Susan's Place Logo

News:

Visit our Discord server  and Wiki

Main Menu

An update kinda a 2 way post /question some concerns

Started by calico, October 12, 2014, 01:48:24 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

calico

OK this will prob be a lil long,  I am going to have to apologize first,  I know there are several here who care about me and have expressed concerns from time to time and well despite getting busy with my life, isn't really a good answer for my absence in responding,  though I have been lurking a little. So I am sorry to those who are,  may have, and still are worried about me. I truly love you all and wouldn't want to cause any concern on my behalf.   Now the update and now for warned this will cause a concern and worries but I want to remind I am alive still and very much fighting. So here is the story, and I tell this with tears at times as it is a tell of me feeling as if I am losing myself maybe my life and being afraid of what may be happening to me or wondering how many days I really have left on the earth, and maybe God is knocking on my door as if to tell me my time is to come home,  and feeling if it is true I have so much I want to live for so...  Here it is and about why or at least partially where I have been.
:some of you know I have a congenital disease which until recently didn't really impede me much but has now became very active,  it is a disease the effects 1 in 250000. So Yea it's kinda rare,  the name for it is Osteo Genesis Imperfecta  aka (literal term imperfect bones)  more commonly called brittle bone disease. I am type 1, if you wish to know more you may pm me or simply Google search.  This disease has made other issues in my life and also severely complicated things recently.  Currently I am hospitalized.  So let me start how this began,: and also not to just run away with the topic and also prevent as little confusion if I can.
:Dec 2013 I had 4 disc's removed,  and lamenectomy  performed,  3 month of work to verify nerve damage,  went back to work till July where 2 additional disc's burst, out of nowhere and without cause, an unlucky event that the Dr chocked up to (just bad luck), and party to do with my disease.  Had emergency surgery was in hospital 4 days.  Had minor healing stents but overall healed,  got released that with now permanent restrictions.(should of seen it coming now that I am missing 6 discs)
Sept 15 (last month)  we go out to a seafood restaurant to celebrate a lil and to relax (me and my bf needed it).  Had dinner which shortly after went to hell fast,  I started having breathing  issues (asthma attack)  I didn't have my inhaler (prob didn't matter)  I was rushed home,  had to be carried out of car I was turning blue,  busted out the breathing machine  but it didn't work,  911 was called. Asthma was actually anaphylactic shock/reaction.  Out of no where I became allergic to shrimp :(  I spent 7 days in hospital, 5 in icu, 3 with a tube down my throat....  Release on the 21st even though I shouldn't have been as my 02's were hitting 80 when I walked,  but I convinced Dr on call I'd take it easy, and continue meds and rest, 30 a vein in my hand burst,  we went it to find out I was OK,  1st of Oct,  asthma returned,  911 called again,  thought on Route we got control of it,  but Dr's wanted to heck me out,  than 1,2,3 asthma attacks every couple hours coughing up junk,  in I went I was hospitalized again.  X-ray showed pneumonia,  blood test showed entero virus d68 (suppose to be kid deal right?),  not with my disease and also my lower lung compacity  (which is because of the disease).  So this has been a fight and a decade one at that,  I almost went back on the entubator,  but instead they put me on a by pap to assist my breathing and lower capacity, and O2 as well.  I have been pretty bed ridden while they have been fighting and doing their best to make me better, all of which may have been less complicated had it not been for the disease :(,   but there seems some sunshine at the end, I am still receiving nuclear grade antibiotics, but they are slowly lowering the steroids as the Dr said unless we get those down I can't go home so I have a few more days at least :( new things that will mostly become part of my life will be oxygen at home, there has been talk and a bipap for when my longs can't keep up :( which this is depressing,  and at this point even though I don't wish it, complete disability  may be on my map :(.....  So there you have it,  I have cried so much,  I have never been in a hospital this long or this sick,  and I know if it wasn't for my disease ID be doing much better,  the Dr even said that my disease has significantly caused more trouble and the whole situation more complicated, . I'm not going to lie,  I want to go home so bad it's unreal,  this just sucks. And if I didn't have enough issues I have no other which is my question, and I need some people who can genuinely pop in on this.
I had my grs in March I am much past a year,  but during this Stent,  I haven't been able to dilate at all,  I do uses my finger and add a bit of lube for comfortability  but I'm still concerned about the depth,  before this I could almost envelope the orange soul source cept the inch at the end.  Should I be concerned?  Or try not to worry,  etc?  I can't help but worry,  it was a huge investment and I'd hate to lose it but perhaps this is beyond my control.....  :embarrassed: again sorry for not keeping everyone enlighted,  :/,  definitely feels like my life is out of control,  and how I wish oh god I wish I never had this disease,  after grs I felt I had finally won,  and it was over,  not it just feels like a never ending spiral :icon_cry2:,  sorry for the run on,  I did say it'd be a  bit long,  and on top of all this why why why wtf can financial situation not be put on hold when this crap happens,  in my head there is that worry to,  am I going to be able to do my follow up, am I going to be able to get my meds, the new by pap machine or my oxygen,  :( to say I am not very worried,  would be a strait lie,  and to say I'm only slight concerned would be an under exaggeration......  Anywhere there you have it,  and here I am still feeling lost concerned and afraid,  I think I'm going to cry again,  pm me if you want or email me/call me if you have my contact info with love C.
"To be one's self, and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity."― Irving Wallace  "Before you can be anything, you have to be yourself. That's the hardest thing to find." -  E.L. Konigsburg
  •  

Monkeymel

You have been through a lot - and I send you hugs and energy. Surround yourself by people who love you and take time to heal as much as you can.

As to dilation - suggest using Chet #1 with plenty of lube and see how you go. The muscles will be tight - and don't force anything. Hoping that all remains good!

Hugs from Switzerland
  •  

mrs izzy

At a year I think depth should be in goo order maybe a little loss due to scar shrinking. It should be able to work some of that back.

Each body is different and you need to get somehow back to the schedule. Width will be effected I think more the depth.

Hugs on all what had been thrown on your plate but I am told he only give the extra burden to the strongest.

Huge hugggggggs
Izzy
Mrs. Izzy
Trans lifeline US 877-565-8860 CAD 877-330-6366 http://www.translifeline.org/
"Those who matter will never judge, this is my given path to walk in life and you have no right to judge"

I used to be grounded but now I can fly.
  •  

calico

Thanks for the responses I do think I may be over thinking the dilation. And kinda seems silly concerning my other issus huh? But still I have that concern. I once went a week and it wasn't to bad to get back where I was. I may just start on should source green as a base and slowly work the orange back in..

Quote from: Monkeymel on October 12, 2014, 02:43:11 PM
You have been through a lot - and I send you hugs and energy. Surround yourself by people who love you and take time to heal as much as you can.

As to dilation - suggest using Chet #1 with plenty of lube and see how you go. The muscles will be tight - and don't force anything. Hoping that all remains good!

Hugs from Switzerland
hey Mel I'm prob not going to use Chef #1 they are so far different then my soul source. I do believe if I even used chat one pardon the pun it'd be like a hot dog in a hall way so it's kinda a whatever. In fact the #1 is in some random box somewhere all I have that are in a wrap now are Chets 3 and 4 than should source blue green and orange. I use Chets for measuring at this point. I don't think I'll be that bad but still worry. Before being here I was very sex u all active with a bf who is bigger than orange so.... and since I can get 3 fingers in right now idk why I'm worried ..... I guess investment lost and so many other things :/
"To be one's self, and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity."― Irving Wallace  "Before you can be anything, you have to be yourself. That's the hardest thing to find." -  E.L. Konigsburg
  •  

calico

Just an update I seem to be doing better today,  enough they are will to allow me to go home,  as the pneumonia  and the entero virus is gone,  Dr wanted to keep me a couple more days but we talked and he is allowing me to return home,  I have so many Dr appointments ahead of me and I just don't know how I am going to swing it,  I feel like I very well could die from this disease which scare me to death.  I have started up a donation site to help pay for meds, Dr visits,  tests and insurance  fees as well as medical equipment,  if anyone wants the link please pm me,  I've actually ran out of ideas and I pretty much cried myself to sleep with the nurse holding onto me last night.  This disease takes so much more out of me Thai thought it would.  I thought I could hang in there been tough,  I was wrong, out of oddness a Dr. Assist came in yesterday and no shauntel brought up my surgery in Thailand who h left me with it a wtf moment,  turning  out she kne  Bowers well,  and she relly helped on my second question assure me "8 should be OK with dilation issues",  so on the original subject,  if you want to help or know anyone willing to help pm me and I'll shoot you the link to my donate site,  any about over my goal I am donating to the OSTEO GENEYSIS foundation.  So if you can just pm me and thanks for reading this. 
"To be one's self, and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity."― Irving Wallace  "Before you can be anything, you have to be yourself. That's the hardest thing to find." -  E.L. Konigsburg
  •