The internal Vision of you?

[Buffy]

Before I transitioned, one of the issues that I struggled with was what would I finally end up looking like after completing the process. I literally had no idea at this stage I was basically a 200lb, short haired, muscular guy.

I had no idea as to what hormones would do? I had no idea what the final outcome of the FFS I had planned would look like? I had no idea how my voice would sound? No idea how my hair would grow (and if I would have to wear a wig).... In fact it was quite a scary thought, basically changing into something unknown!

This on top of all the other normal paranoia type things, big hands, shoulders, feet etc.

I did however have a vision, a photograpgh, in my own mind of what I would like to look like, which was really one of the things that drove me forward. I was never going to be a 6ft Supermodel or wear a size 2 dress (and I actually only have 2 dresses), but I had a vision of a slim women, not much hips, reasonable bust and long shoulder length brown hair. My face had a feminine nose, much reduced jaw line and a pretty smile (althought not a pretty face).

My vision kept me going through transition, it gave me something to hang onto and I guess I am 90% or greater against my vision 5 years post op, although my hair is completely different to what I thought. I am still working on the weight bit (160lb currently)

If you have transitioned or going through transition (either MTF or FTM) what is your internal vision of yourself and how realistic do you think that vision is?

What are your expectations.....

Buffy

[melissa90299]

I can't remember what my expectations were, only that after seeing the almost final result in the mirror, I have exceeded my wildest dreams. Supermodel, well not hardly but if I were 30 years younger? Who knows?

The one thing that really bugged me is that my wide shoulders were not being offset by big boobs (there are lots of beautiful women who are tall with wide shoulders but they all have big boobs) So now my boobs matched my body type almost perfectly.

I can hardly wait to hang out in the locker room. where I will pass naked flawlessly.

[Maud]

I had no clue, I looked so downright weird prior to transition... a certain someone I met soon after coming out hammered it into me that I was going to look utterly stunning once i'd taken hormones for a while so i just took the pills and watched myself change into me.

[rhonda13000]

I can't remember what my expectations were, only that after seeing the almost final result in the mirror, I have exceeded my wildest dreams. Supermodel, well not hardly but if I were 30 years younger? Who knows?

The one thing that really bugged me is that my wide shoulders were not being offset by big boobs (there are lots of beautiful women who are tall with wide shoulders but they all have big boobs) So now my boobs matched my body type almost perfectly.

I can hardly wait to hang out in the locker room. where I will pass naked flawlessly.

I know. 

I am very pleased with the proportionality.

You two are far ahead of me; more experienced.......I don't know..."internal vision"

I've been shocked at how much progress has been made, surgically and via HRT; I never expected such.

I never expected to be 'pretty', yet much progress has been made, is being made.....

I do recall vividly nights where I found myself crying over the seeming impossibility of actually being a pretty woman, an attractive one and yet today........

"An extra special reward for the girl, for having survived so many years in agony."   

[Hazumu]

I had idealized visions.  But the one that best encapsulated it was-

Standing in an aisle of the local Safeway (the one in the 'cool' neighbourhood downtown,) long hair past the shoulders, with bangs, a right-sized bust (not too big, not too small,) wearing a career outfit of a nice blouse and cardigan over herringbone pants and business flats, reading a package label trying to make up her mind, shopping basket slung over the crook of her elbow, just another woman shopper after work.

I was surprised at how quickly I achieved it.

I work in a in a field where your job is to create.  But I did have someone else point out that shopping too is a creative activity, what with it's rejection/acceptance aspect.  You do create ensembles.  And I'm exploring that creative aspect with gusto, and trying on a number of other looks, deciding which ones 'work' and which are better to avoid.  (Right now "Hippie Chick" works well and still has possibilities and permutations to explore )  So perhaps my internal vision is undergoing modification.

Maybe the question should be the internal visions?

Karen

[MeganRose]

I really had no idea.

I started my transition thinking that I'd probably end up looking pretty much the same, that no amount of whatever was going to make me look much less like the person I was at that time. I couldn't see past the reality of what the mirror was showing at the time to really see where I could end up. And yep, I was wrong, and it feels great to say that .

Megan

[Buffy]

I really had no idea.

I started my transition thinking that I'd probably end up looking pretty much the same, that no amount of whatever was going to make me look much less like the person I was at that time. I couldn't see past the reality of what the mirror was showing at the time to really see where I could end up. And yep, I was wrong, and it feels great to say that .

Megan

And thats why I asked the question, I think we can be truly astonished and amazed by our own transformations, starting from what is sometime some fairly substandard raw material!

Buffy

[rhonda13000]

I really had no idea.

I started my transition thinking that I'd probably end up looking pretty much the same, that no amount of whatever was going to make me look much less like the person I was at that time. I couldn't see past the reality of what the mirror was showing at the time to really see where I could end up. And yep, I was wrong, and it feels great to say that .

Megan

And thats why I asked the question, I think we can be truly astonished and amazed by our own transformations, starting from what is sometime some fairly substandard raw material!

Buffy

How..........wonderful, Buffy! 

It is nothing short of amazing.

Never could I have conceived of such attainment....

[tinkerbell]

Hmmmm...interesting question....I think I imagined myself to be as how I am now without the blonde hair of course....

tink

[mavieenrose]

Hi Buffy,

Wow, that's a really difficult question, I'm desperately trying to delve deep into my memory...

But, no I just can't remember ever having any real idea in my head of how I might look, except for no longer having any facial hair and no longer having that growth between my legs.  I suppose I was basically just focussed on what I wouldn't have afterwards, rather what I would.

MVER XXX

[Lori]

Hrmm....a toppless pole dancer  >

Yes, blonde with big boobs, thin waist, wide hips, curved heartshaped butt....wait, I'm 39 and a parent. And I was born hairy and male....sigh. 

Will these hormones ever work?? Am I just taking placebos? Even if they do work somewhat will I ever reach my vision. No probably not. The skeleton doesnt change and even though some claim to have female skeletons....until my hips are wider than my shoulders I won't believe it. What percentage of my vision is acceptable? Only time will tell I suppose.

Waiting on a miracle...

[HelenW]

I don't have that internal vision.  I feel that making one is setting up expectations that can, and probably will, cause me disappointment in the end.  I am going through this allowing myself to evolve and be surprised by the changes.

Does that mean I won't develop an idea later on?  Probably not.

hugs & smiles
Emelye

[Berliegh]

Who knows? I'm not there yet.....I just look the same as I did 10 years ago and 20 years ago.......

it must be different for people who go from one exreame to another........I was never like that so my vision is more realistic, just a refind vesion of how I already look...

[Suzy]

My vision of myself is to be a little slimmer and with more hair.  Plus a few other things that a surgeon can take care of facially.  But that being said, I am starting to see her in the mirror and it is really exciting.

Kristi

[Christine Eryn]

Realisticly I'll look like my sister after all said and done. Hope that's not too bizzare. People always said we look like twins, though she's older by 6 years. I never saw that until recently. Before, I had just imagined myself with a small feminine nose and a nice, smooth, round forehead. And these sharp jaws have to go too. If I could just take care of my shoulders, which will eventually happen, I'd be all set.

[Karla B]

I don't think I'd look much different than I do now, except I'd look much more feminine with BOOBS!!!!!!! 

Or I could end up looking like 'Danny Devito' in drag!  Just Kidding!! He and I have absolutely nothing in common, looks or Personality 

I'll let myself be surprised ! All I'd really like is to pass... Then we can work on the Knockout part    HeHeHe.

[melissa90299]

Leaving hospital after GRS/BA, yetserday the young Thai grrrls at Patong Beach told me I have great body, who would have thunk it? I guess the lesson is there is hope for all.

BTW I thought the Thai men were forward, the woman are much worse!

[AnnieE]

Pretty much like I am now, except maybe with smaller hands, feet, and a more female frame.

I'm just glad I'm as feminine as a male can get.

[cindianna_jones]

All I wanted was to be accepted as a female.  Any "fun" I was able to experience for my femaleness was a huge plus.  I did have some fun... but NOT enough!  I want more fun! More fun!

I believe that while so many of us aspire to have those perfect features, most of us would give everything just to be "normal".

In many ways my life is normal.  There's some bad stuff, there's some good stuff, and there's some every day normal stuff.  I consider myself very fortunate to have made the decisions I have made.

I love life!

Cindi

[Kimberly]

My vision? Precious.
Obtainable? No.

So all things considered I just do an so far I am pretty happy usually.
^*shrug*
Tis a blank highway, at night, a moonlit night out in the desert, with no lights. ... I think I am going the right direction... I think there is a road here...

Time will tell eh?