A gender specific therapist would be nice. I've been seeing a gender therapist with my dad, but for other reasons. He does more than work with trans folk. It was kinda weird since it's a guy, but I got used to it very quickly. I was unable to really talk to him about the other side of me, but if I could I would tell him everything. As far as I know he's one of the most recognized therapists in the state of CT. Like most of my problems he's just too far away to drive and see on a regular basis. I had gotten a recommendation from a clinical psychiatrist based on how I was mentally at the time and I almost started transitioning then, but due to insurance and other money factors that got shot out of the sky. I almost ended it all if you know what I mean, but the female side of me (which had more sense) stopped me and has been my lookout ever since.
Right now I go to the gym mostly because of my male side. I've never had a nice looking physique and I felt for a while if I couldn't transition I'd be the best looking fit man I could be, but that has since gone to nothing. I'm big and strong now, but my body type won't let me look how I want to look even as a guy. Makes me really angry. A lot of people at the gym nowadays, unless they know me, have surprised looks on their faces when I lift really heavy weight. I think if I started HRT now, I'd look a lot like a crossfit woman.
I think I started to change how I dress for the most part, but since I grow hair an inch every century I won't have much hair to speak of for a long long time. I had started to wear tighter clothes, but honestly unless I was actually changing it had no mental effect on me either way. To a degree I think my mental state right now is what most with dysphoria would like. It's not a bother to my anymore whether not I transition or not. More or less I've trained my mind just to lock it up or not think too much about it. A strong suit of my personality is that I can pretty much make any bad situation into a laughable one because I joke about my own demise and problems.
Hopefully I can start my transition by the end of the year. I've said this a couple times in my life, but my family has to move again, but it's not a bad move. It's right down the street, the rent and bills are even lower, and I can finally start my IT certification classes online and once that's done I can get a job working from home and transition that way. I wouldn't care if I had to transition in a workplace of people, but depending on the populous it's just not my thing.
The one time in life where I dressed as a girl was the best day of my life accept having to go to school like that and having my own friends hit on me. I was glad and mad at the same time. =]
