I'm very confused. (please unravel me)

[JohannaJohn]

M....me?
Um, okie!
I will make a forum about modeling if you wish. Also, I believe there was a person who was androgynous, so I think saying "gals" might be a put-down, since they were a part of the conversation too. Back on topic, what do you want me to write on the forum.
And yas, I am happy to have such a generous audience of people, for someone as uknown as me!

Silent rain...very kind of you dear...I was really responding to androgynouspainter26...

But, sure, if YOU would like to start a thread on modeling, feel free...

And, that is true, I probably wasn't being fair to use the word "gals" when not necessarily everyone reading would consider themselves "gal" -- sorry, my bad you are right --

As to which forum here on this website --- not sure --- does anyone else have any suggestions as to where to start such a thread?

Thanks,
Johanna.

[Jessica Merriman]

I am happy to have such a generous audience of people, for someone as uknown as me!

We have a habit around here of making people known! Besides, your family now! 

[Susan522]

Susan   There's way more to life than transitioning!

Obviously.  Nevertheless until the mind, soul and body are one.  Confusion and dsyphoria, (that feeling of not really having a good fit in your body), will persist.  Many choose to live their life like that which is their choice to make.  However, if the goals to transform the body to fit the mind, then why f**K around?

[JohannaJohn]

I am happy to have such a generous audience of people, for someone as uknown as me!
We have a habit around here of making people known! Besides, your family now! 

Well, Jessica...you gals and guys here have done a GREAT job of making ME feel I am part of this great family.

The diversity of experience in our family here is SO wonderful.

Overall, I still find it a little hard to believe how great this HRT is...especially the mental changes...I still feel "high" with happiness...

Johanna.

[SilentRain]

Hey everyone!  I went to the library and read a few pages of Kate Bornstein's Gender Outlaw. I had to stop when she claimed she a misgender (I think) I thought to myself, do I really want to be a female? You can be gender nuetral. So I thought and thought, and well I realized I didn't specify which gender when I looked into the mirror and said "this is not me." Was I thinking of being non-human? Was I thinking of being an old man? This confuses me a lot. I might as well tell you I'm a little raveled again. I still want to be a female but the question is: Will I look like my body reflects my mental state?

[helen2010]

I think that Kate's message is that there are as many genders as there are folk.  That we should take the time to understand our gender identity and not simply choose the pink box or choose the blue box.  Fully understanding, accepting and appropriately addressing  your gender identity is a necessary step in achieving an authentic and powerful life.

Aisla

[androgynouspainter26]

Rain,

It's confusing stuff as first!  I think the issues related to your body have nothing to do with your gender, although that's just my view on the subject and I'm sure many other people don't agree.  I am going to alter my body, or continue to do so, because that is what I need to do in order to feel comfortable with myself.  But gender, for me, is a separate thing-I cut my hair short, wear pants more often than not, and like looking androgynous.  I think the best way to explain it is that this is an identity that you are going to adopt for yourself-you don't need to fit into any mould.  Female, or any gender for that matter, is just a category our society creates, so don't think in terms of female or male.  Think in terms of what you WANT to see.  Do you want to have an innie or an outie down below?  How do you want to style your hair and what would you like to be wearing?  These questions should be asked independently of the social norms that dictate what is "male" or "female.  That's what Kate was trying to say in my opinion.  Am I making any sense?  Also, if you can you should really try to read the whole thing.  It confounded me at first but eventually I made sense of it and the payoff was huge.

[SilentRain]

Rain,

It's confusing stuff as first!  I think the issues related to your body have nothing to do with your gender, although that's just my view on the subject and I'm sure many other people don't agree.  I am going to alter my body, or continue to do so, because that is what I need to do in order to feel comfortable with myself.  But gender, for me, is a separate thing-I cut my hair short, wear pants more often than not, and like looking androgynous.  I think the best way to explain it is that this is an identity that you are going to adopt for yourself-you don't need to fit into any mould.  Female, or any gender for that matter, is just a category our society creates, so don't think in terms of female or male.  Think in terms of what you WANT to see.  Do you want to have an innie or an outie down below?  How do you want to style your hair and what would you like to be wearing?  These questions should be asked independently of the social norms that dictate what is "male" or "female.  That's what Kate was trying to say in my opinion.  Am I making any sense?  Also, if you can you should really try to read the whole thing.  It confounded me at first but eventually I made sense of it and the payoff was huge.

Well, in my opinion, I wish to have no sexual organs at all! I find it disgusting, homestly. However, in between the two choices, I would like to an innie. I would like to style my in a female fashion, and paint my nails, and wear purses (because it is very useful.) I like the feeling of freedom, yet I hate getting hurt physically and emotionally.....I'd best tell these emotions to a gender therapist! Sorry, if I'm wasting your time, I didn't mean too!

[androgynouspainter26]

No, not at all.  I like giving advice to people now that I finally have enough of my own stuff together to do so   Besides, you remind me of me two years ago.  It's all good!  I wouldn't keep replying if I didn't want to help.

Yeah, you and me both.  I don't think most therapists are comfortable with the idea of someone not wanting sexual organs, but it makes perfect sense to me.  Both are gross!  I think it's great that you know you want to do these things, and how you want to look.  And that's the first step.  Not raising money for surgery, not secretly starting hormones.  The first step is beginning to explore who you are and who you want to be.  As for getting hurt-well, I've got some news for you: If you violate traditional gender norms, you are going to face adversity.  Unless you are able to pass from day one (in which case I hate you), things are not going to be easy for a while.  You might get hurt-emotionally, and even physically if you aren't careful (self defense courses-very important for people like us).  But doing nothing hurts a lot too, doesn't it?  That's why you're here.  You need to be prepared for a bumpy road, but chances are you'll be so much happier moving forward than just staying where you are.

[SilentRain]

No, not at all.  I like giving advice to people now that I finally have enough of my own stuff together to do so   Besides, you remind me of me two years ago.  It's all good!  I wouldn't keep replying if I didn't want to help.

Yeah, you and me both.  I don't think most therapists are comfortable with the idea of someone not wanting sexual organs, but it makes perfect sense to me.  Both are gross!  I think it's great that you know you want to do these things, and how you want to look.  And that's the first step.  Not raising money for surgery, not secretly starting hormones.  The first step is beginning to explore who you are and who you want to be.  As for getting hurt-well, I've got some news for you: If you violate traditional gender norms, you are going to face adversity.  Unless you are able to pass from day one (in which case I hate you), things are not going to be easy for a while.  You might get hurt-emotionally, and even physically if you aren't careful (self defense courses-very important for people like us).  But doing nothing hurts a lot too, doesn't it?  That's why you're here.  You need to be prepared for a bumpy road, but chances are you'll be so much happier moving forward than just staying where you are.

Aww! I do? That's so sweet of you! I do have to take self defense courses, shouldn't I? And when I face adversity, I'll have all of you, right? Thank you everyone for maiking me warm and fuzzy inside! I'm so happy I met people like you! I will look into self-defense when I can, is there any the community recommends?

[Susan522]

Now I understand why some t-peeps actually hate me.  I 'passed' from day one.  But that is extremely besides the point.  Knowing who you are is paramount.  For many, as evidenced by the many trans-people on this forum, that can take decades.

If like androgynouspainter, that makes you happy, then you are good to go.  I have a couple of friends who are GQ and they seem very happy.  If on the other hand, you know that you are female then IMHO you had better get to putting things in order.

"Female, or any gender for that matter, is just a category our society creates, so don't think in terms of female or male." 

I strongly disagree.  Humans are born male or female except for a tiny statistically insignificant percentage who are born with missing or ambiguous genitalia, (inter-sex). Bornstein is talking about gender, gender roles and how individuals relate to and/or interact vis-à-vis gender within our society.  Bornstein advocates for a kind of gender anarchy where there are no accepted "rules" of behavior.  While personally I have no real problem with the existing set-up in society, if someone wants to violate those  rules or norms, I think that as A-painter points out, you do so at your own peril

[androgynouspainter26]

Rain,

Aww, thanks!

Self defense is important to know no matter what you are-het, cis, trans or gay, or anything in between.  It's gotten me out of a nasty situation before, although I should probably mention that I probably have more training than anyone on this forum who isn't ex-military; I've been practicing tikwandoh for eleven years.  If you want basic self defense, RAID is a good solid choice.  It's designed for people who tend to be smaller in size who just need to know how to respond to an aggressor.  Pepper spray is also very nice.

Susan,

I guess it depends on what you call "gender"-for me, the sex you are born and the sex you feel yourself to be have nothing to do with gender.  I don't believe in gender, but I do believe that my sex was incorrect when I was born.  Sorry, but the existing set-up in society is an oppressive one designed to relegate people into different roles depending on their sex.  It's not a good system, it's an oppressive one, and I violate it because I personally believe that I have a moral obligation to do so.  And because anyone who tries hard to fit into these tightly defined roles is just making things hard for themselves.  For the record, I am putting things in order to physically transition as well.  But physical transition is only a small piece of the puzzle for anyone-there's so much more to this than flying to Thailand and then disappearing into a world of normative sexuality and gender standards.  I think it's important that people realize that.

[androgynouspainter26]

Not to say that any of this is one size fits all...but I just think it's important that more people have a broader view of all of this. 

[SilentRain]

Rain,

Aww, thanks!

Self defense is important to know no matter what you are-het, cis, trans or gay, or anything in between.  It's gotten me out of a nasty situation before, although I should probably mention that I probably have more training than anyone on this forum who isn't ex-military; I've been practicing tikwandoh for eleven years.  If you want basic self defense, RAID is a good solid choice.  It's designed for people who tend to be smaller in size who just need to know how to respond to an aggressor.  Pepper spray is also very nice.

Susan,

I guess it depends on what you call "gender"-for me, the sex you are born and the sex you feel yourself to be have nothing to do with gender.  I don't believe in gender, but I do believe that my sex was incorrect when I was born.  Sorry, but the existing set-up in society is an oppressive one designed to relegate people into different roles depending on their sex.  It's not a good system, it's an oppressive one, and I violate it because I personally believe that I have a moral obligation to do so.  And because anyone who tries hard to fit into these tightly defined roles is just making things hard for themselves.  For the record, I am putting things in order to physically transition as well.  But physical transition is only a small piece of the puzzle for anyone-there's so much more to this than flying to Thailand and then disappearing into a world of normative sexuality and gender standards.  I think it's important that people realize that.

I'm not trying to expose you or anything but is RAID a course in a country thay's not America? Also, thank you very much for bringing this up, I like the idea for both exercise amd self defense! Thank you very much AndrogynousPaint26! I am looking into a course in my home country right now, in the province I live in.

[androgynouspainter26]

What?  No, I'm from the states.  Rape defense-that's basically what it is. 

[SilentRain]

What?  No, I'm from the states.  Rape defense-that's basically what it is.

Oooooooooooo, okay, I'll search it under those terms! Are you sure it's not RAD? Also, I'm a minor, so does it cost money?