Had a big day yesterday - the organisation I work for had a consultation with about 25 people from other organisations. I had to co-host a session which had a fairly loose brief with a younger female colleague - L. For me it was a bit scary as this was my first time in front of a room of people as Grace, for L she wasn't too keen on public speaking but we both acquitted ourselves very well with a presentation that had a high level of participation and discussion from the floor.
We had thought we had done well despite not having a clear brief but later, back at the office L & I found ourself amongst three other female colleagues having a whinge about various elements of our presentation. Nothing nasty, just "that's not what we thought was agreed on", "how are we meant to use that information", etc. Even though they weren't attacking us directly I felt very attacked in the moment and became defensive. Very defensive, While I didn't lose my $#!^ I came close to it. And of course regretted it immediately. All I did was say, not yelling but saying it rather forcefully, was that we did what we understood needed to be done and let's just see how things work out in the final mix. I know L joined in, I can't remember what she said but it gave me enough time to regain my composure and apologise for losing my cool. A fourth female colleague said we should all not dwell on it and instead be happy that the day had been a success and leave it at that.
Which we all did. Except...
For the next fifteen minutes or so it was really grating on me that I had lost my composure. Normally I would have been able to ride out that earlier stuff and keep a level head but after a stressful day I guess the whining got to me. I felt angry that I had gotten angry. Gah! I hate getting angry!!! Especially over trivial stuff like that.
Anyway, L asked me if I was OK. As a guy I guess I would have (typically) said I was OK and left it at that. But I felt compelled to say no I wasn't, that I was upset about losing my cool. She was genuinely concerned and asked if I wanted a hug, putting out her arms. I wasn't about to say no - I really did need a hug. And I did feel better for it to. I've only been working with L for a very short time but we've formed a great professional relationship. I think that, were I still presenting in guy mode, we probably would have had a pretty good professional relationship but I really doubt she would have offered me a hug - apart from her having a boyfriend it would have been inappropriate in the workplace. Even so, women really do interact differently with each other than with men and I'm just starting to see the tip of that I think.
Cool!!
Anyway everyone made up, I asked the three colleagues who had been "critical" of us out to drinks with L and I and a couple of other women - and all six of us ended up spending the next three hours gossiping over glasses of wine.
