) we also have gendered verbs and adjectives so it's a pain.

[Tossu-sama]

Couple years ago on Christmas when I went to pick up my stepdad's father with my mom and stepdad... I was pre-everything and I was kinda sure the old man had already forgotten anything he was told about me before (he's alcoholic) so I was feeling pretty hopeful when he mixed me with my stepbrothers so I, of course, thought my mom would correct him the way I expected... but she didn't. "That's my daughter, <insert old name>". Yeah, way to go, mom. Merry ->-bleeped-<-ing Christmas to me.

[Ryan55]

yeah when I'm out with my mom and she loves to call me by my legal name and feminine pronouns, people give a confused look, and i just think this sucks

[Declan.]

Yes, once; at a restaurant with a family member when I was already passing 100% for a cisgender man. For the sake of not betraying which one it was, I'll leave out my relationship to them. The server came to our table and asked me what I would like, and called me "sir." My <family member>, who was not supportive and likely never will be, corrected her, and she looked confused. Discreetly but deliberately loud enough for my <family member> to hear, I said: "Please forgive my <family member> - she wanted a <daughter/niece/aunt/etc.> and has always been disappointed by me." I'm not sure if the server bought it, but my <family member> was terribly embarrassed. It never happened again.

[ThatCatGuy]

Yeah, I've had this happen a few times at work and one time by my mom. My mom just was not thinking when she said it, and apologized to me later on. At work, it just took people a bit to get used to the name change and the pronoun switch. So, there were (and still are) some occasional mix-ups. It's so annoying when it happens though,

[makipu]

Thank you for your replies^_^ It's interesting to read these things. I actually never share anything personal but I guess for the first time I will because even now my most recent experience echoes in my mind disturbingly so I will make it very short yet giving the details:

I was with my mom looking at something we needed to purchase at a store.

There was a family of four near us and came next to us looking at the same product.  Unbeknownst to me, the man knew my mother from her work and said hi to her. She did the same with a smile because she didn't notice him. Since he saw me with her, he asked "is this your son?"

At that very moment her face clearly transformed and considerably diminished into total sadness as if he said something so 'awful' about me.  Basically she couldn't even say anything so the family left the place.

I just made a comment saying "of course you can't say a simple 'yes' can you?"  and "Why are you even sad?" She rapidly kept repeating "Why should I be happy about that?!"

I said: " I didn't even open my mouth so obviously it's not my voice."

She said:  "People will think ANYONE could be thought as one if they look and dress like that

(Now ironically, the way I dress happened to be all purchased from the 'womens' section -except boxers-  And regarding my "looks"- I don't even have a typical extra short hair like most men do bur rather androgynous)

Her ignorance sickens me to the utmost disgust.

[Suziack]

I've fortunately not encountered any similar experience, but I can imagine how terribly awful it must make a person feel. I don't know if it has a bearing on this, or not, and I don't mean to excuse it, but parents can have feelings about their children that are very specific to the child's gender, and they often treat those they originally thought to be 'girls wildly different from those they thought to be 'boys.' They will let 'their' boys get away with anything, but not 'their' girls.

[zero.cool.crash.override]

Declan.: damn, that's badass.  Slick move.  I like it.

Yeah, it's usually my mom who corrects people.  She did that all through childhood.  People addressed me as male, then she corrected them, and then everyone was uncomfortable.  Happened more times than I can count.  I would have almost (almost) preferred if they would have addressed me as female rather than the whole awkward situation when she would correct them and they would be embarrassed.   

[Kreuzfidel]

Used to happen to me all the time when I was young.  My mother would correct people telling her she had "such a lovely son" - my homeroom teachers correcting other teachers - my cousin outing me in front of a bunch of other boys when I was shirtless...

[Xenguy]

Too many times after I came out. I was at a doctor's appointment, doctor said "He looks wonderful" Mom immediately goes on to say "Yeah, SHE's really healthy. Another time, was at a restaurant which my mom is friends with the owner. I introduced myself as [male name] and said "I'm her SON." Halfway through the convo, my mom kept saying "Yeah my DAUGHTER, really likes it, SHE likes that kind of food." I almost just got up and left. Another time was with my friend, we here playing games with one of her friends and she corrected him, saying "she" when he said "he" I don't think they do it on purpose, they just mess up and don't bother correcting themselves. My mom at least is catching up, slowly but surely.

[FTMDiaries]

Yup, this has happened to me many times. I'm sure it's happened to most of us at one time or another.

When I was little I much preferred playing with boys (I still do, LOL) but as I discovered to my dismay, boys come under an enormous amount of social pressure to shun anything girly - especially girls. So I would befriend boys, have a good time playing with them for a while, and then somebody would say to them 'why are you playing with that girl?' and that would be the end of yet another friendship. Sigh.

So I tried going stealth: I'd walk a couple of blocks further away from where I lived to find groups of boys playing together, introduce myself using a boy's name and I'd ask if I could join in. Or I'd wait until new families moved into the neighbourhood and go introduce myself. Everything would go swimmingly until my brother would come looking for me, yelling my birthname which I'd desperately try to ignore. When he'd eventually catch up with me, my new friends would ask him 'why are you calling him <birthname>?'. My brother would look confused and would always respond 'You do realise that SHE'S my SISTER, don't you?'. Aaand there goes yet another friendship. 

Cheers, bro. Nice one.

[chance]

I hate to be cynical, but... It makes me SO angry. I'll try not to rant. I don't buy it. If someone remembers once to call us the correct name and pronoun I refuse to accept that they can't KEEP doing it. It feels to me like the passive aggressive chickensh&t crap people pull to either punish us or try to humiliate us back into acting like our incorrect gender. People who do this are SO invested in the gender binary they gladly give their own children or family members in sacrifice to the gender binary. If people were truly sorry for misgendering us they would learn after the first few times regardless of how long they've known us. There is nothing difficult about "remembering" our true gender!! All they freakin' have to do is LOOK at us!! THATS how I know the excuses are crap.

Sorry. I guess I've been bitter about this for a long time.

[Chloevixen]

I work alone and own my own small business doing welding repairs to boats.  My clients know me as Chloe and use the correct pronoun even though I appear masculine.  Apparently they know if they want me to work on their boat to use what I prefer not whats obvious.  I love it.  Well about two weeks ago I had a friend from highschool come out looking for work my mom told him what yard I was working in and nothing else.  When he showed up my client was working on the boat with me as a money saving day.  He walked into the yard and promptly started screaming my birth name and old nicknames from high school, this put both me and my client in a awkward spot he thought he was a customer and was trying to tell him that I refuse to work for anyone that uses the wrong pronoun and I am stuck trying to explain why I go by Chloe now.  He told me that he needed a job and I was prepared to give him a chance until he said he will not work for a ->-bleeped-<-!!  I was really upset by that since we have known each other for almost 18 years.

[Sir Real]

Just happened last week. I know I already posted this elsewhere but... "Hello young man, what can I get you?" "Small fries please"  "Sure thing, sir".  *mom waltzes by* "Hello ma'am can I get you anything?" "No, I'm just waiting for her!" "OH I"M SO SORRY YOUNG LADY SO SORRY!" (repeat 100x) *to his assistant* "Here this is for the young lady!" *She stares blankly at me* "Yeah that's me :/" *stares blankly* "Yeah that's her, *whisper whisper*" I finally get my fries "I'm so sorry about that!" "no... seriously it's fine -.-"

[devention]

Having worked in the same place for four years, this happens to me constantly. I know my coworkers don't do it on purpose. Most of them have known me as my birthname for at least two years, at least half of them the whole time I've been there. It's just really frustrating when someone will be like "oh, round boy with the blond hair and glasses was helping me and told me (x)." And they'd be like, "Oh, that's (birthname), SHE's a girl." It happened a lot right after I started binding (and, to be fair, I wasn't out then), but after I came out, they were doing it a lot less.

But this one time, right after The Dark Knight Rises came out on DVD (so we're talking Fall 2012, before I was out to almost anybody), this guy asked me a million times if TDKR was the new Batman movie. I told him yes at least five times before he stopped asking. I may have been slightly annoyed. So anyway, I come back around and the guy says to me, "Hey, you got something to say to me?"
"No, sir, I don't." I'm confused as all get out.
"You were really rude to me. I didn't like that tone you got."
"Sir, I thought you couldn't hear me, as I'd answered your question several times."
He's in a mart cart (one of the motorized ones) and starts down the aisle. "Little ->-bleeped-<-head. If you were a REAL man, you'd come outside and fight me and I'd kick your ass."
"Sir, I don't appreciate being threatened." One of the guys I work with is on the walkie trying to get management out on the floor at this point.
The guy rolls up to me in the mart cart, stands up (towering maybe two inches above me and being in no way threatening), and says, "Well, I felt threatened when you made me feel stupid." and he gets back in the cart and rolls away.
I wasn't binding at that point, just wearing compression shirts. And one of my coworkers says, "But you're a GIRL."
THANK YOU FOR RUINING MY BADASS MOMENT. Ugh.

[chance]

I've been trying to figure out why exactly people feel like I am trying to make them feel stupid because they can't wrap their heads around whether I'm male or female. Some people, not a lot, get so angry and think I'm actively trying to make them look stupid. Anyone have any ideas/explanations about this?  Thanks.

[FTMKyle]

So many people have been confused about my gender from middle school to the time I finally started passing full time as male when I was 22 that I can't pick a specific event where I was gendered correctly only to have that moment stolen by someone else.

There was a time with my grandmother who was very against me dressing and acting as masculine as I did. We were in subway and the girl behind the counter called me sir only to quickly realize her "mistake," and she started vomiting apologies at me. I was used to people calling me sir, and I liked it, but I hated it when they started apologizing afterward. But because my grandmother was with me, I got insanely embarrassed because I knew the lecture I was going to receive.

She looked at me and said, "See what happens when you dress like a boy? People think you're a boy, and you get embarrassed. You need to start dressing like a girl."

Sometimes I still want to tell her that the only reason I was embarrassed was because of her. But we don't have such a great relationship, and something like that would not go over so smoothly.