mtf lesbian couple, and we're engaged! Can you help with a "cold feet" question?

[tomtomfemme]

Hello,
Short story: I'm a tom fem lesbian, my sweetie is a mtf transgender. Yes, she still has the "inventory". Yes, she is full time female.  We have known eachother for 16 years, but only dating and in love for about a year. We are engaged, super happy with all aspects of our relationship. Communication is great. The question I have posed to her is the same one I'm posing here. She couldn't answer me, because she said she didn't know.

I'm trying to prepare myself for the life ahead for both of us. Hormones for her are expensive (I can deal with that) make up, nails, hair, facials, clothes...all expensive...but she is so worth it!

Now we are facing facial surgery for her. She is starting with just her nose, but isn't sure if she wants to go further with surgeries down the road. 
I hate to seem like I'm just adding up the $ here, but when one does do the math, we are talking hundreds of thousands of dollars.

My question: Does any mtf ever reach the point where they say "I've arrived" and don't feel the need to go further? I  might be getting cold feet, because I'm afraid I end up in the poor house trying to support her transformation.

Thank you for any advice.

[Jessica Merriman]

Hi! I feel that I myself will get to the point where I am done with the physical changes. The only thing I am having done is SRS for obvious reasons. I considered FFS and VFS, but then got to thinking that some of my previous traits are what makes me unique. I am just comfortable this way. I have seen others though who never seem to be where they want to be. They spend all their money, time and life with surgeries and are just never happy with themselves. It seems it goes on forever. This is probably not a helpful reply, but it is how I personally feel with my transition that nothing other than SRS will be done. Sorry for the rambling. 

[crowcrow223]

Talk to her, tell her about your worries.

Realistically, hormones shouldn't be expensive. Especially if you get them legally, but even if you get them off black market, they are still quite cheap...

Makeup, hair, clothes, it's XXI century guys, there's just so much choice, so many brands, you can find affordable, good make-up products, skincare, haircare and clothing, for literally couple of bucks. It's all about doing your research, going out there, looking for whatever you like and being pro-active.

Facials? Well, once in a while it's good to have a bit of indulgence, but facials are not a cornerstone of one's transition lol

There comes a point where some people feel kind of complete, I hope your gf achieves that really soon.

Take care, xx

[Jenna Marie]

Yep. (I don't post in this section much, but it seems as though your question is for trans women as much as SOs?) I got as far as bottom surgery and I am *done.* Zero desire to do anything else or have any other surgeries, and it's been a couple years post-GRS and 5+ years post-transition for me now.

Incidentally, of course I don't know expenses in your area, but I'd estimate my whole transition outside of surgery cost about $5,000 over the course of the past 5 years (and GRS was $20,000, admittedly).

[tomtomfemme]

Thank you for all the helpful advice.
I  think we must live in a high(er) priced area, so your posts encouraged me to be more assertive with shopping around. But in the end it will be up to my girl to go with where she feels comfortable. We have been quoted seventy thousand for SR surgery.

I was encouraged to hear that there will be a place where my girl might feel like she is "done".

I'm also thinking maybe we should seek some counseling, so we can figure out if this is a case where she will ever reach a place where she feels "complete".   

I guess I'm just nervous that our lives together may end up as an endless quest. I would like our focus to be just regular life.

Thank you again.

[Jenna Marie]

If the $70K is for "bottom surgery"... I DEFINITELY would shop around! I don't know of any major/big-name surgeons charging even half that much; I think the closest is Meltzer at something like $30K, and most are in the $15-20K range.

I definitely recommend counseling as well, even for people who are generally coping well, just in case an experienced therapist knows of any pitfalls or can help with communication between you.

[meganB]

Some do and others don't. Some take ages to finally feel "done" and others are happy with what they get and feel "done" very quickly. Feeling "done" is different for every transgender (mtf, ftm and gender queer). Some are happy with just hormones (no operations), some only want operations (no hormones), some want only certain operations. My point is there is no clear "done" point. When someone feels done they are done.

Personally when I have had the surgery down under i'm done. Not going for facial surgery nor breast augmentation.

Actually I already feel "done" (I never get mistaken for a boy/man and I feel natural in how I look), it's just that there is something between my legs that I want to changed.