Doubts and fear? Kind of?

[Clockwork]

I just joined so I don't know if I'm doing this right but...

I have been living as male for two years and I'm about to start take Testosterone soon, but I'm kinda scared?

I know I'm male and the idea of living female makes me sick to my stomach but...I slip up sometimes, I call myself by female pronouns occasionally and every time it makes me scared and nauseous but it still happens, even in my head. I'm going into hormone therapy excited but very scared. Does anyone else get these half doubts? Or is it just me?

[LordKAT]

Your far from alone in your thinking. I didn't personally but many do think on it for quite a while and have some doubts. I felt that way about a blood transfusion I had. Once you start, those feelings usually go by the wayside pretty quickly.

BTW, Welcome to Susan's.
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[Jessica Merriman]

You are completely normal in your thoughts. There are thousands of stories here to prove it. Live how you are happy doing it! 

[Felix]

Sounds pretty normal to me. When I started transitioning for real I was worried that I wouldn't be able to unlearn my internal pronouns, but the old ones fell away as the people around me stopped using them. I can't remember the last time I slipped up. My personal use of "she" to refer to myself had always felt abstract and forced so switching to "he" didn't feel like it carried much emotional load.

Don't judge yourself too harshly for any doubts or old habits you have if you're confident in your course of action.

Congratulations on your transition progress.

[GenTechJ]

I wouldn't call them doubts, it sounds mostly like fears. And as others have said you are definitely not alone in those thoughts. I will be calling a therapist later today (it's almost 0200/2AM here) and I feel my fears rising again. However, I'm confident in my decision and know I'm on the right path.

I'm starting to think fear is a natural part of the process, especially the later one holds off on walking the path. But personal situations and locations can also make things easier or harder for each person.

[Ms Grace]

Going on hormone therapy is indeed simultaneously an exciting yet scary thing, as are a number of other steps along the way. I hope the forum can give you support and help along the way. Welcome!

[Valleyrie]

Hey Clockwork, welcome! It's always great to have new people here. Feel free to come here for advice or to vent if you need. What you're feeling is normal I believe. Who wouldn't feel doubt and fear in a situation like this? The future can be scary but that's the exciting part, you never know what's going to happen. Take it slowly and do what you think is right. ^.^ I still use my old name accidentally when referring to myself in my mind and there's nothing wrong with that. Good luck!