My attitude to GRS has changed significantly over time. During my teen years I felt nothing but consuming dysphoria at the thought or sight of my genitals. Their constant presence impacted on thoughts and emotions a great deal. As a result, I regarded GRS as vital.
Somehow, that changed massively a few years ago. I can't really identify the process but I seemed to 'pass through' the dysphoria to a kind of emotional numbness about it. It's quite surreal really, almost like I'm looking at something that belongs to somebody else. I'm not sure it's mentally healthy in the long-term but, for now, it means GRS isn't desired since I've learned to see my present genitals as a sexual tool and surgery as unnecessary.
Before this emotionally numb stage the genital dysphoria meant I could overlook my issues with regard to surgery and the nature of the outcome but now there's no dominant dysphoria to outweigh those concerns. This means I now regard facial surgery and things that impact the rest of my body's presentation as most important, my dysphoria in relation to those things hasn't wavered, or is growing, in intensity.
Having said that, I know I would instantly agree to surgery if it were magically possible to install female-typical sex organs. This is because the 'concerns' I have with GRS are that it won't change how I see myself as a woman at present since I know I'd regard it as the same genitals but rearranged (that's how I see mine, not others). Also, it's quite possible that my attitude will change as transition progresses. I may return to seeing GRS as a necessity or may actually come to actually like my genitals in their present form. It'll be interesting to see. ^_^
