5 things not to say to a transgender person

[Emmaline]

It's funny- when I used to hang out with gay friends at gay clubs, it bothered me if I wasn't hit on... but when I was I was like 'uhg... you think I am a guy.'  Humans.  So contradictory.

[amber roskamp]

It's funny- when I used to hang out with gay friends at gay clubs, it bothered me if I wasn't hit on... but when I was I was like 'uhg... you think I am a guy.'  Humans.  So contradictory.

Hmmm I get really bothered when I get hit on by gay guys. Im not attracted to guys for the most part though.

[OreSama]

The one thing that irritates me is when someone tells me that I'm not masculine enough to be a guy.  I haven't been asked about surgery yet but I don't really want any surgery.  I don't like the results for ftm bottom surgery, and my chest doesn't bother me enough to get top surgery, so being judged by that would be irritating as hell.  As for being hit on, I just really hate it when anyone besides my girlfriend flirts with me.

[suzifrommd]

From the article:

Finally, your own Jenny Boylan has just published a new novella, I'll Give You Something to Cry About (Shebooks).

I'm obviously the only trans woman on the PLANET who isn't a head-over-heals ga-ga fan of Jennifer Boylan . It irks me that what starts out as an article about etiquette ends up as a shameless book promotion.

[Tysilio]

It irks me that what starts out as an article about etiquette ends up as a shameless book promotion.

I thought it was shameless self-promotion right from the get-go...  the whole article is a lead-up to her third "Do ask" question. 

[HellsbellsMio]

I love Jennifer.  Her book, She's Not There was a great read.  In fact, it's one of the best books I've read lately.  I even sent her an email telling her about how much it resonated with me and she reponded within minutes and wished me a successful and happy transition.

I am with Grace here, I hate it when people tell me about how I'm like the bravest or most courageous person ever.  I'm not.  When my only other options were "go crazy" or "die", transitioning just became a no-brainer.

Some of my favorite facepalm moments from the last year:

"I can't believe you cut it off."
"Are those like implants?"
"Please don't tell X,Y and Z- they won't take it well."
"Stay away from my kids."
"You look so much like your husband."
"You're going straight to hell."
"You're like the last person I'd suspect."
"Will you still jam with me/fix my guitar/listen to metal?"
"I always figured you were gay anyway."

I'm FtM and mostly gay. I came out to my mother a few days back and she told me I shouldn't tell a (hypothetical) potential boyfriend  that I'm transgender, since that would freak that potential boyfried out and scare him away. Facepalm moment indeed.
Although my grandma reacted better to me coming out, she still adviced me to not tell my dad, I wouldn't want him to be sad, now would I?

I don't really get how those arguments works, I mean, if I don't tell the people near to me, my relationship with them would gradually feel more and more like a lie. If the people who know me well don't know a thing like this, they don't really know me anymore, right? A dear friend told me she view me as a person, thats it, a person, and she didn't want to discuss labels or hear anything about it.. She's very comfortable in being cis, and I got the feeling she mostly denied ti herself that she accually was quite disconserted by what I told her, but I don'd know, I might be wrong of course.

Stuff like this also feels "great" to hear...
"But you used to wear skirts all the time"
"But you are so feminine and delicate"
"But you're such a beautiful girl, you don't have any trouble getting boys, why do you complicate everything and make yourself feel bad?"

[Elanore joey]

i often get asked why would i want to chop "it" off when i am attracted to women as if the see it as cured to being gay

[awilliams1701]

After coming out in the neighborhood Facebook page, I expected a specific person to be an ass about it. I was right. He compared me to a strip club and after I told him he was being an ass he said if you want to chop it off that's fine with me. I was going to correct him, but I really didn't want to feed the troll.

i often get asked why would i want to chop "it" off when i am attracted to women as if the see it as cured to being gay

[immortal gypsy]

"Oh so you like guys then?"
Umm no what I want to wake up as, does not relate to who I wish to wake up with. Gender and sexuality are two different things.

[Lonicera]

I'm obviously the only trans woman on the PLANET who isn't a head-over-heals ga-ga fan of Jennifer Boylan . It irks me that what starts out as an article about etiquette ends up as a shameless book promotion.

*waves* You're not alone. Personally, I think the particular brand of advocacy she represents is often egocentric and potentially dangerous. I'm happy that her words and prominence help people but don't accept the recklessness she's demonstrated when it comes to statements that might be read by other trans people and cause them to make personally harmful choices.

[Emmaline]

What can we do to get this message in the mainstream?  Is there a central document source we can share out- should we pput up posters through our cities?