Going Insane!

[shanetastic]

So my therapist and I have been seeing each other for about 9 months to a year I believe it is.  With all the discussions we have had, she still says I need to find peace and have a stable life before/if I wanted to change.  But to me it's driving me insane, because I totally am oblivious to the whole idea of having a content life the way I am right now, which I hope some people can relate to in here.

Is it just me or do I have a reason to be going insane over this it seems like.  Not in a bad way, just like agitated and I don't understand her thinking.  Any ideas, or help? 

[Sarah Louise]

Have you told her that Not Transitioning is what is keeping you from having a stable life?


Sarah L.

[shanetastic]

I'll try to quote what I remember best here, but I believe she said, "Your thinking in the wrong direction, you have to find peace in yourself, then change, not the other way around."  That isn't a direct quote but it's along the lines of what she said give or take a few words.

[Sarah Louise]

Has this therapist worked with TS people in the past?  If not, it might be time to look around for another therapist.


Sarah L.

[shanetastic]

She has some encounters, she's doesn't only see them though, she has other clients as well.  It's just profound that she would say that, it just doesn't make sense in my mind.  Should it though?

[Wendy]

Shane,

It is good to stabilize before doing transition so that you can tell if the dysphoria or depression is weighing more on your mind.  There are people on this site that stabilize when the depression is under control.  Others can never stabilize the depression and they live with a myriad of issues.  Sarah L. suggested that you visit a good TS therapist which is an excellent idea!

[Kimberly]

but I believe she said, "Your thinking in the wrong direction, you have to find peace in yourself, then change, not the other way around."

In theory she is right, in practice... Well, someone here said it better. (paraphrased) "If I can find peace with myself like this, then WHY do I need to transition!?"

I.e. Your therapist doesn't have a clue.
I realize that is harsh, but in my opinion she is totally underestimating this affliction. The 'cure' is not a magic bullet, but doing nothing is very detrimental.

In my opinion, of course.

Please feel free to tell her I said this.

[Suzie]

9 months is enough time to decide whether you are being helped or not.  It doesn't hurt to have a 2nd opinion...something to consider.

[RebeccaFog]

Hi,

   Other than the gender issues, do you have depression or anxieties?   Are you living some outrageous life that we don't know about?

Just asking, I don't mean any offense, and of course, you don't have to tell us anything you're not comfortable with.


Love,

Rebis

[shanetastic]

Hi,

   Other than the gender issues, do you have depression or anxieties?   Are you living some outrageous life that we don't know about?

Just asking, I don't mean any offense, and of course, you don't have to tell us anything you're not comfortable with.


Love,

Rebis

No other problems with my life really besides this.  I'm pretty stable, but at times depression hits mainly because of my feelings with myself and my life.  I'm just a normal person working and going to college.  Speaking of that I must go now to work   But thank you for the advice and keep it coming so I have something to read up on when I'm back!

Thank you everyone!

[Kate]

So my therapist and I have been seeing each other for about 9 months to a year I believe it is.  With all the discussions we have had, she still says I need to find peace and have a stable life before/if I wanted to change.  But to me it's driving me insane, because I totally am oblivious to the whole idea of having a content life the way I am right now, which I hope some people can relate to in here.

I had the same, exact experience. It took me 11 months to get an HRT letter, and even then I don't think she was very happy about it.

Looking back, although she said she wanted my inner and outer environment to be more stable, I think she probably wanted a real commitment to transition, and I was still waffling a bit with, "Well, I don't KNOW how hormones will make me feel, as I've never tasted estrogen... so I can't commit to something I've never felt!" I KNEW I'd never turn back, but somehow formally declaring that to the world - and even to myself - scared me to death.

~Kate~

[Kimberly]

Question Kate,

Did that delay help or harm do you think?

[shanetastic]

I don't think she understands the fact that I'm depressed at times because I've been living nineteen years feeling this way, and I finally get the courage a little under a year ago to do something about it, and yet nothing is being done as it feels like.  Sure, she's learning more about me, but I'm not and I don't see any difference in myself despite my feelings getting worse and worse (if not unbearable at times as it feels)

[MaggieB]

There is a concept that HRT is a diagnostic tool for GID and for TS. Those that benefit have GID and TS but those who are not cannot tolerate the hormones. To wait longer than a few months, seems like she wants to slow down the process and that makes me wonder about motives. Is she milking the situation for more client hours?

[Sarah Louise]

I doubt that the therapist is "milking" for more hours, but I would question if she believes in the TS condition. It would seem to me that either you are giving mixed signals or she isn't in favor of people transitioning.

I think it might be time for you ask her some very specific questions.


Sarah L.

[shanetastic]

She says at times that I'm too young to know what I want right now and maybe later in life.  I know it sounds bad to say that, but maybe it's because I'm giving her mixed signals I have no idea to be honest really.  I'm just hoping that she comes to the point well she will think it's time to let me make my own choice.  After all, this is my life, not hers.  I wouldn't think she's trying to get more hours out of me, because regardless if she allows me to transition I'm still going to see her.  Ahhhh I'm just confused, what does she want!?!?

Edit:  Maybe she's not in favor of people transitioning, because she was like "Well transitioning is hell, it's worse than what your going through."  But I don't think she understands maybe, after all I don't think it can be worse than my life right now with a past suicide attempt.  I don't think it gets any worse than that right there. 

[Sarah Louise]

As I said, maybe it is time to ask her some very direct questions.

Where does she see you going from here?  How much older does she think you need to be?  Etc.


Sarah L.

[shanetastic]

Well I'm 19 right now.  And when we were having a discussion, she was like well you don't need to make any choices right now after all your still young.  Maybe you'll want this more when your older, but for right now your still young, you have other options. . . blah blah blah ya know?

And I have no idea where she sees me going from here to be honest, I don't think she ever mentioned anything like that.  Maybe it will be time for some questioning though indeed.

[Kimberly]

You might consider asking her Shanetastic, but then I do favor a direct in approach method in most cases.

But this said, yes I do think a limited HRT trial is probably the most telling thing, but I am not in the minding that it is foolproof. If you are aware of yourself the difference between T and E is quite noticeable however and if it was in doubt it is another data point as it were.

Odds are unless you are explicitly clear the therapist is going to wait until you are. Uncertainty is, after all, NOT a good thing in the context of life altering decisions.

Personally I really did not have any problems with my therapist (Dr.Bushong), and although I was starting to come apart at the seams it was not a huge delay (far more than was necessary but part of the job description of a therapist is to help you help yourself. YOU have to be ready after all, an then of course the therapist has to agree with you )

Anyway, I suggest making your minding very clear and leaving no doubt. Usually that is good advice anyway

^*curtsey*

[shanetastic]

You might consider asking her Shanetastic, but then I do favor a direct in approach method in most cases.

But this said, yes I do think a limited HRT trial is probably the most telling thing, but I am not in the minding that it is foolproof. If you are aware of yourself the difference between T and E is quite noticeable however and if it was in doubt it is another data point as it were.

Odds are unless you are explicitly clear the therapist is going to wait until you are. Uncertainty is, after all, NOT a good thing in the context of life altering decisions.

Personally I really did not have any problems with my therapist (Dr.Bushong), and although I was starting to come apart at the seams it was not a huge delay (far more than was necessary but part of the job description of a therapist is to help you help yourself. YOU have to be ready after all, an then of course the therapist has to agree with you )

Anyway, I suggest making your minding very clear and leaving no doubt. Usually that is good advice anyway

^*curtsey*

Thanks for the advice   I'm a horrible person to ask to ask a direct question.  I prefer to go around everything myself it's just how I am.  I'm not afraid to admit what I want, but I don't think she is willing to accept it right now I guess.  It will probably take some convincing, but if she doesn't budge, whatever, it's my life I'll go elsewhere.  I know exactly what I want, and what I am willing to sacrifice for it, and that's all that matters to me.  Sure, I'm 19, but so what, I'm an adult too, and that doesn't mean you can treat me any differently than anyone else to walk through those doors.