for the early transitioner how big is the fear of presenting yourself in public

[stephaniec]

If your just beginning your voyage how bad is your fear of being dressed properly and being out in public. I started quite a long time before starting HRT so is no problem at least  getting out. I still have a problem of outing myself in a couple of places where people know me as male, but I'm getting closer to ending the misery. Just wondering what your plans are if any to overcome any anxiety you have about at least putting your foot out the door.

[Dee Marshall]

I'm quite happy to discuss my trans status and out to a good many people in my life, but,as of now, I have no intention of going out dressed at all. Trying to dress female while looking male makes me more dysphoric.

[Serenahikaru]

I don't really care at this point, I just want to be me.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Well ,it used to be big, like really big...
but frankly I dont really care anymore

[stephaniec]

Well ,it used to be big, like really big...
but frankly I dont really care anymore

it's pretty cool once you can break through and just relax

[Annabella]

Having never even presented as female to someone in private (besides you folks!) I have some concerns, but don't really feel "fear" of it, so much as wanting to be fully prepared when I do.

[Umiko]

honestly i never really cared mush. some days i want to flaunt, some days i want to be conservative, it really doesnt matter because i see them once and thats it

[MaidofOrleans]

For a while i was scared ->-bleeped-<-less. I remember sitting in my car for like an hour just to work up the courage to walk across a parking lot lol. You sorta have to get to a point where you just don't care what people think and the only way to do that is jump straight into the fire.

[Eva Marie]

My experience is what Maid said - scared...errrr.... really scared! I kept purposely putting myself into uncomfortable but safe conditions until they were no longer uncomfortable. Jumping straight into the fire worked for me.

[stephaniec]

My experience is what Maid said - scared...errrr.... really scared! I kept purposely putting myself into uncomfortable but safe conditions until they were no longer uncomfortable. Jumping straight into the fire worked for me.

I kind of hit that stage where I had no choice , I had to move forward,  I was scared as hell. Once I was out I just kept going.

[Ducks]

Stephanie, the feeling never seems to go completely away.  In my experience, if you don't feel 100% confident and comfortable in your presentation, it can become paralyzing to do certain things.  For example, even after 25 years, this was the first summer I went down to the beach with the rest of the wives in my bathing suit, without a pair of shorts over it.  It was gut clenching for about 1 minute and when I realized nobody noticed but me, I relaxed and enjoyed our vacation. 

[Northern Jane]

I went through all that WAY back, like the 1960s, when being found out could be dangerous.

Fortunately I had a small circle of TS friends who were much more experienced than I was and who 'held my hand' the first few times. The first time I was scared shyt-less but it got easier quickly as I realized I passed. With each outing I gained more confidence and eventually came to REALLY enjoy  those times out with my girlfriends and look forward to them.

[stephaniec]

I went through all that WAY back, like the 1960s, when being found out could be dangerous.

Fortunately I had a small circle of TS friends who were much more experienced than I was and who 'held my hand' the first few times. The first time I was scared shyt-less but it got easier quickly as I realized I passed. With each outing I gained more confidence and eventually came to REALLY enjoy  those times out with my girlfriends and look forward to them.

sounds great

[Teri Wells]

I'm only 4 1\2 months in but once out at work i dreseed like i wanted.  I don't go overboard.  Shorts (pretty Short)  Everyone loves my legs, a polo and of course my makeuo.  I was supported really well and hey, i sometimes have places to go after work so i just went.  Being uncomfortable by not dressing the way I feel out weighed a lot of my fear.  Of course i was scared but once you do it a couple times  it's like whatever.   And sure you get looks but who cares. I find most Cis women to be most pleasant. Some of it is just how you interact with the public.  Have a good, happy, positive attitude and it rubs off on people.

[Veronica M]

While I am not out full time as yet, I still have a "I don't give a crap what you think attitude" Where I have been out has been safe though. Given I am just starting HRT, I still have the ape in a dress syndrome going, and will be glad when things adjust a little in that department. But frankly, even though I am still a bit nervous at times, I am old enough to not really care what others may think. After all, I am just being who I really am and the cloths I choose to wear does not make up who I am. I will however say the first time I was out in a skirt felt fantastic and I truly felt like myself. That feeling alone was enough to not give a damn what anyone thought.

[xponentialshift]

I've never cared about how others thought I looked before, so I figure why start now. I have been planning on waiting until I start to pass some of the time before presenting in public (mostly because I'd rather not confuse all the people who have trouble addressing non binary genders, and because I haven't bought enough clothes to really go out in public)
In about 2 weeks when I visit family we plan to go shopping for some nice outfits, then I go on vacation into the mountains till mid August. By the time I get back and have clothes I will probably start presenting female in public (at least part time).
The only people I interact with that don't know are my landlord (and housemates), and the folks at chipotle (where I buy food 10 times a week...)
My landlord is Philippino, so hopefully that cultural acceptance is there.

[Valleyrie]

I'm not afraid of being myself and will not hide who I am from others. Granted I do have social anxiety so I do get nervous quite a lot. I really do not care what anyone thinks. I'm not going to conform to some bull crap even if it means putting myself in danger. I go out as me and if someone thinks or says I'm not female then w/e. I could care less about anyone's opinion. I'm not on HRT yet but still present as female. It's definitely not easy and I always get weird looks and have been harassed/assaulted before but it hasn't stopped me. Anyone who bashes on someone for being themselves or being different is pathetic and worthless in my eyes. I'd rather be myself and be a loner than try and fit in to society's norms.

[Sammy]

I dont feel I am ready to present as "explicitly" female in public, so I dont. By "explicitly" I mean make-up + typical female clothes and accessories.
Instead, I present as myself and let the people decide whom they are dealing with. I wear what I want and what looks good - and dont really care what they think of me. Funny, but I have not yet figured out why the same "dont-care attitude" refuses to apply towards fully female presentation.

[Carrie Liz]

Like others, I was scared s***less the first time I went out dressed in public.

But basically, it reached the point where I couldn't hold it in anymore. I'd been dressing at home for a while, and was legitimately starting to see a girl in the mirror for the first time about 2 months into HRT, and it reached the point where my mind basically decided for me that it was time to go out. I obsessed over it, thought about doing it, and then every single night that passed without me doing it, it just drove me further and further up the wall, because I was obsessing over how I hadn't done it yet, and how I should.

So finally, that's what got me over the fear. I took video after video of myself to make sure I looked all right from all angles. Then after finally leaving the house I still sat in my car for over an hour, nearly talking myself out of it at least 3 or 4 times, before I finally realized, I was going to hate myself if I didn't do it. So I had to do it. Even if I didn't pass, I had to do it just so that I could quit with the self-hatred and self-criticism and obsession over it and feel proud of myself for being brave for a change.


It took months and months after that before I came even remotely close to being used to it. I only got the courage to go out maybe once a month. It got easier after I started going to a local trans support group and friends basically started forcing me to go out more. But even then, I never got used to "going out dressed." Over time, I slowly androgynized my wardrobe more and more, incorporated more and more feminine things into my everyday life, and then finally about 11 months into HRT the "ma'am"s started. And over time they got more and more consistent, until it wasn't even a matter of "going out dressed" anymore, it was just living life. And that's basically all I'm doing now. I'm not going out shopping in "girl mode" anymore, I'm just going shopping. That was when the nerves and the jitters basically completely stopped, when there ceased being a "guy mode" or a "girl mode" anymore, and I basically reached the point where I was a girl whether I wanted to be one or not.

[Cris Zoe]

It was kind like the story of the frog in the pot of water on the stove. The temp gets slowly turned up and it doesn't notice until all of sudden its cooked!

For me I just started slowly, ramping it up. Shaving my legs and nobody noticed. Wearing fem blouses and tops, and nobody noticed. Wearing a bra to make the tops fit better and again nobody noticed (that I know of). But a funny thing happened, I started getting called ma'am more and more. Even though I don't start HRT for another month, I'm consistently gendered as female (except on the phone!). I go shopping all the time, cruise the bargain racks like everybody else, use the ladies dressing room and rest rooms without issues. Of course I dress like most other ladies around here, rarely a skirt, mostly shorts and fem top and sandals and a purse. Its funny, when I go to the local TG support group, most of the girls are wearing dresses and then there's me, shorts and a nice top. But hey, I like wearing that stuff and I'm comfortable. So I would say, dress to blend in, go out to the mall, and sooner or later, you'll lose the fear.