hello :-)

[Jill.sperry]

Hello,

My name is Jill (that is, my name of who I really am inside), I am a 35 yr old seriously considering MTF HRT.  I am married and the parent of four kids, which are my greatest gifts.  However, I am torn between being who they know me to be, and who I really am inside and in secret.  I have had a lingering curiosity over fully becoming female since sometime before the age of 10, which grew into a behind the scenes desire through my 20's, and a gut wrenching desperation at this point.  I have cross dressed in secret a number of times, which has brought a temporal sense of rightness and wholeness.  I have hinted at my internal struggle to my wife recently, which she did not take well.  Looking for support and wisdom.  Thanks!

[Evienne]

I get where your coming from. Besides the being married, and I'm only 18, still have the same situation. Well...I don't have kids. But I'm sure you know what I ment XD
Anyways, glad to have you here, hope you enjoy it, and as a haven to help be yourself. -hug-

[Jill.sperry]

Thanks for the support!

[Evienne]

Thanks for thanking me for the thanked support that didn't need thanks despite being thanked.

I'm not even sure if that makes sence myself, but I just feel random today.

[helen2010]

Jill

Welcome to Susans.  This is quite a family and there are many who have faced similar situations to yours.  To help you figure out where you are and what makes sense, a good gender therapist is usually a great first step on whichever journey you choose to take.  If you have already been diagnosed as TG then HRT can provide immense benefit.  A good endo is essential as ymmv and the HRT treatment needs to be carefully managed.  It really is just a step at a time.  No need to overthink this and there really isn't any timetable except for the one which you choose for yourself.

This community has a wealth of information and some really great folk who will be along in a moment to introduce themselves and to listen, support and share their experiences and perspectives.  Each of our narratives differ but there are often common themes.  Along the way it may make sense for you to visit the Significant Others forum as it will provide a different perspective which may become useful as you progress your thinking and your journey.

Being in a relationship can be challenging.  Knowing your truth, your options and being able to share this authentically with your partner will be key to protecting or transforming your relationship.  Timing is key as often early in our journey we are still discovering who we are and the very many possibilities available to us.  Prematurely sharing fears and potential scenarios with your partner may not always be the best course, so again a good therapist will be invaluable.

Safe travels

Aisle

[Jessica Merriman]

A big warm welcome to the family Jill! My sister Aisla gave some very good advice above. If you decide to transition please do it properly and safely. HRT is not to be played with at all. In a lot of cases you will need letters from a Therapist anyway for HRT or SRS so get a good start and find one. As for the family issue's I can only say good luck. My 15 year old son stuck with me, but my wife and daughter left. You never know really how people will react though. If you decide to transition or go on HRT try not to pre judge people's reactions to your news. Several here (myself included) built it up worse than we though. I had coming out as a huge Earth shattering, Sun going out event. It did not really happen that way and I have more TRUE friends now than before. Acceptance seems good now in this day and age. You will lose some, but those that stick with you will more than likely have a new found respect for your decision and perseverance. Anyway, welcome to your Susan's family and know we are here for you on good AND bad days. 

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