I respect your strength. Unlike yourself, not only do I live in a big city, I live in a big liberal city that is rather LGBT friendly (Washington, DC). Still that's not enough for me to feel SAFE.
The Truth is I say screw society but not in an act of defiance, rather to show my distaste for it all. These sexist, racist, whatever-phobic pigs scream and shout about freedom or how Muslims are uncivilized and medieval, but here we have in Transfolk a group that suffers from absolutely staggering amounts of violence and oppression. Why is our government not doing anything beyond lukewarm legislation? Doesn't it have a duty to protect us? Funny how I see this big push to have gay folks accepted by society, yet transpeople are still viewed with disdain. It's NOTHING for someone to look at us and laugh to the tune of "freak."
Oh, in this supposedly enlightened culture one could well get all sorts of negative labels if they spew hatred towards men or women, towards gays or lesbians, towards Muslims or Jews, or towards Blacks or Whites, but if someone wants to get away with hating, teasing, harassing, all they gotta do I look to the Trans community. It's like over 90% of the country doesn't give a ->-bleeped-<- that a group of people, many of whom have already had rough lives, are the cannon fodder of the LGBT community. It's after Trans people endure all this crap folks turn around and with a string of drool dangling from their bottom lip they utter some nonsense like, "trans people are crazy, LOL." Well to them I say no ->-bleeped-<-, you sociopolitical geniuses, armchair shrinks - when one group is not only oppressed but looked at society as freaks when they are anything but tends to do things to a person.
Hell, the only reason I am so concerned about passing is not to be "pretty" for I couldn't care less if my feminine look were considered by most people to be "ugly." For me, looking feminine is pretty enough. My real reason for wanting to pass is just so I don't end up chopped up in some dumpster or getting my head stomped in, or raped. I am just scared of someone saying "that's a man" and violently reacting. I can't fight or defend myself. I can't take anymore abuse in my life. A Half white half black feminine prettyboi I grew up in the the black community teased for being "not black enough" only to be sexually and mentally abused. Grew up got it at work and then even by my WIFE. I can't take anymore abuse. So I have a choice: I sit here and suffer in this man body while knowing if it wouldn't kill me I'd take a butcher knife to my stupid dick right now, or I can transition and feel better about myself but open the door to a whole nother realm of abuse.
This stuff is so damn hard.
