Jera, you replied to my post a couple days ago, so I know you know I'm kind of in the same place you are right now. I'm glad being here with us on Susan's is helping you.

It only took me a matter of days after joining this forum to go from being so confused I felt like I had scrambled egg brain coming out of my ears, to finally coming to realize who I really am and actually starting to feel like I have some sort of identity. It really makes a difference when you know you're not alone.

I have been struggling a lot lately too, flipping back and forth between wanting to burn through my transition and do it as fast as possible, and becoming absolutely terrified to the point of being totally paralyzed. I think my biggest worry is that my dad and my grandfather and that whole side of my family will shun and disown me. In fact, I'm almost certain that will be the outcome. That is not something I'm sure I am ready to face. But I don't want to be paralyzed and I don't want to push myself so hard I wind up giving myself a nervous breakdown.

So, baby steps it is! I think slow and steady has always been my natural pace, might not be too healthy to change that now.

I also have those moments when I wonder if I even have the mental and emotional strength to go through with it at all. I think that's the scariest thought. But I refuse to believe that, because I just can't live this way.

Just go at your own pace. Take the steps you feel most comfortable with when you feel like it's right. This period feels so overwhelming and scary and impossible sometimes, but reading others stories gives me hope for both of us. Seems a lot of people here have been through this stage and come out the other side. It's good to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel!
I wish you luck when you decide to come out to your family. I do hope there is a chance you can see a therapist sooner, but you will be okay. Just do your best to think positive and keep your mind occupied. And keep talking to us! We will keep you busy.

If you ever need someone to talk to or just chat, feel free to sent me a PM.