ok, so i told her

[Vanessa]

I think it's good that you told her.  I really didn't tell my wife, she started suggesting stuff to do in the bedroom and i told her that i could do more then what she wanted... not a very direct method.  I don't know what I would have told my wife if I had tried to tell her at all.

~Vanessa

Posted on: August 01, 2007, 01:07:59 PMI think it's good that you told her.  I really didn't tell my wife, she started suggesting stuff to do in the bedroom and i told her that i could do more then what she wanted... not a very direct method.  I don't know what I would have told my wife if I had tried to tell her at all.

~Vanessa

[Wendy]

Ashley, I have heard that third of those who transition are lesbian, third are heterosexual and third become asexual. I don't know if that is true or not, but there seems to be some validity about it, just by looking at some of the post op here on susan. You are going to change physically and mentally, once you start on hormones. For us who have wanted this all our lives we are very happy with the change, but for those who are used to who we once were, they may not like it. I have been married for 38 years and my relationship has changed quite a bit. We are still married and love each other as very close friends but the intimacy is gone. She is not lesbian and I feel like I am and I'm in an asexual relationship. To me that is better than going out and being alone. Maybe I'm wrong, but that is how I feel. Just take it slow and easy, there will be times you just want to push ahead a lot faster. Keep in touch.
Sheila

Shelia's numbers are fairly accurate.  There is also the possibility of being bi.  We had about a quarter of each category when bi was added.

.............................
   

Bev said, "After transitioning long enough, with or without grs, you will find that your sexual arousal and ultimate orgasm will be nothing like a male orgasm.  Your orgasm will be female, and she will either be comfortable with this, or not."

Bev is this something that can be discussed?  Are you referring to the fact that it takes longer?

[louise000]

She said not one word after our discussion for one week. I really wanted to talk about this stuff with her.  I thought maybe she did not know what TG meant?  Then after one week she blasted me.  Every single time she had an opportunity she blasted me.  In front of the children.  At night.  In the morning.  If she passed me in the hall.  Anytime she could get an opportunity.  She was not interested in anything I had to say about the subject of TG.  She stopped calling me names after three months and she took the children on vacation for two weeks starting last week.  I told her in March.  She has absolutely no interest in talking about it.


I don't mind her being angry at me but it would be nice to talk.  We actually are pretty nice to each other.  We no longer kiss or anything but we are pretty nice to each other.  She is my best friend and I would probably still rank a good friend to her. 

Wendy, As with Asley Michelle's story, almost everything you are experiencing is happening to me too. But I keep saying to myself "I wish I'd never told her" simply because of the hurt I've caused her and the damage it's doing to our relationship. I'm sure there must be many others in our situation.
I hope you will find a way to resolve things.
Best wishes, Louise

[Ms Bev]

Bev said, "After transitioning long enough, with or without grs, you will find that your sexual arousal and ultimate orgasm will be nothing like a male orgasm.  Your orgasm will be female, and she will either be comfortable with this, or not."

Bev is this something that can be discussed?  Are you referring to the fact that it takes longer?

No....it's not that it takes longer.  It is just totally different.  However, this subject is probably better suited to the 'sexuality' forum.  Let me know if you take it there?

Bev

[Seshatneferw]

But I keep saying to myself "I wish I'd never told her" simply because of the hurt I've caused her and the damage it's doing to our relationship.

But would that alternative really have been any better, long term? The way I see it, two things are required for the silence option to work. First, you must keep in the closet indefinitely -- that is, live as you are, do not transition, be sure not to get caught. Second, you must also be able to not feel any significant guilt over living in that kind of a lie. If neither of these is not possible, you will eventually get to the point where the relationship has a major crisis over it anyway, and that crisis is likely to be even worse than what you experienced.

Oh, one more thing. You really shouldn't feel guilt over being TG, any more than over discovering a purely physical birth defect. How much, and how soon, would you tell your wife about that kind of an issue?

Hope it all works out,

  Nfr

[Kate]

Wendy, As with Asley Michelle's story, almost everything you are experiencing is happening to me too. But I keep saying to myself "I wish I'd never told her" simply because of the hurt I've caused her and the damage it's doing to our relationship...

I understand those feelings all too well, BUT...

I think a spouse deserves to know. She or he needs to know because:

1) It affects all aspects of a relationship, even if you NEVER tell her/him... it's STILL there, gnawing away at everything. So often a wife will know something is wrong, but not knowing what it is... she ends up blaming herself.

2) It's a "condition" which may develop into a full transition. She needs to have the knowledge to make decisions about her own future.

~Kate~

[Ms Bev]

No....it's not that it takes longer.  It is just totally different.  However, this subject is probably better suited to the 'sexuality' forum.  Let me know if you take it there?

Bev

wait.... is that irrespective or whether you have srs or not?  i'd like to know 
[/quote]

Yes....irrespective


Bev

Posted on: August 03, 2007, 10:32:07 PM

wait.... is that irrespective or whether you have srs or not?  i'd like to know 

yes, irrespective

[SarahFaceDoom]

My wife still loves me but is fuming and angry at me.  I do not think the meds have done much for my physical appearance and that is why I can avoid detection.

Are you sure that is wise?  Your wife is already angry at you and feeling betrayed, and you are doing permanent alterations to your body without telling her?  I mean it's your call, because it's your body, and I wish you nothing but happiness.  But reading that made me think you at least subconsciously actually want a divorce at this point.

It always amazes me though when I read about the hatred that comes from significant others, particularly in a marriage...AND REMINDS ME WHY I NEVER WANT TO GET MARRIED!  Ha.

Hope things get better!

[Vik]

imho, I really think that if its true love then a SO will support and accept you for who you are. I love Vanessa with all my heart, and I can't imagine not being supportive and encouraging. I understand that some SO's feel betrayed because of the deception, but ultimately they decided to care about you, and they should continue to care. I understand that the deception is a big deal for some, but they also need to understand that most people don't come out because they are afraid, and because they don't want to hurt anyone, so they live with the pain all tucked away inside. Maybe your So no longer wants to be intimate because of their orientation, but if they really care then they will still want you to be happy and they will support you, and still be your friend. I am personally proud that I am an open and accepting individual, and that Vanessa felt comfortable enough with me so quickly to be able to come out. It really makes me sad that so many people in the world are close minded.