Today.. well could have been worse but, any advice?

[Shana-chan]

I'm hurt due to injury from work, not able to work, trapped in my house, though I got to see the doc today and have med to help, I still have to wait to have an MRI done and all the while today, even though my Dad helped me, what made me suicidal was time and time and TIME he kept saying he, him, my birth name in nearly every sentence. So much so, I reached a boiling point and threatened to jump out of the car while we were in traffic today. He stopped, tried arguing how what I was asking him was unfair and unreasonable, I made a counter argument and said, I'm not asking you to call me by the name I know go by or female pronouns but I AM asking you to stop using the former name/pronouns and to use they/them and to not use the name at all. You don't realize how devastating and so on it is to me is what I told him. He still didn't truly get it but did ease up for a while. Even so, all today he kept calling me he/him/my son and so on while we were in public. (Sure it was mainly while at a counter but there ARE people in the area)

To make matters worse, because I'm growing my hair out, it's not like I can wear a wig and take it off when in girl mode, so now a few people there know I'm genetically a guy. The only thing I can think to say if it ever becomes a bother in the future is, I have a twin or, I'm trans, probably the former. When I asked my Dad if he'd buy me a starter deck (Yugioh) and I'd pay him back when I got home. He said he wouldn't because it's satanic. (He was referring to the Japanese art of the Dark Magician Girl and the symbol she has on her clothes) and later when I brought it up, he said he wouldn't buy me poison and he views that as poison. While I COMPLETELY disagree with him, I can somewhat respect how he feels about it but it was still wrong imo when I hardly ever ask him to buy me anything and, in this case, I'd have paid him back. The whole events of today could have been far worse, so I'm thankful they weren't, but it still was a bad day for me today.

So yeah, any advice on how to deal with being misgendered/disrespected like that so much so I don't become suicidal? Any advice on how to get my Dad to listen and not be closed minded? (He's OVERLY religious if you didn't gather that much..) And, any advice on how to deal with people who love the gender they thought you were but don't love the real you?

[Rachel]

Sorry, I do not have a way to make them use your preferred name and pronoun. If it gets to be too much then perhaps plan the day when you can move out.

Sorry you are hurt from the dysphoria as well as work, hugs.

If people ask me about my hair I say I like long hair.

[Kade1985]

Trust me, I know how much it sucks. How much it HURTS even. I know it's agitating, depressing, and even at times makes you want to give up. My mother is the same way. She still calls me by female pronouns. By my female nickname (which is Katie, short for my legal middle name) ANYWAY, she calls me woman and girl and lady and she and her all that not so fun stuff to me. Trust me I know how it feels when your parent refuses to acknowledge or even respect you for what you are going through in this matter.

All I have to give is just grit your teeth and bare with it. Remind yourself that their minds are just not capable of understanding and even if they are, they are so far into what they think is a comfort zone they are unwilling to learn how to understand it. You gotta remember that those who do, and those that are at the very least respectful of it and try their very best to get the names and pronouns right are the ones that matter right now.

I know it's not exactly the magic wand you are looking for, and if you find it please let me know so I can whack my mom upside the head with it lol. But that's all you can do trust me on that. They won't listen otherwise.

As far as the Yu-Gi-Oh thing is concerned.. I love Yu-Gi-Oh, haven't played it in a couple years, but love that game. there's actually an online thing (if it's still around, not sure) that you can go to, it's called Dueling Network. It's free, and goes by whatever current tourney rules are applicable and has the "traditional" option as well. Try that out if you can't get your hands on some decks/booster packs.

[Eva Marie]

It might be worthwhile to point out to your dad that he is putting you in danger by using the wrong pronouns & name. One use of the wrong pronoun/name with the wrong "bubba" around overhearing it and you could be attacked. It is a safety issue.

[Evienne]

I'm really sorry your day was so bad
I really hope this doesn't continue for you much longer. All pain has to eventually come to an end, and you don't have to be the one to cause the end to it along with all other ends. I know what you mean though. I got a religious family as well which is why I've never been able to transition, or grow out my hair (although I am now, because I have been fighting it so much, I refuse to get it cut), or wear makeup mostly all the time. In fact, when I'm with my family most the time, I usually have to be boy mode. So I understand how frustrating it can be. But I like coming online to this site, because then I can find other people who understand me, and know what it feels like. Unfortunately I don't know if I have any advice on how to get a parent to stop calling you by the wrong pronouns. Some people just don't get it, and being a parent, only makes it more difficult. But I guess you could just keep asking. There's even a proverb that says "Keep on asking, and it will be given." So as long as you continue to correct him every time, eventually he hopefully will finally say she.
I know that not getting support definitely leads to bad thoughts. They've even proved that scientifically. But what can help is just conversing with those who do support. Block out the bad, take in the good. And I'm always welcoming anyone to send me a message, so feel free to at any time if you want/need to talk about anything:) -hug-

[Jera]

With my religious family, outright trying to convince them of something only makes them more rigid. Sometimes I have some measure of success in dealing with them by making compromises though. Like, asking for him to call you his daughter for a week, and in return you make a sacrifice for the week, too. The bigger your sacrifice is, the more it communicates to him just how important it is to you that he treats you properly, and sometimes it also paves the way for a more open dialogue.

[Shana-chan]

A little update on my Dad & my injury

So, the injury I'll have an MRI done within the next two weeks, unless something changes. Till then, not able to work and not sure what'll happen after MRI is done. As to my Dad, I got to thinking about how he reacted in the car and noticed this. While he was trying to put the blame on my past and how I haven't forgiven myself, he was also burying himself somewhat in his phone (We were stopped at the time because of red light) and he had a voice that indicated he was in shock and disbelief over what I was saying and doing and threatening to do too. I did tell him in the moment that, that attack was not caused by my past and has nothing to do with it but by him because of how he kept misgendering me, all he could say was how this is why you need to be in therapy and you know the rest. (Opening post) I have tried finding someone and, only have one option left, but, I don't want to talk about it and even then, it'd still be up to him to adjust and accept me as I am or the same thing would just happen again eventually. Now to the replies.

If it gets to be too much then perhaps plan the day when you can move out.

If people ask me about my hair I say I like long hair.

I've been moved out and living on my own for a few years now, I do worry the day may come when I may have to move back in with him and then my life really would be a living hell compared to how it is now.. and if not him then someone else and same result..

It's a shame in this world we have to rely on family/friends and can't make it by without their help. Some may, but only if they're rich.

It might be worthwhile to point out to your dad that he is putting you in danger by using the wrong pronouns & name. One use of the wrong pronoun/name with the wrong "bubba" around overhearing it and you could be attacked. It is a safety issue.

Thanks but, funny thing about people who've known you even for just a short time, they have trouble seeing you as the opposite gender, even if you do look and CAN PASS as said opposite gender. I've tried telling them that (Looks part) but they don't seem to get/believe it. Again thank you, I will try and mention it in the future if the time and such is right.

All I have to give is just grit your teeth and bare with it.

You gotta remember that those who do, and those that are at the very least respectful of it and try their very best to get the names and pronouns right are the ones that matter right now.

Yu-Gi-Oh thing is concerned.. , it's called Dueling Network. It's free, and goes by whatever current tourney rules are applicable and has the "traditional" option as well. Try that out if you can't get your hands on some decks/booster packs.

And that's what I've been doing but it still puts me in a bad/depressed mood. Now top that off with how many times it gets done and you get what happened in the car that day if it's bad enough. Luckily, that was the first time I'd become suicidal from how he was misgendering me but still..

And that's why it's hard to be happy and have a social life and such as, other than co-workers/business', I have none that do that and even then, those people/business' are only doing it because they were told to/don't want a law suit/trouble and such. Sure some may do it out of respect, but, I wouldn't know for sure. No the best I've got is some neighbors who have helped me out a little and while they won't call me by the right name/pronouns, they ARE trying to not call me by the old ones, that and so far, they haven't put limitations on what I can wear/say in front of them like my Dad has done. I do have a sister whose been a little supportive but not by much and we had a falling out a few months back, only heard from her via email and not a whole lot, it's looking better than it did before but, could go either way with her.

Thanks, I do still like to buy a few of the cards irl though.

With my religious family, outright trying to convince them of something only makes them more rigid. Sometimes I have some measure of success in dealing with them by making compromises though. Like, asking for him to call you his daughter for a week, and in return you make a sacrifice for the week, too. The bigger your sacrifice is, the more it communicates to him just how important it is to you that he treats you properly, and sometimes it also paves the way for a more open dialogue.

That's a good one but, he won't do this, I'm not kidding when I say he's OVERLY religious.

I really hope this doesn't continue for you much longer. All pain has to eventually come to an end, and you don't have to be the one to cause the end to it along with all other ends.

I know what you mean though. I got a religious family as well which is why I've never been able to transition, or grow out my hair (although I am now, because I have been fighting it so much, I refuse to get it cut)

There's even a proverb that says "Keep on asking, and it will be given." So as long as you continue to correct him every time, eventually he hopefully will finally say she.

I know that not getting support definitely leads to bad thoughts. They've even proved that scientifically. But what can help is just conversing with those who do support. Block out the bad, take in the good. And I'm always welcoming anyone to send me a message, so feel free to at any time if you want/need to talk about anything:) -hug-

Thanks, sadly I've already been through a war zone growing up, no child should have to go through that, sadly as a result I put my sis and Mom through bad times but, anyway, my point here is, I've had many peaceful moments but, it's like I get through one battle and have to go into the next over something sooner or later in my life. Why can't we all just have peace? Why can't we all get along as best as possible? Why can't people do their best to quit being bothered by certain topics such as LGBT? I may never know.

Hope that changes for you and don't give up your long hair if you don't want too. You will find it does come with it's own problems, safety is the biggest one if you aren't out yet. (Only because then people would notice who you are more easily when transitioning but, even then, that's bound to happen so, just be careful and don't worry/fear what I said here too much, unless you live in an area that's not accepting)

I don't want to get into religion too much as, I'm greatly hurt by it in various ways and so on but, basically just because you pray for something or are persistent with it, doesn't mean it'll happen, still nice to try and believe though I guess.

Thanks. And yeah, perhaps I will point that out to him in the future..perhaps..

[Jera]

I'm not kidding when I say he's OVERLY religious.

I am so sorry to hear this. Extreme dogmatism can really, really hurt. It seems like they validate their beliefs purely by resisting anything and everything that challenges them, so there may well be nothing that can change his mind except for himself.

It's possible, since he's insisting you need to see a therapist, that having a therapist explain things to him might help. But if your Dad is anything like mine, there may also be the danger that he just assumes the therapist is a quack because he disagrees with the professional opinion.

The only other thing I have is trying really hard to remember that, even though his actions hurt so much, he really does mean the best, and is just trying to do what he feels is right (however wrong he may actually be). This doesn't help me any with the pain, but it does help me try to keep loving my family anyway, and feel a little less resentment and hate for what they do. If you ever find a better answer than that, please let me know.

Maybe this isn't very helpful, but I really do feel for you. Nobody should have to go through this.

[Evienne]

Thanks, sadly I've already been through a war zone growing up, no child should have to go through that, sadly as a result I put my sis and Mom through bad times but, anyway, my point here is, I've had many peaceful moments but, it's like I get through one battle and have to go into the next over something sooner or later in my life. Why can't we all just have peace? Why can't we all get along as best as possible? Why can't people do their best to quit being bothered by certain topics such as LGBT? I may never know.

Hope that changes for you and don't give up your long hair if you don't want too. You will find it does come with it's own problems, safety is the biggest one if you aren't out yet. (Only because then people would notice who you are more easily when transitioning but, even then, that's bound to happen so, just be careful and don't worry/fear what I said here too much, unless you live in an area that's not accepting)

I don't want to get into religion too much as, I'm greatly hurt by it in various ways and so on but, basically just because you pray for something or are persistent with it, doesn't mean it'll happen, still nice to try and believe though I guess.

You're right. Nobody should have to be fighting any battles when growing up. Sadly some of us do, I being one of them. But I really learned the expression "the past is in the past" is really important to apply. It so dangerous to hold onto the negative of the past. Doing so only ruins the present and future.
Thanks for you advise though, and I don't expect you to talk about religion if you don't want. I don't really like talking about it either myself. Mostly due to it's the reason in the first place I never could transition
Oh well. Look forward to the future of times when things can get better.