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Seeing a Therapist, Worried about Not Getting T, Social Dysphoria

Started by ElioAyla, July 29, 2014, 03:18:32 AM

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ElioAyla

I am detached from it all at the moment, kind of looking at my life from a third person perspective.
I have an appointment to see a therapist in two days, and I hope that she is not close minded.

Apparently she has training in gender identity issues, according to my psy-doc (the one who gives me the pills for my anxiety).

I am afraid that if I express my true feelings, my connection with shamanism and being two-spirit, non binary and genderqueer with a strong dysphoria and yearning for a more masculine appearance due to social dysphoria, that I will not be getting any T. I am afraid that she will only prescribe T if I tell her I feel I am FtM, which I am in part, but it is not the whole truth. 

I do not function around other people as a woman very well at all, but alone and in my own space with trusted ones, I am free to explore being a woman, and do not want to terminate this. I feel shaky as a female, a young thing with wet fur trying to stretch out and understand itself. I am learning about this aspect of myself, it's all part of my journey. I am not angry with my body anymore (at least, not usually).

But in the world, around other people, the only way I feel comfortable at all is presenting as a male. If I act like myself and they see a woman acting that way, they assume I am trying to flirt with them, while I only intended to compete in a game. All of my actions are perceived incorrectly. I become shy and do not speak, or I become erratic and anxious, emotionally volatile and unpleasant. But when I present as a male, I am outgoing and likeable, entertaining and fun to be around, calm and collected, smooth and easy going. I have done a lot of soul searching, and I believe in my heart that I am meant to be perceived as a boy by the general populace.
I could go on for hours about that topic, but I digress.

Will telling her I am non-binary rather than Trans make it so that I wont be able to get Testosterone? Anyone have any idea at all?
???
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pianoforte

I can't give any advice from actual experience, but a general rule for talking to therapists is to go for the honesty, and trust them to understand you and really listen.

Trust is important with a therapist, and all they are really there for is to help you with your journey. Not to tell you what you can or can't do with your life.

Going in looking for a specific result might get you that result, but might not involve as much growth or insight along the way.

If you end up down a road with this person where she does not feel comfortable recommending T, it will always be possible to find and work with another therapist if you feel the need to do so at that time.

Also, I don't feel like having a non-binary identity precludes using hormones to closer align your physical self with your identity. That does not seem fair in any way, and does not make sense to me.
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Ms Grace

My experience with therapists is that it's good to leave spiritual and/or religious beliefs right out of the discussion - especially as you have interpreted how they may relate to your dysphoria. I think it's safe to say that most therapists want to know how the dysphoria makes you feel and how it manifests in your life (anger, alienation, depression, coping behaviours, etc)...they're not overly interested in a philosophical/theological/spiritual discussion. As easy as it may be to talk about your spiritual framework, and as hard as it may be to talk about your feelings, it is the feelings that are going to convince them of the dysphoria and the likely need for HRT as a form of treatment.
Grace
----------------------------------------------
Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D
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ativan

If your therapist has any gender training, they should be familiar with non-binary, but may not have as much experience as you'd like.
It isn't very hard for them to work with it, and you may have to do a little of the learning curve, but that's going to happen regardless of their background.
The first few times you see a new therapist, it's a lot of getting to know each other.
This in itself is a lot of help by way of reassuring that a good relationship is starting, one you will benefit from.
They will have a lot of questions, just as you do.
It's not unlike getting to know just about anyone, except they are concentrating on you and your difficulties, trying to put some priorities on them.

Up front and honest makes this 'honeymoon' period of adjustment for the both of you as short as possible, it is essential to the process.
This will get you closer to your goals the fastest, and with the best results.
If they don't seem right for you at all, then maybe think about a different one.
But if you aren't completely honest, and that doesn't meant just dumping everything, you'll be doing the same thing with any therapist over and over.
Stay on task, don't let it drift, don't let the therapist either. They are just people who are trying to help and have their own specialized training to help you.

Touching on having a spiritual side is fine, let them know where you are, but don't dwell on it.
Your spiritual guide is for that, not your therapist. Keep in mind they are going to lead the conversation, but you need to also keep it on track, as well.
The more information you can give them, in a summary kind of way, the faster and better they will be able to understand your needs.
In turn, you'll find that they will be more in tune with you, as you will be with them.

Low dose T is what you will start with regardless of what you say, if it is recommended.
Low dose is pretty common and anyone in the business of prescribing it should have a background, and if not, the info is very easy for them to find nowadays.

Like with any good relationship, honesty is the key.
Stay on task to get what you need and want, but do pay attention to what others have to say, both the good and bad.
If any of it becomes confusing, be sure to touch on that even more to clarify it and move on to the next thing.

Time is limited when talking to them, use it wisely.
Ativan
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ElioAyla

Well thanks so much for the advice!
I was totally open and completely honest with her...and it went wonderfully. She seems really cool and we got along great, although I was the one talking for almost the entire hour.   :icon_blahblah:  But it was great. She understands genderqueer, and she said T will be an option for me if I want it!!!! 

I am SO excited and stoked right now!
I am actually gonna get to look the way I feel.
:eusa_dance:
Just wanna share some good news!

:icon_dance:
:icon_rockon:
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Tysilio

Never bring an umbrella to a coyote fight.
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luna nyan

Good to hear you're forming rapport with your therapist.  I hope it continues and you make progress in your personal journey.
Drifting down the river of life...
My 4+ years non-transitioning HRT experience
Ask me anything!  I promise you I know absolutely everything about nothing! :D
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