Lately, as in the last several months, my life had been hectic, drama-filled (87.5 percent my own fault; I did the math), and spiraling out of control. However, some of my drama and emotions have spilled out on this board and I probably pissed off a lot of people. People that didn't deserve a nasty response or to be talked down to in an arrogant way. There's just so much one person can take and I feel so alone most of the time. But this doesn't excuse some of my responses or the arrogant, I know it all, way that I have been acting. And I wanted to offer a general apology to the whole community. I feel like a lot of people probably don't want to respond to a post of mine, cause of the drama that may follow. That's
understandable.At least, that's how I'd be.
I just kind of had an awakening after another drama filled night after I got hammered on cranberries and vodka. And so I awoke and had this awakening. And so I hope if I offended anyone, talked down to anyone, replied in a snide, childish manner, that you can accept my apologies and forgive me. It's okay if you don't. I was going to post an apology a month ago, but I just kind of didn't and went back to being a b!tch. It needs to change. In the next month or so, I will be in therapy, which I have to go to for multiple reasons, like SRS but also because transition isn't a game and there is a lot that gos into it and going from one presentation to the next, has been taxing to say the least and I have no support system. I have my BF but he hates HRT talk, or trans/intersex talk at all, though not always and he must look it up and in a hardcore way, because he knew a lot about the differences of MTFs and FTM HRT therapy and how we respond to it. I was flabbergasted. But lately he told me not to talk about it and refers to my junk as my cooch. I think the relationship is on thin ice and that's another reason I have been so b!tchy. He's all I have and when he goes, I will literally have no one.
But luckily I start therapy soon, like i desperately need because I need an attitude adjustment and that's because being treated as a woman by everyone, even when presenting male-ish, has been great but so different and I just don't know how to react sometimes,what to say, and sometimes I just either say nothing or become very arrogant. I'm actually a really nice person who is incredibly sweet. I have been told that my whole life. But lately, I feel like that isn't true. I know you can't help but change when you transition, but the one thing I don't want to lose, the one thing that has helped me my whole life, is my ENFJ personality and m enthusiasm and sweetness.
So, I just hope if I have offended you , or if you're just like, oh no, not a post from that total b!tch Joanna Dark, that you/we can move on now that I am actively trying to being a sweet, lovable little woman again. Not a feminazi b!tch. That's not who I am. And the dram ends today. So, sorry.
Joanna Dark
