I can totally relate, and I know how upsetting it can be. But the important thing to assure to yourself is that none of it is your fault. You have no control over all the changes that happen during puberty, but you CAN control some or make them less noticeable. Instead of focussing on features that are impossible to change (eg. height, hands, feet) focus on the ones you can work on, like voice, facial and body hair, etc.
I know how hard it is to open up, but you are going to have to do it. You can't carry this huge burden forever yourself, because it will turn you into self-destructive ways and we definitely don't want that. You need to find a LGBT group around your area and seek support from them, and online communities like this one! You were already very brave to share your story here, and that's a step for your healing. So with time, not at all once, you'll be able confinde in the therapist who, like anyone, will have to earn your trust.
Also, you're no longer underage, so maybe you could actually meet a sympathetic endocrinologist and speak to them about your worries. But you need to something yourself to appease your pain. Find ways of getting small joy from life, like joining a vlounteering group for example, and if it's too hard to talk with people, remember you're not the only one that fears rejection. We all do, for different reasons, and everyone gets rejected. Rejection doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong with you. Go fout and find people to talk to and hang out with them 🙂 Do you have any hobbies? If you like reading like me, try joining a reading club or go to a library. Most people will be nice and pleasant, and also many of the people there are shy and awkward themselves.
You're NOT alone. Most people here, if not all of us, like helping others, we're all in the same boat, after all
Best wishes 🙂
