Mary, Herbals just arn't going to cut it in any significant way, as Leigh said, all it will acomplish is a dent in your wallet. You can do a lot more for yourself by investing in facial electrolysis or Laser if you prefer, and making the true commitments to live as and within the Female environment.
It may seem impossible to you that you could live and identify as female without the benifit of hormones, but it can be done. I spent several years arguing with Doctors about health issues in my case concerning hormones and was declaired medically unfit to use them even though in all other regards I was perfectly physically fit.
I had already been living full time for some years before ever obtaining my hormone script. I know if I could do it, with my overpowering masculine attitudes and physical stature of the time, then surely most others could. I knew I could never actually "fit" at the time, but at least it eased some of the conflict of keeping up the pretense of hiding behind the male image and at present time, I can not imagine how I managed to maintain that image and the pain it cost me for so long. Any more, there is little or nothing my psychiatrist or my psychologist can do about my gender identity issues as they have pretty much relsolved themselves, leaving me only with other issues which grew out of attempting to NOT accept the truth. At present, I am being assigned a third psychiatric professional to specifically help in some of these other issues in an attempt to see me through to the end.
Know this Mary, if you truely do have a complete and total conviction within yourself, the longer you do nothing, or attempt to "kid" yourself with unrealistic measures, you will increaseingly spiral down a dark hole you don't want to enter.
If you can't do therapy to deal with your feelings at the moment, though that should be a top priority right now, then at least do what facial electro or laser you can manage and begin to let your true personality come through in your relationships with people, even if you do not "dress" or take on feminine appearance.
Don't worry about body hair for right now. After the face is done, you may see a need to address body hair, but after real hormones have been in effect for a while, most body hair will at least thin or lighten out, depending on it's texture and density.
Good luck Mary, but if actually Becoming is really important to you, do not waste any time. If you can't start hormones at the moment, then do all the other things which have to also be addressed so that you can feel you are making progress.
I have found that as long as you yourself can see and experience true progress in the direction of your goal, then I feel much more at ease and am more comfortable with myself, knowing that the present condition is temporary, but when I see forward progress being threatened, I enter into a world of doubt and fear of the future. You don't want to even touch that world, so do everything you can and damn the risk or the expense. It means your life in every sense of the word and concept.
Terri
