I was finally given some time alone today. My SO left around 8, it's about 10:30 now. She didn't say when she would be back, so I didn't dare break into the cosmetics (we have a store of film cosmetics). I did find a new wig in our collection of props and shave my face smooth, but putting on the wig without first applying my makeup had a profoundly not good result. With makeup I can see my female self despite my thick male skin and the shape of my skull. Without it the wig just made me feel like I was looking at a man in a wig and that kind of crushed my spirit like dropping a cinder block on a cockroach.
I am trying to lose weight. I have a very girlish figure for my assigned sex (for which I have suffered "insult" often), and would feel so much better if I could see it when I wear my proper clothing, I know that would help to push down these feelings of wanting to scrub the skin off my face and take a belt sander to the bones
, however, there is an entire box of snackwells in the cupboard and milk in the fridge that are suddenly commanding me to devour them.
Resisting as best I can. Hope all of your days are going well.
-Anna
