You wonderful, loving, incredible people just won't let me disappear and hide, will you
I try not to introduce toxicity into threads
The pm's came through. Ativian was spot on with h'er post on my behalf
Bottom line is I am still in a very serious crisis, came within an inch from another mental breakdown this afternoon, and am basically fighting for my life. Not physically, but everything I love is in trouble right now, and I am trying to hold it together, and just barely am doing so.
The spiritual attacks have been hideous, not from the forum, but from outside circumstances.
Shantel the stalker is in the hands of the Living God. No one here on earth could be more frightening to be in the grip of, and my prayer is that he be forgiven as I was, and we have forgiven this guy. And the second one that did actually get to one of my kids was struck with a stroke and is in a nursing home, probably in diapers. He is also in the hands of the living God, but I have not yet forgiven. She has recovered well though and when I came out trans, she revealed her dark secret, a child of 7 groped by a man of 60. I need to forgive but I spit on this man.
The forum and my obsession with it has been interfering with my ability to work and also with family time. I am trying to control this, and alcoholics addict fast and I am addicted to you all and this forum. It reached a disasterous point with my wife now and I am working through it.
My job due to the increases in E cyp and subsequent memory issues is also in grave jeopardy, but the serums are near journeys end and this may pass now. It usually does once they stabilize. But the damage is bad, and I came an inch from firing on Saturday, when by divine intervention I had lunch with our owner and have a second chance. But I may have lost core competency, and with a 250.00 per month meds and shrink budget, if I lose the job, I am beyond screwed.
So, the marriage is threatened, I have been cleaned out by a real estate scam, the house is wrecked by that as----le, my job is threatened, and my support here on the forum is threatened too. I am down to me and God, and the spiritual attacks are not helping either. It is uncanny, unreal and very scary.
I think I pissed off the one with the horns by reaching out to you and trying to restore anyone that would listen to Christ - the guy at the campfire that ate fish, loved screw ups and cast outs, and turned the world upside down, and who forgived me from all kinds of things. I keep that on the Christianity forum, but it is my core to the max, and it shows in everything I do here.
So I am hunkered down, I have an escape plan, and I am hoping not to lose everything including my mind.
Toxic thread now, exactly why I wanted to disappear and not bother all of you dear people. But you deserve to know the truth.
So I guess I am still here, but access is limited. I am scared to death, I sacrificed everything and I mean everything for my wife and kids, and my very core is threatened and under grave attack.
I have never failed, with my God, to survive the unsurvivable. To accept the unacceptable, to overcome against all the odds. I need to do it again, but it looks hopeless for the job, and that will cascade into total disaster.
I am so tired. You have to carry me now.
And I need Lady Jessica to stay on my threads. She is part of my critical support in here. The maternal love she has is limitless and I need it.
Now you know why I don't look at the marrage threads, the heavy stuff, the newbie stuff. I am far too fragile to handle them.
Stay with me please, I can't do this anymore, I need all of you now.
I could just throw up. How can anyone go through all this, and yet, are we not all survivors and courageous people of trans?
Blessings. Don't let my triggers or toxicity take out a newbie I'd just die.
Love to all, disappearing now until ... ? but I may be a silent cell phone watcher anyway.
The PM's still show up in my email.
Ativan you are so on the money....don't you trigger either on me and get worried, don't anyone trigger.
